Thanks for chiming in guys. Well my mention of the married guy overtures certainly sparked some debate!!
Just dropping in for an update. Last week was the anniversary of our divorce, so I officially made it through a year post D without dating at all and just healing - so I'm pleased with that. And as my friend said this weekend - the chastity belt is now off!!! Well, that may be overstating things, but I'll see what unfolds I guess.
Wow, this work project is a tough one. Unpredictable, complicated and it feels like one forward and two back at times. I think it's just the nature of these kinds of projects. On the plus side, I have been pretty calm and we have a great team, who have all proved really willing and helpful. Plus, we are getting there...grinding along - but forward nonetheless...hmm, that reminds me of how my sitch felt sometimes...
Still enjoying friends, yoga, choir, dancing, bookstore etc...life trips along - mostly pleasantly and I am grateful. In fact, I do feel practicing gratitude is a huge thing I have learned - plus not sweating the small stuff. I truly feel I am a more grounded person than I was a few years ago, which is such a bonus.
So, through one of my activities I regularly see a guy who seems nice and seems quite interested in me. It's possible something may develop, but I'm really not sure of his circumstances. He appears single - but is that single (recently separated?) or single (no longer married..) That matters a lot to me and I guess at some point if things do move in that direction, I'll need to ask. For him to be married (albeit separated) would be a deal breaker to me. That's too much of an unresolved situation for me. Maybe I'm a bit over sensitive but I really don't want to be going out with another woman's husband...even if they are separated?
I'll keep you posted anyhow - and for now I'm enjoying a bit of mild flirtation! Otherwise, things are moving along with buying the second property, so there's a little more decorating and sorting to look forward to in the next month or two...as for XH, not a peep and I must admit I do think of him less. I don't envy him his lot, nor OW hers. He ended up with an immature, needy and serially unfaithful woman, and she with a much older guy in crisis trying to recapture his lost youth. It's not a recipe for genuine and lasting contentment. But, you know what? That's up to them...
Take care all, and know this.....it truly does get better....even if you don't save your M and you D....there is a good life to live on the other side of that..
Xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Sotto , another positive post, as usual your a shining light on how to get through this. I know it's been far from easy for you but you helped yourself by GALing like a boss.
The belts off !!!!! I will be checking sky news !!!
Thanks RD - or maybe keep an eye on Hello magazine??!!
Can I ask - do you think most 50 year old guys really want to date a woman who is at least 10 years younger? I do look rather young and I have been asked out by someone who thought I was in my 30s. But then immediately lost interest on finding I was in my late 40s....this isn't the guy I mentioned in my post above - but another one, who I didn't have a particular romantic interest in..
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
I think most Mlcers end up with that same situation you mention above a younger immature, needy woman who usually cheated with a M Man and probably will again- I think and I hear this from my friends who date a lot(online) that many of the man prefer woman closer to their age, so I dont think all men want woman 10 years younger I also think when you meet someone and it clicks-age is not so important unless it is a super large gap good luck with guy..but however it turns just enjoy and practice being single and available
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Sotto - in regards to men in their 50's wanting to date women 10 years younger, I am sure it runs the gamut.
At my new company, my coworker was telling me that a few years ago there was an attractive 20 year old working in the office. When she started a line formed around her office and out of the wood work came all sorts of men wanting to take her out to lunch. Some of them were unmarried but most were married! All men were signicantly older than her with some of the married men being 25 years older. And no, there was no business reason they needed to take the gal who filed the office papers out to lunch, in case one wonders if it was pertinent shop talk. By the way, many of her pursuers were very high up in upper management!
I told my coworker I hoped the married men came home and told their wives they had lunched with the 20 year old at work. Hah!
There is a very attractive young man who also works in our office and we had ourselves in stitches over the idea of married women 25 years older sidling over to him and asking him to lunch. It doesn't happen. We let the guy work in peace.
At each company I have been at I have seen many, many instances of older (and often) married men trying to lunch with the most youngest of office workers. And it was always weird seeing the wives when you knew their husbands were making complete fools of themselves practically chasing the young gals around their desks.
My suspicion is that somehow, for some men, they falsely think their worth is in how young of a woman is on their arm and that this makes a statement about them to other men?
Anyway, these days so many people are dishonest about their sitch's you practically have to run a background check to see their true marital status.
Sounds like you are keeping busy and doing well. Thank you for posting it helps to see life from the other side of this.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Hi Sotto, on the age thing , I've been on a few dates and the ladies were various ages from 34 to 52 and I found the age didn't make that much difference. Some of the younger ones acted like they were ready for retirement and some of the older ones thought they were 18. For me personally, closer to my own age is more preferable but the personality ( and willingness to sleep with me !!!!) are much more important. The best date i had was with a lady of 48 and she was a real gem. You look much younger than your age and I would Imagine you get a lot of attention so just be selective. Plenty of fish in the sea and all that.
Jeez , you weren't messing about 're the belt coming off.
Thanks everyone....in a bit of a funk this weekend and so it's good to have the forum as a safe place to journal.
Things reached a tipping point for me at work this week. My boss - who is an old friend - really rates my skills, which is lovely. He has talked me into taking on a number of things at work, which have been pretty challenging. The things have been incremental, and so my role and hours have gradually grown. I have ended up having a central role in a number of areas I don't know much about, so that's been a steep learning curve. And the latest thing was I got this promotion, which meant being a line manager too..
This week a couple of things happened, and I just realised I have got myself on a path that doesn't really suit me. I came home and spent the night worrying about it all - slept really badly and just decided I have to tackle it. I emailed my boss to say we need to review things, and the management role (which I said I would have a go at) just isn't really what I want. I'm hoping we can manage to sort things out, but I feel anxious, upset with myself for being talked into doing too much, and worried about letting him down. All in all - vulnerable!
It's a shame, because things had been going so well in my life generally but I just feel the work grew and grew and I lost the balance. We'll just have to see what happens next week, but it has really unsettled me.
On a positive note, I did go out to a nice dancing event this weekend and had some fun. I was a little shy to approach the guy who has been so friendly in lessons, and he spent the evening chatting to various other women and didn't ask me to dance - oh well. Ugh - I just want life to feel a bit easier again. I'm sure I'll get there and it's just a little rocky phase...
Xxx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi Sotto, dancing guy may have any number of reasons for not asking , best not to dwell on it. His loss. The work thing is something you can resolve, from your previous posting on the subject it did seem like it was escalating and you need to feel comfortable. Have the chat with your boss and no doubt between you it will be sorted. Ups and downs are part of life but you do appear to have more ups than downs so that's a good thing.
Hey Sotto! I'm in agreement with Bttrfly and RD; talking to your boss will be the way to go. He sees you as someone to depend on, so of course he's going to keep piling it on until you say "whoa!". Challenging yourself or taking on challenges is great for personal growth and self confidence, but you know when something is too much and not for you when you feel more uncomfortable as time passes, instead of just feeling stronger. That's ok! Your sleep and well-being are paramount.
On the other front; dancing guy will do what dancing guy will do. If you decide to throw caution to the wind and mention at some point that you were hoping he'd have asked you to dance, it would be interesting to see his reaction. You never know what's going on in people's heads...sometime's we just need to mix it up a bit. Glad you had a good time, though!
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
