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I have been putting some of 'Sandi's' rules in place and feeling better just focusing on me, feeling a little more like my old self in only a couple of days which feels really good, still have the odd crisis moment usually at night but the majority of the time i am able to get on with things and even felt good in the gym first time in a while.

Question I have is how to handle when W shows some affection? she put her arm around me last night, came to give me a kiss when i came in from work and snuggled up next to me on couch last night while we watched TV. The last time this happened I reciprocated and within a day she became really cold again and I lost all confidence so how am i supposed to react without appearing too cold but also without opening up too much and losing my confidence again?


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If she gives you one, give her one back.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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Originally Posted By: Jeep74
If she gives you one, give her one back.


Ok I feel like I made it awkward so will try and just react if she makes moves first next time if there is one.

The Detaching really helps keep sanity in check I was falling apart prior.


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Has anyone hear experience a similar situation to mine and what was the outcome?

We are still civil, no cheating I know of, filed but not served, house isn't on the Market yet, had one consultation with mediator but no further discussions etc.


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Quote:
The Detaching really helps keep sanity in check I was falling apart prior.


It does. It is just very hard to learn and do.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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Yes it currently is just a temporary state with cracks here and there of going back to feeling like Cr@p here and there.


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Have you read the Pursuit and Distance materials in Cadet's link? They will help illuminate what's going on w/r/t those instances where she's affectionate, you reciprocate, and then she pulls back. It's microcosmic of the relationship as a whole right now.


Me: 46
W: 44
Married: 17
Together 21
D13; S10
BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you)
Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage
Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
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Originally Posted By: JRuss
Have you read the Pursuit and Distance materials in Cadet's link? They will help illuminate what's going on w/r/t those instances where she's affectionate, you reciprocate, and then she pulls back. It's microcosmic of the relationship as a whole right now.


I did read that, part of the issue she had with me was being 'emotional unavailable' so didn't want to come across as cold towards her.


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CM82,

In my opinion, the best thing you can do right now for yourself and for your marriage is get out and GAL. Find something you really enjoy and excites you and go totally hardcore. Keep moving forward for yourself and don't look back.

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Originally Posted By: doodler
CM82,

In my opinion, the best thing you can do right now for yourself and for your marriage is get out and GAL. Find something you really enjoy and excites you and go totally hardcore. Keep moving forward for yourself and don't look back.



I agree and working on that part, doing everything possible to make sure I will be OK for myself and the Children.
So hard to entirely switch of feelings after 12 years together.


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