Your doing so well hat of to you. I hope I can get to that point of not speaking to mine.
Me:43 W:34 T10 M7 D-5 S-1 Dec16- w says we need mc Jan 17- w doesn't commit to mc Feb 17 - ea discovered Dec 16 D-day Feb 17- one night hook up March 17 w wants out but won't file
New here and just read up on your situation. I'm also at the separation contract stage so it intrigued me. My H demanded an agreement on October 31. I'm a lawyer, he's a doctor. He is a notorious cheapskate and lazy as can be. I said he would have to file for divorce, but he did some sketchy money stuff and I decided the separation contract was in my best interest so told him I would work with an attorney to put something together. We had two or three tense in person meetings at our house. He tried to get out of coming here. Said he hated being here, hated looking at me, hated hearing my voice. Lawyer took off in Dec and agreement not done until early January.
I've had it sitting on my computer since then. He has not asked me for it and I have not given it to him. He was ignoring my kids entirely (they are older). Over the holidays he appears to have mostly broken up with OW, moved out of her house (he moved straight from our house in early Oct into hers).
Suddenly he is trying to come to the house to see the kids. At first he wouldn't come in the house, now he bounds up the stairs. The last time he took a nap on a sofa in the LR while he waited for one of the kids.
I never contact him. Make him contact me for anything he wants. Kids are older and have phones. He texts them. They don't respond. He doesn't see them. Then he texts me and I give him a time and he shows up. I try to be gone. He gets close for a few weeks, then runs away. Last weekend he posted a poem on FB about a father and husband longing to return home. I ignored it. He is sending emotional texts to the kids that are actually about them now, not just a group text to both that says nothing.
When he left he said he hated me and wanted as far from me as he could get. He said I was alienating him from the kids. He said he was happier than he has ever been. He and the OW didn't last even a couple of months despite an ongoing affair of 3 years before I kicked him out. He said horrible things.
I just keep ignoring him. I only respond to polite requests that pertain to the kids or the house. I never initiate anything, ever. When he asks for the Separation Contract I will give it to him no questions asked. I will not file for divorce for him.
These affairs do not last forever. They are cloaked in mystery and spontaneity and excitement when hidden. There is nothing real in them. The relationship doesn't become real until it is in the open and the LBS ignores it and gets on with life. When she isn't busy commiserating with him about how unreasonable you are or how you ticked her off, they will have nothing to bond over. She will see his laziness and his lack of involvement. It will put her off. Keep up your boxing and your reawakening.
I can see why often the LBS gives up waiting. I feel myself heading there even though he is making positive signs for the first time in a very long time. When you actually GAL and see them for who they really are (and it sounds like you are finally doing that), you realize they are not a great prize and happiness and living without tension and withholding start looking a lot more appealing.
Helies - thank you for taking the time to read about my situation and provide such a thoughtful response. The timing was perfect, since im resisting a moment of weakness to contact her.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
Helies - thank you for taking the time to read about my situation and provide such a thoughtful response. The timing was perfect, since im resisting a moment of weakness to contact her.
Moments of weakness happened quite often, until...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Had a brief kid exchange this morning with the W. Aftet i left, I realized that i had zero emotion while she was around - no anger, no love, no desire to have a relationship talk, nothing.
I was nice and pleasant, but i didnt feel anything. It was like she was a coworker.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
Had a brief kid exchange this morning with the W. Aftet i left, I realized that i had zero emotion while she was around - no anger, no love, no desire to have a relationship talk, nothing.
I was nice and pleasant, but i didnt feel anything. It was like she was a coworker.
\
I think you are getting there, my friend. There is zero emotion left on my end, too. Except for some anger when she does her stupid shite.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Had a brief kid exchange this morning with the W. Aftet i left, I realized that i had zero emotion while she was around - no anger, no love, no desire to have a relationship talk, nothing.
I was nice and pleasant, but i didnt feel anything. It was like she was a coworker.
That's awesome good work fella I hope that I get to that point soon. I can don it over text just not so good at the face to face part yet.
Me:43 W:34 T10 M7 D-5 S-1 Dec16- w says we need mc Jan 17- w doesn't commit to mc Feb 17 - ea discovered Dec 16 D-day Feb 17- one night hook up March 17 w wants out but won't file
We are taking turns at our house right now and its my turn to be away. I forgot something, so i swung by last night to get it. Wifes mom was there - she picked up older daughter from school and was there making them all dinner.
Its so annoying that she has a support system to make her life easy right now, while she is leaving the marriage, having an affair, etc.
Her mom barely acknowledged me, like im the one who did something wrong. Her sister from out of town was there and was super nice like nothing is wrong (sister knows everything and has met OM).
Sure would be nice to be able to move with my kids to be near my family so my life would be easier.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
Her mom barely acknowledged me, like im the one who did something wrong. Her sister from out of town was there and was super nice like nothing is wrong (sister knows everything and has met OM).
A lot of morals running around that place (said sarcastically)... Protect your kids.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Her mom barely acknowledged me, like im the one who did something wrong. Her sister from out of town was there and was super nice like nothing is wrong (sister knows everything and has met OM).
Hmmmm. That sounds pretty judgmental.
I was kind of upset with my ex's family for not being more pro-marriage at first. But ultimately, Im glad that the support was there as my kids need that stability on both sides.
My guess is MIL wasnt sure how to talk to you. Its likely just as awkward for her as it is for you.
