So I have told my story waw says she's been unhappy for years tried to love me but is now spent. I am at my wits end. I'm trying no contact but we have kids. I am a fiver I don't like being in limbo. She says she is done and it's over.
I have penned this letter but not sent it I'm keep writing different one and this is my last draft. I know in my heart that it probably won't work but it's my last hope .
What do you think
Hi,
Been sitting here thinking so much over the past few days about us. And the more I reflect the more apparent that we are so broken. Our marriage has been on a downward spiral for so long and it can't be fixed. There is too much to even try to figure out where to begin.
You have lost faith in us, lost faith in our marriage which has resulted in losing faith in me. You say you are spent, you have nothing left to give as to be honest why would want you spend any more time trying to put effort into a marriage that is past saving.
You have been pushed to the very edge where you can only see the way out of this is for us to separate. We have been drifting apart for so long and there doesn't seem to be any point in trying to mend it.
I'm not looking to mend this I believe that it can't be mended. Our marriage as we know it has past, its dead. We could however learn from our mistakes and build a new one and again be happy. It would take time and patience but it could be the beginning of something so strong. But we wouldn't know this unless we try.
I can't make you love me again only you can do that and if you want to give up and not try then I cannot do anything to stop you apart from accepting that decision.
This wouldn't be for the sake of the children, our children will have all the love they can possibly ask for from the two of us. This decision would be for us and deciding that even though we have hit rock bottom there could be a small hope that we could turn this around.
My stance is simple I have to accept whatever you decide I can force you or make you do anything you don't want to do. I have no control over you all I can do is give your the reassurance that I am willing to draw a line and start a fresh and start back at the beginning. Learn from our mistakes learn to talk to each other and learn to invest time in our marriage rather than allowing it to become comfortable. Marriage needs nurturing, feeding and effort and we haven't done that.
Only you can change this situation I am willing to but it rests on you to take leap of faith.
Last edited by Cadet; 03/07/1701:50 AM. Reason: posts merged
Me:43 W:34 T10 M7 D-5 S-1 Dec16- w says we need mc Jan 17- w doesn't commit to mc Feb 17 - ea discovered Dec 16 D-day Feb 17- one night hook up March 17 w wants out but won't file
Finish reading DR. As Cadet says, don't send that letter. I did things like that. You're in the midst of the LBS bomb drop roller coaster.
Focus on you, focus on the kids. Do what is right for you & the children. NC/Going Dark doesn't apply to the kids, only to your WW.
Have limited, polite contact regarding the kids. Keep it short and to the point, but polite.
Be the best you and the best father you can be. Dad not being at home is going to be unsettling for the kids.
So, if you really want to see your kids, and I'm certain you do, go see them. Arrange it on your terms if you like. Be proactive. Like WillDo said, go see them on Thursday.
It's really hard to stop spinning at the moment, so focus on some techniques that calm your mind. Mindfulness, meditation, watching the game, exercise, whatever it takes. Take a deep breath, this is a long haul, and you will have to dig deep to weather it.
-- Me: 47 WW: 35 SS: 17 D: 5 T: 7 yrs Engaged: 2 yrs OEA confirmed: August 17 2016 ongoing since April 2016. OEA continues (with occasional breaks) BD2 - W says will visit OM in Jan 18
Thank you I won't send it. I've just been reading somewhere else about wife's reading fantasy books such as 50 shades. Didn't really dawn in my until now that my wife's kiddlenia full of them. I am really in a mess about this. I feel helpless. Our marriage to me wasn't bad and the more I look at it then yes maybe we were comfortable in it but I feel she is in a dream land. All she talks of now is selling the house divorcing and I don't want this. I don't know what to do. The house is going to go on the market in 3 weeks. I'm moving back home after 4 weeks away of trying to give her space and that hasn't worked it's pushed her further down the d road. I've stopped the d papers but she hasn't proceeded in sending them to me.
I know the 180 is for me to build a new life but I feel I can't just sit here doing nothing.
Me:43 W:34 T10 M7 D-5 S-1 Dec16- w says we need mc Jan 17- w doesn't commit to mc Feb 17 - ea discovered Dec 16 D-day Feb 17- one night hook up March 17 w wants out but won't file
Why do I have a flashing message symbol coming up but can't access it anyone?
Me:43 W:34 T10 M7 D-5 S-1 Dec16- w says we need mc Jan 17- w doesn't commit to mc Feb 17 - ea discovered Dec 16 D-day Feb 17- one night hook up March 17 w wants out but won't file
Why do I have a flashing message symbol coming up but can't access it anyone?
I dont know but the message says this
Quote:
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So I've posted about my story. Wife wants out says it's over. Tried to fall in love with me etc etc.
So my problem is that in the first weeks I did everything I shouldn't have done after finding out about her one off night with some guy. Said that I wanted divorce blah blah blah. We decided that the house needs to be sold in order for us to move on. Well that is now gathering speed to which it is looking like it will go on the market in 3 weeks time. Obviously it needs us both to agree to sell it she can't put it on the market without my agreement so how do I stop this without her thinking I'm doing it to try and win her back.
I really want my wife to try and work this out now I know she has been unhappy I have seen what I need to do but 3 weeks isn't going to do much. Especially as she is going away for some of it. Do I proceed with allowing it to go on the market with the hope it doesn't sell giving her what she wants.
It's a mess I'm a mess I don't know which way to turn
Last edited by Cadet; 03/07/1703:10 AM. Reason: posts merged
Me:43 W:34 T10 M7 D-5 S-1 Dec16- w says we need mc Jan 17- w doesn't commit to mc Feb 17 - ea discovered Dec 16 D-day Feb 17- one night hook up March 17 w wants out but won't file
