2017 - New year - same MLC but I'm moving along

[bttrfly]

hi Irish. I too had a pregnancy journal but it was a template one from the store. Not sure son will ever read it. I think it's a beautiful gift your wife made for your daughter.

It makes me realize even more how painful this must be for you, mon ami, to see who she is now vs then.

You are doing a remarkable job of validating her while being true to the limits you have for yourself. very very admirable. tres bien!!!

xoxoxoxo {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}} enjoy the photography

[peacetoday]

Irish,

your situation is very interesting-I would say somewhat unusual
this is your xwife pattern also

I would wait longer maybe days to respond and possibly only email back while your at work as well

Your responses seem great, simple, short,,very kind and validating and on topic

I dont think she is done with you, but the way you handle it could determine her actions

And if you look at her progress in the last few months since you dropped the rope, obviously she hasn't forgotten you-or she would not be texting or caring at all-

But MLC is a tricky thing and I dont really have the answer -
we never really know what makes them turn around
but if a behavior is working to bring them closer-the DB coach I used said to continue it-

And positive ,kind, busy ,but somewhat unavailable ex who is GAL(like you) and moving on is way more attractive than a clingy one who is bitter and gloomy

Good luck
I have a good feeling for you but it will still take time-

[Lifes Twists]

Hi Irish,

This could be the beginning of her coming out. My ex said to me about 4 months after the D that she had figured out she could not trust what her mind was telling her. You ex comments are similar in that she is admitting she needed help but did not recognize it at the time. If this is the beginning it will still have a ways to go. She will disappear at times, but will reappear and reach out as she come to terms with what happened. She will take a long time to even figure out what she eventually wants. I am still in the middle of this myself. Just keep talking when she wants. Keep her informed on when the girls are ill or something important happens. What comes in the future will be yours to decide when and if that time comes.

[kml]

.Originally Posted By: Ginger1
Originally Posted By: kml
Perhaps, if the opportunity presents itself, you might suggest she discuss the possibility of bipolar disorder with her therapist.


I didn't see this. Completely agreed. I don't know so much as a MLC but rather bipolar. I am not a doctor, but I lived with a bipolar mom, as I think I may have mentioned.

You also said she did this 10 years ago where she went "manic".


I truly believe MLC. the therapist I saw and with the girls to help is understand what the heck was going on said she was in a crisis. Depression and unresolved issues as a child. Not sure if bipolar takes a 10 years holiday. She didn't show any signs of it before the first short crisis either. But who knows . the brain is a weird and straight thing at times. Not sure if anyone really I understand how it works.

Bipolar may manifest at different levels of severity. I'm convinced my ex has a very mild form. When he was younger, he would have rare, brief (one month or less) episodes of "the blues". The rest of the time he was just mildly hypomanic - the super effective guy who climbed mountains, remodeled our home, was full of energy and plunged ahead into things . As he entered his 40's and had a few concussions, the highs got higher and lows got lower. His behavior became more impulsive and erratic when he was on the up side. Is it possible that your wife exhibited subtle signs of bipolar disorder in between her episodes? Or. Conversely, is it possible that she's an addict who simply relapsed?

[CaliGuy]

Irish .... interesting she went through the journal. I recall mine, right about at this time in the crisis busted open this cedar chest my father built for our wedding gift which holds all the things from our wedding day. She was on me for 2 weeks as to the location of the keys wanting to find pictures of Costa Rica from our Honeymoon, struck me as so strange as one message would be about those keys and the next would be about mediation appointments.

Personally I think she is poking out a bit here, but I also feel she has a long way to go ... as you put it .. walking on fire twice. I would just do as you are and sit back and see if she does in fact reconnect with the girls ... may be far harder than she is going to realize given all that has happened, but I do think if she can pull this off it would speak volumes of where she is at in the journey.

[Irish M]

Hi everyone. Monday the start of a new day and messaging continues.
Nothing over the weekend so I'm sure she won't message while in the company of OM.

Hi bttrfly. Yes there is a part of me that would love to scream at XW, tell her to wake up and be a mom. Be half the mom she use to be. 1/4 mom would even pass. She was amazing and I had so much respect for her. Stared at her sometimes in awe. Toughest part in all this.

Hi Peace :-)
Yes she has shown more progress. Is it because she shes me drifting away or is it because she is waking up.
MLC is tricky and months ago I would of fell hard for her games, if that is what it is. I'll keep my course and see.

Hi LT
yes it could be a start of her coming out. Then again I was here a few months ago with similar feeling. It was a touch and go, or maybe a pre coming out.
I'll listen to what she has t say and keep it light. I'll keep my comments to a minimum.
It's a better feeling this way as I can pull away when ever I feel I need to.

Hi KML
My XW was a happy go lucky. She would light up a room. People that met her said I had a fire cracker. Not too many lows. The lowest of lows was just before MLC hit. she would retreat to our room and watch netflix all day. Say she was tired and no umph. Then all this started. Now I don;t see or know what she does. If she has downs now I am shielded from it. Thank god.

Hi Cali,
Yes she went into detail so I know she reread it all. I could barely read it again as it was written in a time where life was just starting for us. Her praise for me and love shows in this journal.
If she's poking out she is looking at a lot of my life. I'll explain lower down in my post. If she can fight to get her life somewhat normal again and stay the course. I know the girls would let her into their lives. They both have their to do list for her to get there.

now for my update:

Message today was early. Just as she go to work. I was working from home this morning so I did catch it early and waited 2 hours to reply.

Sorry I couldn't message you before, I am very busy at work. There are a few problems to fix here and if I want to keep my job I need to be effective!! I also have a therapist call via skype for an hour.

Your last message seemed cold as if you are protecting yourself and will be defensive. It reminds me of when we were together. I'd not say everything and I am afraid to tell you things or talk about them because you will judge me. I'm afraid that you will get mad. I'm afraid that I will let you down.

You should be with someone who you deserve. I hope with all my heart ( Lady's name ) can meet your expectations and be the one.




Now I read this message a few times. The Lady who she is referring to is a great person and close friend. I have been seeing a lot of lately. FB is private so only my contacts would know of her. Dating phase, not moving in, she is not meeting the girls. We are simply enjoying each others company and we will see where it goes. For her to write her name was a shock. Then again they watch us more then we watch them.

As for her rant on me getting angry or upset. I don't think I will since I've heard it all before and seen more than I wanted to see in the first few months. Hurting my girls was the worst thing she could ever do so anything else wouldn't make me react.

I replied.

upset? nothing else could make me upset. We are where we are. we can either go forward or turn in circles and achieve nothing. It's up to you. As for you feeling I would be defensive . It all depends on how you communicate.

Do you think |I can hand write the girls a letter and mail it to them? I'm afraid it will upset them? What do you think?

Sure, no one ever stopped you or your family from reaching out to them. It will be up to them to read it and reply.

I will write to you later as I am in a rush.... you are free to accept me or not :-)

no reply needed from me. No new messages.

I did talk to the girls about the letters. They both said they will thrown it away. Want nothing to do with her. Now do I read it to them or just step back.

I will be honest with you all. I'm curious to read what she has to say.
her 7 emails to them over the 18 months has been nothing but ME ME ME ME...Telling them they have no choice to respect her. That they need to get over it and see her. She wants to see them at the local coffee house and talk. That they will never meet OM. Usually these come around mothers day and Xmas.

We will see if she writes them, we can start with that. I hope she does.

[Vapo]

Hi Irish,

I say butt out. It is between her and the girls. Besides that, remember that some things are better left unseen, and when you see things, you cannot unsee them. So if you get the letter to the house addressed to the girls, give it to them and walk away, do not go dumpster diving to read what she wrote.

Stay strong buddy...

[job]

I am inclined to agree w/Vapo. This is a broken bridge that only your w and daughters can rebuild. I know that you are curious to read what she has to say...but I do not think it's advisable to get between the two parties. Give the letter to the girls and let them decide what they want to do. They may leave it on the counter or they may toss it out...but that's not for you to decide. Also, once it's in the trash, leave it there because it's not written to you...but to the girls.

[rd500]

Hi Irish , great advice and i just wanted to say that you are a great dad, i see you being strong re exw but i know the conflict and pain this must be causing you. Your daughters are very , very lucky to have you as their father and rock.

Take care , RD

[peacetoday]

interesting why she brings up your friend
and her choice of words
you wonder is she glad you are dating to relieve her guilt or jealousy and looking for information
obviously she found out, so she must be interested
also sound s like she has done some unacceptable stuff in her own eyes and does not see herself as worthy

When my xh and his W reached out last year to the kids, I didn't say much
my son deleted it
I personally read all their communication to my kids to make sure it was acceptable and to get information about his life now-
my D pursued an interaction which never happened, instead he or his wife wrote some lame apology about not being ready
Probably best to just support the girls and keep it real neutral with xw so she doesn't blame you for their unwillingness to speak to her