There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
So, now everything is signed, sealed, and delivered. The ex got the divorce she wanted. I came out very well money/asset/custody wise.
Regardless of the outcome, the marriage was irretrievably broken and beyond repair. I know that. I also knew I was fighting a losing battle, yet I did anyway. Why? Was it because I was holding on to the memory of what was or of what she was? Quite possibly yes. I know that, now. I know she isn't coming back, period. The new question is how do I move forward and make the best life for the kids?
People have suggested that I get a smaller house, one that's much more affordable. I'm hesitant on that because it is the kids' home - their safety net - their source of stability in this mad, mad time. Sure, money will be tighter and I'll have to go without frivolous things for myself - but, this isn't about me...its about them. So what if I don't buy a new model or book or game for me or take a trip for myself or some other luxury? I can make do.
One of the most important things that I learned turned out to be the hardest lesson of all. It took many hammers and some very uncomfortable times to realize that no matter what I did, the marriage was done. There was no fixing. She didn't alight on my open hand. Nothing. My road had room, but she chose not to travel it. Guess what? I'm strong enough to travel it myself. And I feel good about it.
Another lesson concerns her affair. I thought, like many on here, that her affair would taper off and she'd come back if I just played along. Nope. The OM isn't to blame. The ex is...period. Affairs don't just happen. The ex wasn't tricked into it. She knew. Affairs take forethought and planning. Excuses are excuses, and none can justify an affair. Long before, the marriage is done, otherwise the affair wouldn't have happened. It took a virtual hammer for me to learn that lesson. I looked at myself instead of placing the blame where it really should have been all along.
I also learned that there will be little hiccups along the way from here on out. I'm in control of how it affects me, no one else is. And I choose to not let it control me. Sure, I do miss my wife...well, the wife that was. And, yes, I do miss what we had - and feel pain of the loss of what should have been. It won't come back, but I can have good memories. The trick is compartmentalizing things.
So what now? Do what I can. I like who I am now. Am I where I want to be? Not yet, but I'm getting there.
Was it all worth it? No.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Your new thread should be started with an HQ moment. The perfect HQ song is "Technicolor Dreams" by the Bee Gees.
I think you are correct, sir. Harley Quinn called last night. Very good conversation.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I'm with you all the way bro. Particularly what you said about keeping the house.
Thank you. It's all about them.
Oh, I just went back and read those lyrics. How fitting.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
In all of the books I have read that have helped me in this journey, I read one by a guy--a regular guy, no one famous--who wrote a memoir about his divorce experience (happily married with no kids, wife cheated on him, tried but couldn't put things back together). It was really helpful for me to walk along his path and see that he made it out the other side alive. I think he self published it as an ebook on Amazon. You are such a good writer and thoughtful about what you've experienced. I'd totally buy your book!
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
In all of the books I have read that have helped me in this journey, I read one by a guy--a regular guy, no one famous--who wrote a memoir about his divorce experience (happily married with no kids, wife cheated on him, tried but couldn't put things back together). It was really helpful for me to walk along his path and see that he made it out the other side alive. I think he self published it as an ebook on Amazon. You are such a good writer and thoughtful about what you've experienced. I'd totally buy your book!
Gordie, my friend, how are you?
Thank you for the kind words. Not so sure I agree with my writing ability. However, I have been working on a little something that isn't related to this in any form...
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Thanks for the lesson learned. We definitely have a lot of similarities in our situations. Give me ~12 months and we'll see if we have the same outcomes.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
Thanks for the lesson learned. We definitely have a lot of similarities in our situations. Give me ~12 months and we'll see if we have the same outcomes.
Kevin, my friend, I hope that wherever you end up you are at peace with yourself. This is just plain sucktastic, you know? We do what we can. I'd much rather not be divorced, but the choice wasn't mine to make. You are doing well, my friend, and will regardless of where your road leads you.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
