Hi bttrfly, thanks for checking in on me and thanks for stopping by gordie. I'm doing okay. That was a good game tonight!
Yesterday W was texting me because she had to fire a guy for drinking on the job. I joked w/her a bit. Strange she was texting me but like I said before better me than someone else. I kept it short though. She called after work because the cops had a block near the kids' daycare barricaded. I asked her to call to tell me she got them so I knew all was good. She never did so I texted to ask, then she was rude. Ugh, I should expect it by now lol.
I tried to get together w/friends this week but it didn't work out so I scheduled a reiki session this evening, It was a pretty good one so that was nice. I felt good leaving.
Afterwards I stopped at the grocery store and walked by w and kids in her car on my way in. I was going in for one thing but w suggested I follow so we went grocery shopping together, it was a little strange but she tried to talk to me the whole time (kids kept interrupting). I could tell the kids liked us bring together but can't help but wonder if it was a good thing for them or not. I thanked her when we not back to our cars and left.
I had a surpringly nice day yesterday. W had been mad at me last week because she didn't get the kids seats to me and Tuesday morning she was late and I already had them at school. She showed up at the school as I was about to drive off. She was mad and yanking the seats out of her car. I asked why she was mad at me and she said I was making her look bad. I just said it wasnt a big deal and everything was fine. She pointed out a stain out on my shirt and then size I feel better now and her demeanor changed, weird.
That night when she called the kids she asked if she could have a hour on Mother's Day. I told her I was planning on her having them and he whole day and she acted surprised. Idk why she would think that way, I think she is trying to vilify me and possibly being encouraged by mlc friend.
Yesterday she texted in the morning and said she'd be getting there late in the morning but came about a hour earlier. She also thanked me for sending mil and step mil cards and bird feeders the kids made earlier in the week. She said she was going to hang out for just a bit and take the kids for ice cream, seemingly going to make her visit and time short. The kids gave her gifts and cards they made and I gave her a gift certificate for a massage from them too. She was really surprised and happy, she kept bringing it up and I saw her posting a picture of all her stuff. She brought up the massage a few times and was looking the place up during the day. I am glad we could make her day. I was giving her time in the backyard w/the kids and she asked me to come out and said it would be nice for us all to spend time together. We ended up spending all day together hanging w/the kids. Instead of taking them for ice cream sh said she'd rather go get some and bring it back and that she needed to go take her meds and would be back. I didn't ask any questions. i told her I would grill if she wanted so we ended up doing that for dinner but she seemed in a rush to leave early in the evening and said mlc friend got her a present and she needed to go over.
I tried to enjoy the day together without analyzing to much but did listen to a lot of what she said. D was very happy, at one point she was smiling and looking back and forth at us idt w saw it through her fog though. We talked quite a bit and some times things seemed normal but some of what she said was wacky. Like when She told me she was going to borrow her dog so her and mlc friend could take a picture w/their dogs for a Christmas card. i didn't say anything but was thinking you have kids and a family that love you!! There was another time when I was jumping w/the kids and w just had her head between her knees sitting on the deck steps. It's like she's in and out of it lately.
Before she left she told me thank you for everything again, almost like she wasn't worthy. She came over and gave me a hug which really caught me by surprise. She thanked me again and brought up a he massage. I told her she was welcome and she deserved it, I think she mumbled she didn't as she was walking off and we thanked each other for the nice day.
I'm trying not to think to much about it and just treasure the nice day we had but I think one rusty cog may have turned. But again no expectations and keep focusing on me and the kids. The nicer weather has been good for us to get out and keep busy.
Geez, the Christmas card scenario is cringe worthy. I was wincing for her. (Still am.) If she actually goes through with it, it's like a public announcement to all that she is nuts.
Anyway, you do a great job. You really do. Truly, you have an industrial strength zipper on your mouth.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Thank you Hawho and Bttrfly, I really appreciate your kind words and encouragement.
We've had lots of contact this week. I had to go out of town for work the beginning of the week and she stayed at my house w/the kids. Before I left she told me to have a safe trip (I had to go to a terrible place that's hard to believe exists in the states). This is the first time since before BD she's even asked or cared where I'm going. She also talked to me a few minutes after I talked w/the kids one night.
I'm doing a lot of listening and can see she's still out there. The day I got home she chaperoned S on a field trip to the zoo. When she came over she told me how terrible it was, how she decided she didn't like other kids (not her old self, sounds like mlc friend to me), etc. she must have been so overwhelmed. She vented quite a bit and talked to me a lot, she was at my house for about 3 hours but was getting in her phone a lot.
She asked if I could pick up the kids yesterday because she was stuck w/a customer so she was over again last night. She ate dinner and vented and talked to me a lot again. She was very upset because her boss cleaned off her desk while she was gone the day before. I validated her being upset about that and listened even though she kept getting on her phone. She mentioned having the kids stay here tonight because we got/we're getting a lot of snow and it would be easier for her Saturday morning. I just told her whatever was fine. She also texted me later that night about her dryer she just got and a couple times today, once for a joke and the other business.
I left work early today and stopped by the store for a few things. While I picking out apples she came up behind me and gave me a surprise "hey". We talked a couple minutes and she invited me to go eat w/her and the kids and asked about them staying w/me tonight and said they were complaining about never sleeping in. I met them at dinner late and didn't eat but bought desert for us. The kids went and played and we talked quite awhile then they came back to my house a few minutes before she left. I couldn't help but wonder if she had plans but she kept saying she was going to do laundry and go to bed, maybe it is true I know she has trouble getting ready in the morning because the kids are always impressed when I get them to school on time and I got a letter from the school that they have 10 tardies. She's been telling me what she's been doing and her plans lately. Lots of listening on my part. Trying to keep zero expectations because who knows what she's thinking.
The kids and I had a good night, we made snowmen and had a snowball fight. I've noticed D acts different w/W around. She has her moments w/me but acts really hyper, baby talks, misbehaves, throws fits, etc a lot more when W is present. I just don't let her do that w/me. I think she's frustrated and needs attention. Both kids are usually better after being w/me awhile. It usually takes a day or so to get back to the swing of things.
Hi Kyh, thanks for the pop in on my thread. How are you doing with all this contact? Are you able to stay in balance? Zero expectations are essential, so that's good. Re what she's thinking, tbh she probably doesn't know herself from moment to moment.
It's so hard for kids to have to volley back and forth. I see it with my son. The resignation, the anger held in check and the sadness. All we can do is provide as much stability and routine as possible when they are with us.
Overall you're doing well. You are a very patient person. What are you doing about getting together with the guys? How are your GALs progressing?
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I've been doing okay w/the contact but I know I need to work on getting to/staying in the state of mind to keep myself in balance (especially since I was struggling a couple weeks ago) and it's not easy. Its a strange mix a feelings sometimes.
I feel bad for the kids, just like everyone else here I never thought this would be our life. You're right all we can do is try to make the best of our situations for them.
Honestly, gal isn't going too well. I'm keeping myself busy with projects, went hiking the week before last and went to the movies this weekend. Definitely something I need to work on.
a little short journaling. Not much to no contact this week, then w calls me this morning. D had a field trip and W volunteered to chaperone a long time ago. I mentioned it last week and she said she wasn't going but I knew she had sent the papers w/D. D kept saying she was but I kept telling her she wasn't. W called to tell me D's teacher called her about going this morning when they were supposed to be leaving. she kept telling me how she felt bad and how they didn't get ahold of her, etc. she was a little worked up but I told her sometimes things like this happen, it was okay and it's probably happened before and then she acted relieved. We talked a few more minutes about the kids and school and I wished her a good day as she had an out of town meeting she was t looking forward to. Anyway I just thought it was strange she called to tell me this. Maybe she knew I'd help her feel better idk.
