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T384 #2735859 03/24/17 05:57 AM
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Quote:
Maybe some of it was there but not for a long time.


The decision to leave a marriage isn't a light one and not a recent one, either.

Quote:
Question is. ... should I make the appointment for him for counseling?


No.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
T384 #2735860 03/24/17 05:58 AM
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Originally Posted By: T0324
Question is. ... should I make the appointment for him for counseling?


T0324,

If counseling is going to have any value your H will have to be onboard.

doodler #2735861 03/24/17 06:05 AM
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I agree, that to us it seems they just snapped. But actually I think the pressure slowly builds and maybe the WAS suppresses or denies it. And then there comes a tipping point when the bomb drop happens.

I would try to avoid having big talks with him just now if you can. Also, I agree with Doodler, if your H wants to see a counsellor, I think it is far better if he can make his own arrangements.

Take care, and I hope the birthday plans and your weekend go well :)x


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2735863 03/24/17 06:09 AM
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Counseling is through the EAP at my work so I have to make the appointment as if it's for me with my work ID. That's why I was asking. He's asked me 3 times to make the appointment. I'm just not sure if him going will make things worse at this point vs just leaving him be.


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
T384 #2735866 03/24/17 06:13 AM
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Originally Posted By: T0324
Counseling is through the EAP at my work so I have to make the appointment as if it's for me with my work ID. That's why I was asking. He's asked me 3 times to make the appointment. I'm just not sure if him going will make things worse at this point vs just leaving him be.


If it were me, and he's asked three times, then I'd make an appointment. Can it make things worse? Maybe. But, I'd bet that over the long term it'll make things better.

doodler #2735872 03/24/17 06:47 AM
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Ya my fear is that last BD he went alone and it helped justify his reason to go rather than work on things.

But that was a different counselor. I know the counselor can't change his mind. I just don't want it to be that he says he's done and then the counselor tells him to leave. Because the counselor told me when we met I needed to make him leave and I told him I didn't want that


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
T384 #2735873 03/24/17 06:50 AM
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Originally Posted By: T0324
Ya my fear is that last BD he went alone and it helped justify his reason to go rather than work on things.

But that was a different counselor. I know the counselor can't change his mind. I just don't want it to be that he says he's done and then the counselor tells him to leave. Because the counselor told me when we met I needed to make him leave and I told him I didn't want that


Yep, that's a risk. There are some really good counselors and others that aren't so good.

doodler #2735879 03/24/17 07:01 AM
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^ Agreed. Our first wasn't marriage centered and worked on her and validated her need to flee...


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
T384 #2735881 03/24/17 07:09 AM
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Originally Posted By: T0324
Ya my fear is that last BD he went alone and it helped justify his reason to go rather than work on things.

But that was a different counselor. I know the counselor can't change his mind. I just don't want it to be that he says he's done and then the counselor tells him to leave. Because the counselor told me when we met I needed to make him leave and I told him I didn't want that



Regardless the outcome...

IF he has asked, and you are the only one that can make the appointment, you should do it...

Anything less, is you trying to control him and the outcome.

Worry about yourself and that baby for now.

Everything else will fall as it will...

Mach1 #2735904 03/24/17 09:43 AM
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Ah, yes I would agree just book the appointment then and leave him to it. Also, as Mach says, do try to let go of doing things or not doing things to try and control what happens.

The best way is to step back, release and detach as best you can (and that does take time and practice, but you can do it!)

Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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