I have read dr but I feel like this is just snowballing. One say I think it's the right thing to do the next I don't. I'm at my wots end.
Me:43 W:34 T10 M7 D-5 S-1 Dec16- w says we need mc Jan 17- w doesn't commit to mc Feb 17 - ea discovered Dec 16 D-day Feb 17- one night hook up March 17 w wants out but won't file
I really don't know if she is telling the truth. In the last 3 years we have bought our dream house had a second child. Ok I have been a bit selfish and not shown her the love I maybe should of but this really has come out of the blue. I know I can't fix her she is the only one to do that. I know I can't force her to love me only she can do that.
Yes she does say she doesn't know why she feels like this and she can't tell me why.
I know I need to step back but it's all snowballing out of control. The house is set to go on the market in 3 weeks. I know I can stop this but what if it sends her into a even further black hole?
Me:43 W:34 T10 M7 D-5 S-1 Dec16- w says we need mc Jan 17- w doesn't commit to mc Feb 17 - ea discovered Dec 16 D-day Feb 17- one night hook up March 17 w wants out but won't file
I am a hands on dad I play with them read them stories do the bedtime feeds. I have even videos myself reading a bedtime story for my eldest 5 yr old to watch whilst I am away.
I do however play golf and what I have been guilty of is writing on the calendar what time I will be playing golf each weekend and fitting our family life around that bit I am home by 1pm and it was agreed with my wife to join a golf club. My kids areare my world. As I said I have been guilty of putting them and me before my wife and I realise that
Me:43 W:34 T10 M7 D-5 S-1 Dec16- w says we need mc Jan 17- w doesn't commit to mc Feb 17 - ea discovered Dec 16 D-day Feb 17- one night hook up March 17 w wants out but won't file
I really don't know if she is telling the truth. In the last 3 years we have bought our dream house had a second child. Ok I have been a bit selfish and not shown her the love I maybe should of but this really has come out of the blue. I know I can't fix her she is the only one to do that. I know I can't force her to love me only she can do that.
Yes she does say she doesn't know why she feels like this and she can't tell me why.
I know I need to step back but it's all snowballing out of control. The house is set to go on the market in 3 weeks. I know I can stop this but what if it sends her into a even further black hole?
Hello dodog,
I'm sorry that you are feeling like things are snowballing out of control.
Why is the house set to go on the market in 3 weeks? How was this timing decided? You are so smart to recognize that you could put things further into a black hole if not handled properly.
I highly recommend taking of advantage of the online special for Telephone Coaching. You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. We have many, many international clients. Please call me to discuss our DB coaching program at 303-444-7004.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
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So an update. I have told my wife that I am going to fight for this marriage. I have been walking on egg shells trying to get othwer people to do my fighting for me. I have said that our old marriage is dead and that I believe that we can build a new one learning from our mistakes. She says she is not sure but at least I have told her my stance. I am not agreeing to putting the house on the market I am moving back home on Thursday and will be living in aepeeeate rooms. She says that there is no one else which I believe her. And I have said that just give us some time to see where we can go. Probably not the right thing to have done but at least it bides some time for me to show my intent. I've stood up and told her that I believe that this is worth fighting for. I've shown her a different side of me someone who is not going to just roll with what I think she wants me to do. Will it work I don't know but at least I can now breath easier be a bit calmer and stop the snow ball effect of what has been happening. We are still just 5 weeks since dday and I'm not sure gay doing this at her speed was the right thing to do. Only time will tell I will read dr again. Start being the person I want to be giving my time to nurture marriage and be again tb person she fell in love with. I'm not going to be a door mat I'm not going to question her ask her her feelings just be a strong farther a strong husband and if it works then great if it at least I have tried my damdest.
Me:43 W:34 T10 M7 D-5 S-1 Dec16- w says we need mc Jan 17- w doesn't commit to mc Feb 17 - ea discovered Dec 16 D-day Feb 17- one night hook up March 17 w wants out but won't file
Good, you've made a decision. Go with it. Just remember... this is a long haul. It took a long time for your wife to feel the way she does. It will take her a long time to think otherwise again.
Work on you, make those changes permanent. It's been 7 months since my BD with precious little progress... mostly down to my weakness in applying the rules and techniques. Some posters have been at it for years. Be very patient.
-- Me: 47 WW: 35 SS: 17 D: 5 T: 7 yrs Engaged: 2 yrs OEA confirmed: August 17 2016 ongoing since April 2016. OEA continues (with occasional breaks) BD2 - W says will visit OM in Jan 18
So an update. Back from Korea and had a blazing row with the wife in Saturday. This resulted in a text conversation Monday where she is point blankly saying that this is over and that she doesn't love me and she actually feels sorry for me. I'm now at my wits end I have posted that I do feel that all of this is down to depression so many factors point to it but her family won't discuss it with her. Her friends wouldn't have the back bone to do it. We have our first mediation meeting in 2 weeks individual with a view to have our first one together at the end of April. Due to the children it is tough to do the no contact rule. I said yesterday when she was trying to discuss holidays etc for the children that this is what mediation is for and I get a response if I thought we were adults. I replied with look I'm not doing this if you think of something you want to discuss then write it down and discuss it at mediation. I also told her that I would be staying at the house mondays andbtiesday and every other we end and I expect her not to be there. Some of the stuff she is saying to me is now pushing me away to a point where I'm really getting pissed off. Thjnkjngbthag divorce is the best option. I don't want to because of the children and also because I do feel that this is due to an chemical imbalance but I'm starting to think that I'm actually better off without her.
Me:43 W:34 T10 M7 D-5 S-1 Dec16- w says we need mc Jan 17- w doesn't commit to mc Feb 17 - ea discovered Dec 16 D-day Feb 17- one night hook up March 17 w wants out but won't file
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
