Thank you all for checking in on me, it's nice to have such great support from people who get it. I get some support from others but they just don't get the situation. How could they though?
Originally Posted By: ciluzen
I recognize that numb feeling during signing. How are you today?
For me, I had to meet my L in a small, crowded room at the courthouse while she was giving free D advice to a large, boisterous group of people. I was really just there to sign. Then I went home. There was no weight or gravity to the situation. XH was not there. I'm curious as to how your situation transpired and how you are feeling now. Its not like in the movies, is it? No swell of the soundtrack to create a sense of drama or importance afterwards. I wonder if its the view that D is just a piece of paper for people who "stand".
Reiki sounds interesting. You and Bttrfly have me sold. I'm glad you are doing something for yourself. Massage or any kind of pampering really makes a difference in your sense of well being, doesn't it? It physically and emotionally helps.
Whatever emotions came/come later, let them come. I think its healthier than trying to fight them. And I agree, keep the focus on you. Treat yourself as if you are dating you (I know that sounds strange) often...take yourself out to dinner and a movie, or whatever would be fun or relaxing. Fun with friends is one thing...pushing to find the ability to have fun on your own is another level entirely.
You've got this. (((Kyh)))
Hi Cil, still feeling numb to it today. It's strange I was not expecting the numb feeling. It's actually nice not to be spinning. It all transpired quick, my lawyer's assistant said W agreed to my changes and it was ready to sign. Her office is only a few blocks from me so I went over, read it and signed and was back at my office 20 minutes later. She told me she would let me know once the decree went through the courts so I guess that's it. Funny you mentioned soundtrack because when I went to go over one of my favorite songs came on. I shut the radio off because I didn't want it to be associated with the D in my head.
I like what you said about dating yourself which is something I need to do. I've actually got better at this, I go to lunch alone time to time and have also caught a couple movies alone. I would have never done this in the past. I'm a very introverted person and we hadn't been where I'm at long before BD so I also need to work on gal. The company I work for is in another state and I work alone in my own office so not a lot of interaction. I have a couple college friends here but other than running into each other we've never got together.
Originally Posted By: Gordie
Kyh, it sounds like you did great...hope you did something for yourself afterwards...
Hi Gordie, thanks for stopping by. I didn't really do much after but just kept myself busy. Back to work, then took advantage of the nice weather and extra light. I did some yard work and cleaned my car but I am planning on doing something for myself again soon. I ended up selling my last pup last night too so that is good. I'm getting attached to them and they are a lot of extra work I don't need. I'm planning on getting some much needed sleep this weekend.
Originally Posted By: bttrfly
yeah, it's a strange place to be, where you are at the moment. just allow yourself to feel it all and keep breathing. this too shall pass. I promise {{{{{hugs}}}}}
Thanks Bttrfly, it is a strange place. Never in a million years did I think I'd be here. IDK if this numb feeling is good or not but if feels better than depression and anger. I wonder how much my session the night before had to do with how I'm feeling/processing this.
I think you're processing it - numb can sometimes be a way our bodies/minds give us a break while we internalize a deep shift. It's ok, I promise you. You're doing all the right things. I know what you mean. I never in a million years thought I'd be here. But here isn't so bad, actually. There's a lot to recommend it, especially if you're of the opinion that it's better to be alone than with someone who doesn't really want to be committed to you. It doesn't negate the sadness or betrayal or disappointment, but it does let you know that it could be worse. Speaking of worse - we could be the MLCer. Wouldn't want to be in their shoes AT ALL.
so hang in and keep doing what you're doing. Hey I had a thought: why not call your few friends and organize something yourself - poker night or something?
Just a thought.
xoxoxoxo {{{{Kyh}}}}}
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Just wanted to say I'm sorry. I can imagine it is surreal.
You've been given great advice but I just wanted to tell you I am thinking of you.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Thanks Hawho. Yes it's surreal yet a sense of reality has set in.
Bttrfly, yes I'm going to have to figure something out to get together. That would be good for me.
W's parents came to town yesterday so the kids were w/them today. W texted me early to ask if she could take one of the pups today. Idk why, her parents are taking one but she went to work today (funny she takes every other Saturday off to leave town but works when they come). theirs is the only one left and when she got here this morning she got totally po'd at me because the other one left yesterday. I told her I sold him the day I knew. She was nasty and spinning, telling me how she wanted to say bye. She didn't care for any of the others, telling me she didn't want to see them off. I think she was trying to push buttons. she picked up the kid's swimming stuff and when I told her their life jackets were probably too small now she said she was just going to take them so I wouldn't throw a fit. This is while she was trying to fold up the crate with stuff in it slamming it down because she was mad. I just let her be, didn't apologize but said if I knew you wanted to see him I would have let you know. Didn't bring up that she told me her phone was dead last night or she would've known.
I told her I got a pic of another one I sold a couple weeks before and she asked to see. She told me she got a pic of one too. A little later she sent it to me and it said "here." Nice...I just had to laugh. It seems like I'm doing better at stepping back from things and observing. When she stopped after work she was nicer but I kind of felt some pent up anger, actually maybe it was more disgust, seeing her. I noticed it and let it go but it did take some work. I kind of just wanted her to leave but I was nice.
She's supposed to stop w/her parents tomorrow morning to pick him up. Not excited about that but I am excited to see the kids, otherwise I probably would've been busy and not here.
Keeping busy this weekend, it was beautiful today so I trimmed a few trees and cut a few down in areas that needed thinned then went and hit some golf balls then relaxed.
Kyh, Its interesting to me as I read your post, but it really doesn't sound like your W is angry with YOU. It sounds as if she is just angry in general. Keep doing what you're doing. Let it roll off of your back. As long as you don't react to her anger and aren't trying to anger her, her moods and reactions are hers to own. You're doing well.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
I agree...your w wasn't angry with you, but at herself and life in general. She knows she's messing up big time and things aren't always working out the way she wants them. She knows that she should have made some time and come to see the pups and she just wanted you to feel guilty for the pup not being there. Don't buy into her misery...that's all hers these days.
Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Cil and Job. i ready his before anyone came by today and I could see it in her actions. I will remember to try not to take it personal. She gets flustered about everything. Someone or something is always making her mad and its guns blazing. Her mom even made a comment about how she was reacting to the kids and to her.
She left for awhile after her parents left and the kids hung out w/me all day then w came back to do laundry this afternoon and was here all night. Tonight she snapped at the kids a few times, it was about them on iPads, shoes, and a dress. They need to listen but she was quick to anger and yell which sets off a cycle, especially w/son. I didn't stop her or say anything about it to her but I did calmly intervene and guided the kids on what needed done.
When her parents and sister that lived w/us came over it was actually a nice visit. I could tell sil was bothered. I'm sure her parents were/are as well, they really liked me.
I was a little shocked she asked to do laundry here. She complained about not having a washer/dryer yet but I just listened and didn't say anything. We had some light conversation, watched a movie w/the kids, and ate dinner while she was here. I guess she's only eating once a day now but at least she gave up the only egg diet quickly. I guess I will keep taking this day to day even though D papers are on their way through the court.
I guess I will keep taking this day to day even though D papers are on their way through the court.
Has signing the papers changed the way you feel about your situation and what you want?
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
I was away for a week and didn't have much access to Internet. I'm really sorry I missed those difficult days of yours!
But I'm happy to see that you seem to be doing fine. It's time to start taking care of yourself and put all the drama behind. You never know what will happen next so it's better to concentrate on the present and do something for yourself, enjoy quality time with the kids and start finding your place in a different settings.
It's great that you went for reiki. I did that a few weeks after separation last year and I must say it helped a lot.
It's almost midnight here and I'm falling asleep but wanted to tell you that I'm thinking of you! I hope all this is for the best and that there are only nice surprises for you in your future.
Take care! And should the numbness go, allow yourself to grieve, if you need to. Big hug!
I guess I will keep taking this day to day even though D papers are on their way through the court.
Has signing the papers changed the way you feel about your situation and what you want?
HimGordie,
I've been thinking over your question since yesterday and it's mixed feelings but I want to say no. However, I think there is something different going on in me. Acceptance or detachment maybe. Maybe not, if I found out she was seeing someone right now I'd probably be wrecked. But I am able to step back and see things going on, w/me and w (not just her interactions towards w/me but in general). She's still wallowing in MLC and she still thinks I'm the source of her unhappiness (everyone is soooo cool except me). I still want to save my marriage but I sure don't want her back in the state she's in.
Originally Posted By: Bee29
Hi Kyh,
I was away for a week and didn't have much access to Internet. I'm really sorry I missed those difficult days of yours!
But I'm happy to see that you seem to be doing fine. It's time to start taking care of yourself and put all the drama behind. You never know what will happen next so it's better to concentrate on the present and do something for yourself, enjoy quality time with the kids and start finding your place in a different settings.
It's great that you went for reiki. I did that a few weeks after separation last year and I must say it helped a lot.
It's almost midnight here and I'm falling asleep but wanted to tell you that I'm thinking of you! I hope all this is for the best and that there are only nice surprises for you in your future.
Take care! And should the numbness go, allow yourself to grieve, if you need to. Big hug!
Hi Bee, great to hear from you! I hope you're doing well. You sound like you're doing good too. I hope so. Funny you posted because I had been thinking about pulling up your thread to see how you were. You're right I've had enough drama for this lifetime and I need to shift focus and energy to myself and the kids. It's hard but I'm getting better at it. She was here until later last night again, I was friendly but just let her be, did my own thing and enjoyed the kids.
Thanks for stopping by and the virtual hug. Let us know how you're doing when you have a chance.
I'm still feeling indifferent to the decree. I guess it's the next step in whatever is to be. I do think it's weird w came here to do laundry the last two nights, I couldn't help but wonder if it was a temp check of sorts, I did catch her looking at me once. I didn't give it too much thought though. Watched hockey and scooby doo w/the kids and let her be. We're doing a half week this week to change our schedule so w can take her trip. Can't wait to get them back at the end of the week. I know they're excited too.
