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Congrats Sotto, it takes courage to get back out there. Glad you didnt settle or project any need for a partner on to him. He wasnt the one but ' the one ' is out there. I have had a few dates and while some of the ladies were nice , once i met one that really appealed me i could see the diff straight away.

Anyway, glad you dipped a toe and some very lucky man is out there for you. And truly, he is a very lucky man.

Take care , Rd xxxx

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Originally Posted By: CaliGuy
I had to get out there and figure out how to talk to someone on a potential more 'than friend less than lover way' and learn how to be completely awkward and own it feeling like I was an elephant on roller skates.


Geez Cali, you make it sound so romantic, especially the completely awkward part! That's something to look forward to! I can't wait to put on my elephant suit and lace up the skates, rme ...

Sorry, that just tickled my twisted sense of humor for some reason. Maybe because it's so close to the mark, eh?

Sotto my love, it sounds like a pleasant enough experience for a first date post d. There are only positives here, even though it's not a "love connection" - it's always nice to have more friends, you got that over with and escaped intact ;D
And - now you can move forward to the next opportunity with your usual aplomb and grace and perhaps a tad less of the awkwardness Cali so aptly describes.

Happy weekend doll!


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Thanks my friends...well it has been an eventfulish week, so I'll post a mini update. I heard from my date of last week suggesting an event this Saturday, but I have other plans and politely told him so, saying I may see him around at another dance event soon.

Should I be more honest and say I didn't really feel attracted to him? I wouldn't want to string someone along if I don't feel there's any romantic potential there? Equally, he hasn't asked outright? I guess I'm just hoping I have met a nice dancing friend.

Saw NG from work this week - haven't seen him for ages and stopped initiating contact TBH. Well, I got a super warm welcome. He wasn't expecting me and jumped up. Said something like - Oh, I'd offer you a kiss but...and faltered. I said to him, I'll give you a kiss and went over and hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

I sat opposite him all day and we chatted about this and that off and on. I think we get along well, but oh well...we ended the day with me saying I should be in the area a little more and he's welcome to come and see my new place if he'd like. He seemed positive about that, but then he has before and doesn't then initiate that...he's away for a week or so from now with his kids, so we'll see if anything happens.

Had a nice meet up with SS and his Mum and a couple of other friends. Nice to see them and we had a good catch up. You may recall that I met XH a year after their separation and he had just bought his own place after renting for a year. His XW1 told me today that she had remained more involved with him than I had thought after they S - ugh. But no surprise I guess. She said it is possible that he has also given OW the impression that he was more single than he was...I guess there is a behaviour patten there..

Anyway, other than that, I'm busy renovating and working with a bit of social stuff thrown in. I do find I am a calmer and more centred me these days and I like that. I suit myself more...and that is a gift I think.

Many good wishes to you all xxx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Sotto, overall a lovely update.

I don't know the "rules" of getting to know someone, but while I get you don't want to string the date along, I don't think you need to be outright and advise of the lack of attraction. That's my opinion anyway. I also kind of feel the first meeting is a wash anyway, its super hard to gauge anything really. Again, that's just me.

You sound really good and I'm pleased to hear that you are just moving right along. Keep it up!


Me- 30's H- 40's
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I"m so happy about the calmer more centered you. That is a gift. I hope to have a similar one someday, if i keep doing the work.

A NG siting! It will be interesting to see what he does with your invitation.

Well - we all seem to find out stuff through the grapevine post breakup, don't we?

I'm glad for the update and really quite happy for your serenity. It was hard-won, and you've certainly earned it.

xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Hi Sotto , re the date giy , imho i dont think he can be a dance partner after a date. He might get mixed signals. Maybe best to let that be a learnimg experiance. Again just my opinion.

Ng may be a slow burn type of guy so will be interesting to see if he takes you up on your offer.

Any info about ex and the is not really relevant and i would encourage you to leave it and tell anyone that may have info that its not part of your world anymore.
All the above are just my thoughts.

Take care , Rd xx

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Sotto, just caught up, you sound great! A date? I am proud of you, I know that was a big step. I am terrible with the how do I say I am not interested in more than friendship thing, so I got nothing! Maybe a guy can chime in here with what they think, I am curious myself. I think NG maybe was being respectful of your situation, and now seeing you in such a better place, may approach you differently. We shall see!

Keep up the positivity and look forward to this new chapter for you. You sound to be in a good place.

M


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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So I cannot offer anyone any dating advice. Having been married 25 years and really only having dated the one guy (how sad), and obviously can't pick them. But I wonder, would you expect to have some kind of feeling for someone on a first date?

I think for me it would go more like:

1. do I like them enough to go out with them --> proceed to first date;
2. did I see any obvious red flags on the first date (mindful that I may be looking hard for said flags), if no ---> proceed to second date;
3. did they do anything creepy on the second date? do I see anything I like enough to go on another date ...

I guess my point is that we put so much pressure for things to be "right" from the get go and to have instant attraction that we may miss something really great (something that starts more as friends or a more introverted guy, etc). Especially when this a new again experience.

Again, this from someone who is nowhere near ready to date and never really did it in the first place.

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Sotto,

I never dated either so my advice is probably worthless but anyway:

If no attraction to guy one, he'll know if you keep blowing him off. Stringing him along would be saying yes to more dates.

Re other guy, he may think you are just being friendly and not getting the hint. If you'd like to go on a date with him why not just suggest that? It's less scary than going over to your place which is a very intimate more advanced thing to do.

Gordie

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Thanks for the comments guys. NG is away for a couple of weeks with his kids, so haven't been in touch with him at all. Been busy at work and just trying to get my new place comfortable. Less social stuff but still some.

Heard from date guy. He suggested an event that I couldn't make. I dropped him a note to tell him about another event I went to. Not heard back from him since then, and not thought about it much to be honest.

Last week would have been our wedding anniversary. I noticed the date coming up and thought about it ahead of time. But on the day, I truly did not realise or think about it until 5pm - genuinely - who would have thought!! Anniversary 1 I spent in bed with a virus generally feeling awful. I can't recall anniversary 2, but it was tons better - and this one truly - wow!

Hosting a party next week and have a dance event too. Tried a couple of new dance things and a new fitness class - both local to my new place. Also been catching up with my good friend who lives close by to the new flat - so all good really. In a good place.

Been thinking some more about the whole dating thing. And really, there is lots to love about being single and enjoying some fun things - friends, family, activities - with only you to please. Cali's comments about elephants on rollerskates has also stayed with me. Thanks for that one Cali, you have a talent for beautiful descriptions! I don't feel that way myself, but it was good to understand that my date might...

Anyway, very best wishes to my lovely DB friends - live, love, laugh - and move forward in your lives in the best way possible.. Xxx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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