Dealing with Devastation

[giftd]

Finally got the Divorce Remedy book. Holy [censored] I love part 2 #5. I feel leagues better after reading this part and the following pages. She is dealing with a lot and I have work to do. Staying positive is incredibly hard. This reading is so uplifting and the positive rational thoughts bring me peace. Yoga, something I've been told to try before but never really gave a chance, has been great at helping me find some quiet in my mind. I smiled today reading.

[giftd]

Emotional roller coaster still. Can't detach for extended periods. Attempted to make plans with someone to get out of the house, we'll see if they can make it. Taking one of our animals to the vet tomorrow. I plan on putting a photo of us there on facebook so her friends and family see it as I won't initiate contact and she hasn't. Dunno if this is something I should go directly to her with. If they need surgery I will. Counseling tomorrow as well before work. After finishing the book I have some questions for the counselor but I think she's "marriage positive".

[Cristy]

Emotional roller coaster still. Can't detach for extended periods. Attempted to make plans with someone to get out of the house, we'll see if they can make it. Taking one of our animals to the vet tomorrow. I plan on putting a photo of us there on facebook so her friends and family see it as I won't initiate contact and she hasn't. Dunno if this is something I should go directly to her with. If they need surgery I will. Counseling tomorrow as well before work. After finishing the book I have some questions for the counselor but I think she's "marriage positive".

Hi giftd,

I'm glad you are reading DR and finding it helpful.

Hopefully your IC is "marriage positive" as you put it. Even so, the strategies your IC may suggest could be different than DR. Many of our clients work with both their IC and a Divorce Busting Telephone Coach.

It would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Please call me to discuss our program at 303-444-7004.

Cristy

Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[giftd]

Unfortunately I don't have the money to set up a call. My counselor today knows of Michelle's work and has heard her speak at a conference before. She likes her ideas and was very receptive to my plan today.

I took our ferret to the vet today because she's having a normal health problem for ferrets. Usually my wife would be the one to take them so it's a bit of a 180 for me to just do it. I called her personal phone while she was at work to leave a message that I was taking her in. I didn't want to initiate but after talking to some people they are basically our children so I had to.

I'll make myself unavailable later and call/text back on my time (not take too long because it's important still).

[giftd]

She called back after I left a message. Went to voicemail, something I've never set up on this phone because I was avoiding talking to certain people. Called her back later on (hour and a half after she called) because I went to a movie on my own, something I've also never done before. Kept my answers short and to the point but not rude and on the topic of our ferret. I ended the conversation saying I was going to bed. Sent her the pictures of the forms like she asked. She texted back that something on them was wrong which might be important to them and said thanks.

Small things that are positive: She called back, not texted. Answered when I called. Said thank you. I ended the conversation and didn't drag it on while being as upbeat as i could in my voice without sounding fake.

[giftd]

Texted after setting up the surgery for the ferret we had decided upon. She is going to pick it up and I'll drop it off in the morning. Hoping that this leads to a face to face meeting for what would be the first time in almost a month. Going dark again now that that is taken care of.

Saw on the news Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are deciding to call off the divorce while they work on things. This makes me happy inside for my own situation.

[giftd]

Her Father called yesterday, he said he talked to her and she agreed it was ok. He picked up my spirits a lot when I was having a hard time getting out of my head. Told me he hopes she realizes that she has to face her life's turns head on and not take them out on our marriage. He thinks it's worth saving and that I have a real chance. I've had a positive interaction over the phone and through text now and shown the first of my 180s. No interaction expected until wednesday when we will have to meet to exchange the ferret from after she picks her up from surgery. By that time it will be the first time I've seen her in almost a month. Hoping her running and cutting me off this hard is because she knows she has feelings. Going to not wear my hat (always wear one) and try some better fitting jeans. Nothing too extreme but things she'll notice. Gonna be a long few days.

[doodler]

giftd,

It sounds like you've got a good father in law.

A few years ago my ferret ate one of my son's Nerf bullets and he had to have surgery. He was near death after two surgeries; he was skin and bones afterward. Now, he's a chubby little monster.

[Cristy]

Unfortunately I don't have the money to set up a call. My counselor today knows of Michelle's work and has heard her speak at a conference before. She likes her ideas and was very receptive to my plan today.

I took our ferret to the vet today because she's having a normal health problem for ferrets. Usually my wife would be the one to take them so it's a bit of a 180 for me to just do it. I called her personal phone while she was at work to leave a message that I was taking her in. I didn't want to initiate but after talking to some people they are basically our children so I had to.

I'll make myself unavailable later and call/text back on my time (not take too long because it's important still).

Hello giftd,

I'm glad your counselor has seen Michele and is aware of her ideas/strategies.

Best of luck to your furry family member on the upcoming surgery!

You mentioned that you didn't have the money to speak with a DB Coach. Please give me a call at 303-444-7004 so we can talk about options.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[WshIKnw]

Warning: This post is more about my situation than yours, but I thought you might be able to relate to my situation, and feel something positive from reading about it. I have also peppered some advice in here for you.

Your story has a lot of similarities to mine. I also suffer from anxiety and depression. I suffered depression until I met my wife 10 years ago. Then my depression turned into anxiety (which was mostly mild until I had to travel out of town). When she left, my anxiety turned into depression again. Mornings are also hardest for me. You said you are scrawny. So am I. I suspect my depression is hardest in the mornings because of low blood sugar, which I suspect is caused by not eating enough, coupled with the fact that one doesn't eat during the night while they are sleeping, and coupled with the fact that I have very little fat on my body to act as a sugar reserve. I have found the greatest cure for my depression/anxiety is eating enough and exercising. Also, controlling my thoughts are important. There is a direct correlation to what I'm thinking and how I feel. Also, observe how you feel after doing certain things. If you feel sad after listening to certain music, you probably shouldn't listen to that music. If you feel sad when you see a picture of your wife, you should probably avoid pictures of your wife. If you feel happy when you get out of the house, you should probably get out of the house more.

I lift weights. I am unsure about cardio because of its ability to burn precious calories, but I think it is good for me to do from time to time. I suspect that it is probably good to do cardio, because it will likely make you hungrier, making up for caloric loss to exercise.

I am also agoraphobic, like you. Travelling, which I almost always did only with my wife, would often make me very nervous, especially in the earlier part of the day. On occasion, I would have out-right panic attacks, and would need to get out of the car and walk around (eating would have likely been the #1 thing I needed). I believe that my anxiety was the main reason she left. I think she saw me as her ball and chain. I desired to go out a lot less than she did. It's a shame, because my weight was higher than it had been in years, and my anxiety was the best it had been in years, during the last several months of our being together. We actually had an anniversary trip right before she dropped the bomb, in which my anxiety was almost non-existent, where we went to the capital city of our state, which makes me a lot more nervous than a small town. Yet, she still found a small thing to complain about how I performed on that trip, even though it was the best I had ever done with her. But by that point, she was just looking for reasons to be dissatisfied with me, likely because she had fallen for the OM co-worker, who I warned her about becoming too close to. I always warned her about her attempts at having male friends. She doesn't seem to understand how attraction can form through acquaintance.

I also use my Netflix account to spy on her, as well as Steam and Facebook Messenger. Despite the fact that she appears to be seeing another guy, and actually left me for him, and at the very least had an emotional affair with him while she was still with me, I still have not changed the Netflix password on her, nor taken away her Sirius in her car, that I gift to her a year's worth every Christmas. I'm trying not to let her know that I'm mad, that I know things that she may not know that I know. I don't want them to hide their activity any more than they do.

People are giving you good relationship advice. I'm still trying to figure out all of that, myself, but what they are saying is on par with the philosophy of Divorce Busting. So, I don't really have anything to add about that.