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I know I need to detach. As I sit here listening to him shower and shave himself in the shower. I can hear it because the hall bath backs up to my room so I can hear the tapping of the razor I am going crazy. He does not deserve to be in this home if He's talking, intimate, being sexually inappropriate in anyway whether it be text or in person. Physical. That is an affair to me. Any of those things. And that's how it started last time. Texting inappropriately and that's why he left last time. He told me if there wasn't someone else he wouldn't have left before.

The night before I initiated the talk that started all this he was still kissing me etc normal. I'm the one that said I. Wanted to talk because I was uncomfortable.


And I did thank him for going grocery shopping. If he's not wayward then maybe he's just done and fed up. Made his mind up and really means it and doesn't have a fog to snap out of.

I was out there tonight doing laundry and he came to help. I said H I am going to focus on having this baby and won't have any further distractions that can deter me from having. A healthy baby. If there is something I need to know that is imperative please be honest about it. He just said okay and that's why he's going to the counselor this week. I told him I didn't make him an appointment. He asked why and said he told me he wanted to go talk with him and see what the counselor thought about everything. He said he doesn't want to go together unless the counselor thinks we should but that he would prefer to go alone. He said he's told me 10 times he wants to go so if me not making the appointment means I don't want him to go then just to say it. I just said it doesn't matter to me if you go or not it's your decision so if you think it's something that will help you then go for it.


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
T384 #2734998 03/19/17 08:20 PM
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Oh and I didn't order because I am sick to my stomach. This pregnancy has been terrible. I'm not even at my prepregnancy weight yet and since I've lost 14 lbs now in 2 weeks my dr is going to have a fit tomorrow. I'm eating when I can but my stomach is in knots.

My boys are so excited to have a baby in the house. As hard as it will be reminding me of how my family dynamic has changed I think it will be a breath of fresh air. I am nervous to have a newborn again. So much has changed in 6 years! I'm also nervous to do it alone. My H was always so supportive with the boys waking in the middle of the night to help etc. going to be hard to do it alone. I also have to return to clinical when baby is 4 weeks old so I'll be gone long days. I'm really really nervous about that. I'll be in an office that's apparently very very busy and it's an hour a half commute for me. I have to do 2-3 days a week from May to July. Yuck! But I will be done in December. I'm thankful I decided to go back to school. I originally applied after first BD because I knew I needed a better income if I ended up D. I didn't find out I got in until after. H came back and contemplated not doing it but decided if I was ever put in that place again I wanted stability for my boys without having to fret. Nurse practitioners do pretty well around here so we can have a comfortable life which is reassuring.

Anyway. Thank you everyone for your support. I know I'm a basket case. And I hate to say it but it probably won't get much better until after baby and maybe even later than that lol. My mom said my mood swings are crazy. One minute I love him one minute I want To kick him out. Then I'm saying I wot talk to him then we're at the grocery store together. She said we both. Need to be committed to an institution lol ... she's joking obviously. I mean I think.


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
T384 #2735003 03/20/17 01:37 AM
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Honey

You are other than a basket case. You are in exactly the right space where you are.

It's ok. You have the to and fro dynamic. It is as it is. H comes in and out of the cat flap like a stray cat and it's ok too.

We are encouraging you to take care of you, to enjoy your boys excitement and to feel some of that yourself. It is glorious.

Extreme self care, you have a baby to bring into this world to siblings who will have great joy in it. Revel in today, sing happy songs and be. Life will get busy with a wee one and a baby's needs.

Have a wonderful day today

V


Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose.
V 64, WAW


T384 #2735021 03/20/17 05:54 AM
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I'm sure with you being a nurse that you would be alerted to signs of diabetes. I have been so concerned over the rapid weight loss. When was the last time you saw your doctor?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
sandi2 #2735023 03/20/17 06:08 AM
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I just had my diabetes test and passed. I see her this week. I saw her 2 weeks ago today. It's from all of this going on. I am forcing myself to eat and drink. When I saw her 2 Monday's ago things were fine with H and we had our first talk that night so that's what it is. This pregnancy has been rough in general. I feel like I've been taken over by aliens lol. I had hyperemesis 10-20 times a day for the first 26 weeks along with severe migraines. It hasn't been fun at all. Go figure the last few weeks have been the least debilitating. I think my body knows I can't handle anything else.


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
T384 #2735030 03/20/17 06:46 AM
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I believe your body is indeed saying it's maxed out. Why not give that body (you) a break?

Don't wait for the other shoe to drop or go looking for it. If it comes you will handle it then.

Just rub your baby belly and tell the baby and yourself that everything is going to work out. Because it will work out, one way or the other. T0 you are going to make it to the other side of this.

You won't be all alone or a single mom, or a miserable wife...not for long anyhow.

How about saying "Just for today, I will focus on this baby/my boys?"

JUST FOR ONE DAY table the heartache. Enjoy and share the boy's excitement.

Table the pain for this day...it's beautiful outside where I live.

Cold but sunny. I'm going outside with my dog! How is it where you live?


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
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Yes today is a break. I ended up not going to clinical because the rest of the weeknis going to be super busy and I wanted a day alone at the house. The boys woke up well surprisingly after being off school all week and I've been doing homework all morning.

They get out of school at 2 and we have soccer practice. I plan on making a nice dinner and the boys asked if we could watch a movie tonight. So that's my agenda today. I do have counseling right now so that's the only thing that will remind me of this situation but I think it will be helpful instead of negative.

After telling H last night I'm done with this game. I really am. I told him I'm not worrying about anything except for the baby and the boys. Everything else is minuscule. I will deal with it after the baby is here. At the end of the day he is the one that will be missing out. He is the one walking away from something great l. Easy to notnsee it when you aren't living in the consequences of your actions yet.

It is cold here for us! The high is only 68 so with the wind from the beach/ocean it's a long jacket kind of day lol but it is beautiful. Yesterday was gorgeous also.


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
T384 #2735075 03/20/17 08:50 AM
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TO, I am very concerned about the weight loss! And as a nurse I know first hand that WE ARE GREAT AT TAKING CARE OF OTHERS AND THE WORST AT SELF CARE! You are clearly a very smart lady, and so please do not talk us (or yourself) out of this! That baby can pipeline all of your calcium and leave your bones permanently depleted.

I would hate for you to look back on this years down the road with regrets. So I will tell you what a seasoned midwife told me when I couldn't gain weight with one of my kids, "Hagan Daz every night!" Seriously--it has high calories, fat, sugar, calcium! Also you can carry baggies of high calorie snacks (trail mix is great) and keep snacking between meals.

Water, water, water--every day, all day. A dehydrated uterus, is a contracting one. Fill up a jug and bring it everywhere with you.

Please force yourself to stop, find a quiet place, put your feet up, and just deep breathe. Even if only for 5-10 minutes 3 times per day so you can bring your blood pressure back down. Count to 5 in your head on the inhale and then to 5 on the exhale. This will force your body to reduce the stress it is carrying.

What would you tell a patient that was in this situation???... And you are the MOST IMPORTANT patient right now. This is not a suggestion, but an order!

XOXO
Blu


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
BluWave #2735079 03/20/17 09:03 AM
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Thank you. Yes I know and I'm trying.

I spoke with our C. He is shocked. He wants me to kick H out. He said this is worse than last time and that H has forgotten the wrongs he did. He told me that H is giving me validity based on his actions that he is not in this marriage and is toxic to our. Household. He wants to talk with H to tell him he needs to tell me it's over and move out instead of putting me through this. I said i don't think it's a good idea for him to go. I don't want to push and I don't want to hear that it's over again.

I'm scared. I know it's over already he's told me that and his behavior tells me that. The C is just going to push him further into reminding me again that it's over and him leaving.


M 31 H 34
S 6 S 9
BD 2/14 Piecing 8/14
T384 #2735105 03/20/17 11:19 AM
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TO, I think you are still spinning and I am afraid this C is not helping with that; sounds like he thinks his job so to predict. I am sorry, but I really don't think any of us can do that. I am sure that when this happened the first time you thought it was over too. You said yourself he changed overnight; he could just as easily change back. Does your C think that kicking him out will snap him out of it? We don't DB for others, we DB for ourselves, and by finding ourselves, we also increase the odds we will attract them back down the road.

Either way I think we are all telling you to do the same thing and that is to let this go for right now and try to find some relief from the stress. Can you just pay him no mind and go about your days for the next couple months? Here is why. Let's just say your C is correct, he is 100% checked out and he isn't coming around to work on the M any time soon. How does it behoove you and the children to have him leave right now? Do you have enough help with your busy schedule & the kids? What are your goals in doing this, and are they for you or to have an affect on him?

Blu


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
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