You often talk like there is no hope of her coming back. So, when you say "use this time wisely", it makes me wonder why it matters so much to use this time wisely.
There is always a chance, until You decide there isn't. It sounds like your state has 1yr separation period? If so, that's what Jeep means by use your time wisely. You have a whole year to gal, get your sh!t together and become someone only a fool would leave. I wish my state would have had that. Take this time to do something different. Cut your hair, get out of the house and be seen. Do something you have never done before. Your wife will take notice, but she can't take notice if you are always trying to figure out why she did what she did. That my friend we will never know. You have got to live as if she doesn't exist, as hard as that is. Become interested in YOU and what you want. Quit analyzing, it is going to drive you insane!! The only thing you can control is You. It's tough as he!!, I know. I lost my Dad, who was my best friend, 3 weeks ago. I couldn't even mourn the loss of him because I was still obsessed with my WW and doing the same things you are doing right now. That's no way to live brother. Keep your chin up, you can do it.
There is always a chance, until You decide there isn't
Not to be the negative nancy, but yes there is unless the other person really is done and doesn't want it at all...just like in my case.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I never said give up hope, but to be realistic. Should he live his life on what she may/may not do? How is that healthy?
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I just needed to know how important things were to her. That's all. I needed her to put her foot down, and demand things -- not give up when she didn't get them. Why do women give up on marriages so f***ing easily?
I see your frustration and understand why you have so many questions. Many of us on here don't understand how someone you spend over a decade with can just one day decide they don't want to be with you anymore. My W did many things that you are describing as well. She deleted my entire family from her FB, turned cold towards me within a week without warning, gave me no hope that she cared about our past, didn't let me know she was so unhappy and wanted out of the marriage, etc, etc. I know it hurts to think about all the good times in your M and question how she doesn't anymore. My W and I took a trip to New Orleans with friends 3 months prior to her leaving. My W told me that, even though things got better this past year, she still wants a D. You can't explain these actions and if you dwell on them it will drive you insane. I wish I had the answers to all your questions as I was once asking them myself. I do not believe she is giving up on the M so easily. This is something that she has had in the back of her mind for sometime and has finally made the decision to go forward with it. I also understand you questioning the methods you've learned here in regards to "fixing" you MR. However, its not about that as your old MR is over. You can only focus on yourself at this point and do things for yourself. Don't worry so much about what she is doing. Hell, my W is already seeing OM but now it doesn't bother me. If you would have talked to me a few months ago this would have broken my heart. She is not the woman I married anymore and by loving myself I have realized that I don't deserve this because I'm a better person. From what I have learned here I now love myself more than my M or my W. Once you start focusing your attention on yourself you will realize that it will get easier. The pain will never go away, but it will get easier. In time, if you keep practicing what you have learned, your W may come back and then she may not. Hopefully, by then you will have built a strong enough relationship with yourself that whatever happens you will have the tools to make things better than before.
M: 37 W: 36 T: 16 M: 11 D2: 8,3 PA: 2015 WAW: 2016 W Filed: 2017 2/07/2017 W officially dating OM2
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I never said give up hope, but to be realistic. Should he live his life on what she may/may not do? How is that healthy?
What is healthy is for you to follow basic DB'ing Detach, GAL, Work on self and keep moving forward. Stop looking backwards and become a person only a fool would leave.
That's what I've been saying all along. He can't live his life dependent on if she will or won't come back. At some point he is going to have to move on for his own sake.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
That's what I've been saying all along. He can't live his life dependent on if she will or won't come back. At some point he is going to have to move on for his own sake.
Let me just re-phrase what you wrote slightly. He has to keep moving forward.
Let me just re-phrase what you wrote slightly. He has to keep moving forward.
He will decide when it is time to move on.
I can live with that.
Moving forward is just what the butterfly analogy is all about. For now, he's squeezing the life out of that butterfly. We've all done it...and I'll be the first to raise my hand. However, if he doesn't open his and release it, it will never come back to alight.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
