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Rouky #2731619 02/23/17 05:11 PM
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Originally Posted By: Rouky
The fact that ex never expressed remorse (even genuine one) doesn't help with me feeling compassionate.


Im only 3 months into this horrible journey and my wife clearly articulates that she feels guilty but has no remorse about the affair or about not trying to fix our marriage. The lack of remourse is painful.

Originally Posted By: Rouky
... if we had separated amicably it wouldn't been a problem, but the separation was imposed to me by ex. When it comes to the kids we do communicate and show a united front but in all fairness if we didn't have kids together I'd not be in his life. Friends don't treat each other by betraying them. Am I wrong not to be friends with him? As far as I'm concerned he is my kids' father and I don't wish to be his friend as you don't treat friends like he did.


I'm having a tough time on this one too - friends dont treat people like my wife has treated me since BD #1.


M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6
11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA
Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing
1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break
2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing
2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
Rouky #2731794 02/24/17 07:40 PM
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Hey Rouky!

So happy to see you this strong. You are seeing things much more clearly and that is a good thing. Happy to hear that you are GAL and no you do not have to date anyone. There is always pressure to be seeing someone but I like you am in no hurry. I do talk to girls and occasionally hang out with someone in a completely casual setting but one thing is certain; The next Mrs. Shotgun will have a heart of gold and a #@^& made of creamed corn!

Love Mark


M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
shotgun #2732331 02/28/17 03:49 PM
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I sound like the perfect description of the next Mrs Shotgun. Hahaha.

Life is good for me, busy with work and kids. I have more ups then down but at times it is a bit of a struggle to keep my head above water. My kids are having more and more regular contact with OW and they seem to like her. It hurts they like her but on the other hand (180 for me) she is being good with them, so I guess the positive is that she might be a good stepmother to my kids (at least better than I was with my SD!).

Other than that just reporting, first meeting with ex since I filed. We were out for the kids' parents/ teachers meeting. Ex didn't acknowledge me, so I just said hello and ask how he was. I didn't get an answer but wasn't expecting one. I just wanted to show my girls that even if I hardly have any contact with their dad, when I do I behave cordially and politely. I nearly burst out laughing because as soon as we saw our kids' teachers ex moved his chair far away as possible from me. Was he expecting me to jump on him? Or was it that he was uncomfortable as I really looked nice ( nice make up,perfume and a lovely dress). The funny thing is that I wasn't expecting him to turn up so I'd dressed up normally.

Once more no eye contact with ex but I did notice that he looked older and he didn't appear that happy. I guess he could have had a bad day at work. The only thing I can honestly tell you is that if ex was to come back I'd not take him back. I can't explain why but it's coming from my gut feelings. I guess there has been too much hurt for me to turn a blind eye (which I wouldn't anyway).

In 20 days it will be my two years separation date, not feeling to
sad about it (I guess there will be an odd feeling somehow), but my life has never been this good. I'm nearly there with my fight against depression. I'm more positive and feel better about my physical appearance. Most of all I have started to love myself, and this is the best gain out of this situation. Shame that ex isn't part of it but if he didn't do what he did I'd have never ever done the work I'm doing now. I'm not saying that I condone what he did but if it hadn't happened I'd have not work on myself to be a better me.

Rouky #2732356 03/01/17 12:32 AM
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Rouky you are doing so well. Very proud of you for showing up at the conference looking and smelling all sexy! It is a positive if whoever your ex ends up with that the kids get along with her. If he isn't looking at you he is probably angry but hey that's his problem. Keep looking hot whenever you go out and one of these days our paths will cross and I will sweep you off of your feet. Keep up the good work, Mark


M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
shotgun #2732464 03/01/17 04:01 PM
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I really love when English speaking people use the phrase sweep you of your feet as if I translate it words by words in my mother tongue the outcome just makes me giggles!

After a kind of a rough night after seeing ex, I'm back to my old self and that is good. Last night I was thinking that I fell in love with ex because his eyes were so blue and nearly see through, well last night they were dark blue. Never seen his eyes like that before.

GAL is looking good out twice this week and just booked a holiday on the spur of the moment with a friend. So yes life after BD does get better.

Rouky #2732495 03/02/17 12:14 AM
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Rouky- glad you were able to bounce back quickly after seeing your ex. On your earlier post, you mentioned he looked older and not that happy. I bet he's not happy. I felt the same way about my ex too the last time I saw him 4 months ago. I think my mouth opened and I gasped because he aged like 15 years. Definitely did not look happy at all.

I make the assumption it's partially because they don't do the intense work that we do. They thought they could find happiness elsewhere and yet.... They brought their same issues to their new situation. Nothing is going to help them, until they can do some 180s within themselves. It's a shame really. I feel like we have the secret sauce and were more than willing to help our ex's with it, but...... Well, ya know. Their loss, right?

I'm glad you have some nice GAL activities planned. Kudos to you for booking a last minute holiday! Sounds exciting!


Me- 30's H- 40's
T-10 M-5
I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
D filed by H: September 16
Pax_luv #2732719 03/03/17 04:38 PM
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Feeling sad and crying a lot. Got a phone call from solicitor ex is accepting the ground of divorce, then he tried to contest over payment but as accepted to pay for it. I guess it is his way to say sorry and it should bring me closure but it doesn't.

What can't he see what he has lost? Why do him and OW deserve to be happy? It feels like life is good for them! He is also going away with kids on Mother's Day! Ok it is his weekend with them but for the last two years I always had them on this day like when it's my weekend but it's father day I let him have them. Also he is off on holidays with OW! And yes am cheesed off as we couldn't go away that much because we didn't have much money but now that he is single he has more money. Not fair: what has she got that I don't have?

Sorry but I wanted to let the steam out. On the other hand NASA stressful week but all worked out in the end, and my two nights out were very good.

Rouky #2732818 03/05/17 08:46 AM
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Hi Rouky!

Awesome that you were out two nights last week! Also proud of you for booking the holiday. I have gotten a little lazy about GAL but I am enjoying working in my shop these days. My therapist worked with me for a time trying to figure out why I had stopped doing my art but we kind of strayed away from that work. Just needed time to heal emotionally I suspect.

What has OW got that you do not? A substandard set of morals that allows her to get involved with a married man. I am telling you that the decent women are very reluctant to get involved with me because I am only legally separated. The tramps are glad to but I will not settle for that. Your ex will.

Keep moving forward and hold your head high Rouky. Also don't hold your husband having blue eyes against the rest of us who do too. There is nothing dark about mine as they are very bright and wide open! Your eyes are wide open as well and believe what they see. They are the pathway to your soul and you must trust them.

God Bless you always, Mark


M:53 W:47 M:15 years. S:18 S's: 30 & 28 from previous marriage. BD: 3/14 Divorced January 17.
shotgun #2732824 03/05/17 09:55 AM
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Hi Rouky, I hope you're having a better day today and Shotgun is spot on with his posting to you about OW. I recall reading once that OW is nothing to you and has nothing on you. She is his problem not yours...it has helped me to think that way anyway...

Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2732974 03/06/17 02:57 PM
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Thank you very much Shotgun and Sotto for your reply. Unfortunately I'm still struggling and really looking forward to speak to IC. I'm jealous of OW because I work so hard to build what I had with ex, and now she is reaping all of my hard work. I was looking forward to have nice holidays with ex but they are both on holidays now! I stayed up until late doing the house up with ex after a full day at work, and looking after our children.

OW has done none of this, she is enjoying her life (who buy the way has improved since being with ex) with my hard work and I'm seriously cheesed off! I gave that man everything, put up with his antics because I believed that our future would be better once we would be mortgage free! Instead he is doing all what we had planned to do but with her!

Can someone tell me why I'm feeling like this. My head is well screwed on and I know that I couldn't trust him even if he was coming back (which I don't) but my heart is not accepting it. I know they are both better suited because they are very similar but I can't get my head round that apart from being depressed I gave him everything and I know I have a lot more to offer him than she does. So why did he chose her over me?

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