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A Message from Michele
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#2732847 - 03/05/17 03:14 PM Military Separation
FMF Offline
New Member

Registered: 02/28/17
Posts: 11
hello everyone,

I am 35, my wife is 33, and we have two children together nine years old and eight years old. Before I deployed in April 2016, my wife had caught me texting another female. The reason I was texting her was because I was lonely and my wife was very distant from me because she was in school and hanging out with her friends. It was almost like we were roommates. I admitted my faults and asked for forgiveness and it seemed that everything was OK before I left to weeks later on the nine month deployment. The first couple months me and my wife would FaceTime and talk on the phone but after that around June timeframe I noticed the call start coming as often. She started hanging around two guys from her class who are married but one guy in particular is always around my wife and kids. They go to ranges the gather, clubs together and stores together additionally doing activities with my children. My wife says he's just a friend and it's nothing more than that and that I'm jealous and insecure. Sore around my eight month Mark of my deployment, my wife told me that when I came home that she thought it would be best if we separate. The reason being is that she lost trust in me. To me I believe that she got used to the single life not have an answer to nobody and hanging out with her friends. So I came back from deployment to my stuff in the car and I ended up getting my own apartment. I confronted the guy because I caught him at my w wife's house the third day I was back. As I drove by because I had a gut feeling something wasn't right. She got hysterical and said I was embarrassing her in front of her friends so I turned around and left. I've been back now for two months and she says she's not in love with me anymore she's telling me to MoveOn and she is real cold hearted to me . She's never acted this way the 10 years we were married together. I don't know if it's a phase she's going through or if she really doesn't want to be with me no more and I don't know how much time to give it. I have pleaded and begged pretty much the first month as I was really depressed and lost 30 pounds. I miss my kids and I miss my wife and I wish you would go back to where it was but my wife seems like she's a totally different person now. I asked if she wanted to go through marriage counseling and she refused. She says she doesn't have enough time for it that she's busy with nursing school, two jobs and raising our kids. So I'm going to IC by myself so I could correct the mistakes that I made in our marriage. I also been going to church as well. I've been talking to her mom and dad and they believe that Satan took over her and just to be patient but I don't know what I should do. I still love her with all my heart even though she's not the woman that I met when we were married. She seems like a 180 of what she was. I don't know if she has resentment towards me because I deployed or if it's still over me texting their female. My children also told me that she spent the night at this man's house with my kids but they slept in two different rooms so I don't know what to think about that I feel it's disrespectful. I feel it's disrespectful and she's hanging out with this man one on one but it seems like she doesn't care doesn't want to listen to me when I mentioned any of that. She did not initiate divorce or legal separation so I'm not sure if she if she wants it done so bad why doesn't she do it . I guess what I need his help because I'm not sure which direction I should go she doesn't care, it doesn't seem like she wants to work on our marriage right now as I asked but she said she doesn't want to work on our marriage right now or she doesn't have time. So should I wait it out or what should I do? Thank you for your time

#2732849 - 03/05/17 03:40 PM Re: Military Separation [Re: FMF]
Cadet Online


Registered: 11/24/09
Posts: 12140
Loc: NY
Welcome to the board

Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.

The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy (DR) book by MWD

and Michele's articles

You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts
(for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support).
Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active,
and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down.
Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come!
Most important - POST!

Get out and Get a Life (GAL).


Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.


Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.

Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:

I would start with Sandi's Rules
A list of dos and don'ts for the LBS (left behind spouse)

Going Dark

Detachment thread

Validation Cheat Sheet: Techniques and tips on how to validate (showing your walk away spouse (WAS) that you recognize and accept his or her opinions as valid, even if you do not agree with them)

Boundaries Cheat Sheet


For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife by sandi2

Resource thread

Stages of the LBS


Pursuit and Distance

The Lighthouse Story

Your H or W is giving you a GIFT.
USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon
Me-64, D31,S30


Moderator:  Cadet, Virginia 

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