First time post feeling lost and confused

[dodog]

I know there isn't om on the scene it was a 3 month long ea with a hook up on one occasion. I know that she is having one of her friends in her ear to follow this thorough one who really donesnt like me. It is tough being in limbo. I just want us to try and make this work. She says she has been trying to fall in love with me for some time and she is spent. I'm sure what else I can do to be honest. Sitting here at 8pm all alone kids asleep. Just with so much time in my hands I just start over thinking stuff. Been prescribed some medication to try to combat the sleep problem and over thinking which seems to be working. Not contacted her since Wednesday and that was just about the children and the house. Got a golf trip coming up in a few weeks which I can't wait for just to get away. Also now i have told her that I will be having the children 2 nights a week plus every other weekend at the house and her to not be there I have a bit more stability. The mediator said that we could be months away from sorting this out which only helps me try to see if she starts to turn her way of thinking. Everything I have done so far hasn't worked so going dark and nc may do. She has in her
Mind what she wants with regard to settlement which is basically a new house x amount of cash. Basically her Life now with the exception of me. I'm not going to be walked over re settlement. When you all say patience patience patience and more patience your not wrong.

[dodog]

Feeling it today. We had planned as a family to go on a tour around Scotland over Easter. Only booked before Christmas by the wife. It has since been cancelled and my daughter said earlier we go to Scotland soon in the camper van. It breaks my heart to what my wife is doing and the implications it will have on my family. She text me earlier and I replied and said I think we need to tell outlet oldest something. She keeps questioning where I am to my parents and the lies we have been telling to explain my absence are now getting to much. The wife's reaction no we will tell her next week when I'm back from a business trip. I just want to shout and scream at her. She has hardly contacted them since wednesday. It's like she has just pressed the [censored] it button (my councillor phrase) with no thought of the outcome. As long as she is having fun then balls to everyone else. She has just removed a family picture as her cover picture on fbook. I know patience is the key but the more this goes on the more I'm thinking that why should I even entertain reconsilling with her.

To add insult to injury she knew I had the kids this weekend as she is skiing and has agreed a sleep over for my eldest at one of her friends house. My d is so looking forward to it so I would never stop her but why on the weekend when I was having them.

I'm starting to think that it is time to start thinking about me with regard to the divorce. I told her is she wants a divorce then file for it. Still nothing but she has arranged mediation, so I and starting to look down a barrel of the gun and starting to accept that she is hell bent on this.

I just don't get it from 10 weeks ago booking holidays, offering to put money in my pension, to now wanting a divorce.

[KevinIn]

Hi, thanks for your support. I'm in the uk so db coaching is not really practical.

I'm almost positive the DB Coaches help people in the UK. Its all through phone. You should give them a call to confirm. If so, book a few sessions. They are very helpful.

[KevinIn]

starting to look down a barrel of the gun and starting to accept that she is hell bent on this.

I feel the same way. Since i want a clean conscious the rest of my life, i'm not going to pull the trigger on filing for divorce. She can be the one who takes the steps to destroy this family. Meanwhile, i'm detaching, getting a life for myself, and working on becoming a better person. Its her loss.

I just don't get it from 10 weeks ago booking holidays, offering to put money in my pension, to now wanting a divorce.

Its been mentioned many times on this forum and also in the DR book - our wives have been thinking about this for a long, long time. They finally just snapped. In my case, it was also super fast from when i was told she was unhappy until she said she wanted out.

mediation

We had our first mediation session a few days ago. It focused on custody. Overall, it wasn't too painful. Once again, my DB Coach was a big help in my preparation. I kept calm and showed her that i'm a better person than what she's picturing (except for one minor passive aggressive comment by me).

[Vanilla]

You are in the UK, please get advice on your position in D. This is important, vital even. Find out.

There are Internet resources, knowledge is important, and occupation of the MH is hard to change especially temporary custody orders.

You do not have to advise WW on this, just for your own sake and find a solicitor specialising in D. Know what is what.

I am pro M, very pro and also very pro INTEL and fathers rights, which often means facing the reality of D. Know the position, stay calm and be with your children.

V

[dodog]

Thanks yes mediation in the uk starts with independent meeting first to explain how it all works then it starts about 4 weeks later. First topic is custody. I was aiming for 2 nights a week and every other weekend, we have a nanny to tend to the children 3 days a week and the wife does the other 2 days. I have mentioned this and she is in agreement but wantabthe nanny to songhe care at hers and just bring them to me for the evening. My argument is that if they are my days then the care gets done at my place. But after taking to my dad yesterday he has said that maybe just one night a week would be better and every other weekend. So anyway that's the first hurdle. The finances well that's a whole new ball game.

[dodog]

I seen a lawyer and I know what I have to give legally with regard to child support the next problem is that I earn 3 times as much as her and she knows it so she is going for 60% of the house. Half childcare cost for the nanny and wants 500 a month spousal maintenance. All she keeps saying is that you will still have twice as much surplus income than me if you agree to this. Yeah I know but why the hell shoildni fund you to a lifestyle we had when we were married. It's going to get so messy the only assets we have is the house. She keeps saying that she is being fair in what she is asking for. I know it's for my kids and to be able to get a riff over there heads but it still pains me hearing that all she is concerned about is the financials

[Vanilla]

Discuss the custody issue with your L.

My own thoughts (I am not an L) is where the nanny is could be important.

V

[dodog]

Thanks for your advice. As we are going Thru mediation first it for me and the wife to sort out. I'm now thinking I only want one night a week which would be Tuesdays and my parents have the children on A Tuesday afternoon so my wife cannot expect them to have them at her house. I'm sure we will get it nailed the only thing I have going for me is that she is from a broken family so knows how important access is. We just speaking to a friend who is in the same boat but not married and don't own a property so they have just split. I have months of this shite got to sort out parent orde and finances and then sell the house. That is the only bit that is either a good thing for her to come out of this fog or whatever she is going thru or for me to actually detach properly.

Is just rubbish being in limbo. Sat here on a Saturday late afternoon with one chil who is already getting grotty for not having a sleep so I'm stuck here facing yet another eveing in. Might make the most of it and treat myself to a movie and an early night with some db reading.

[Vanilla]

Sweetie, it's not advice, just thoughts and views for you to consider.

V