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Originally Posted By: Matrix
Go to Target.

OK but when you go home don't walk back through your front door carrying bags full of toilet paper and shampoo bottles.


Me: 50, MLC/WW 45
Young kids
Nov 2015: BD1
Apr 2016: BD2
Jan 2017: W filed
Feb 2017: D final
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 110
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The short answer to your question, Matrix, is no. I'm no longer trying to save my marriage.

Long answer....really just me journaling. These last few months have made me reevaluate my life and my marriage. I could've told you months ago that I was in a emotionally and verbally abusive relationship, but it was as though I was distanced from it. I knew it, but (using the term used here often) compartmentalized it. If anyone else had told me they were experiencing the same things I would tell them to leave. Don't walk, run! However, when it's happening to you, it somehow seems different. I could give example after example and never be able to fully explain what I went through. Unless you've experienced it, it's hard to comprehend. I've always justified as someone else has it worse. And they do, but it doesn't make it right. His own mother calls him a narcissist.

I've also realized that it was a pattern I was used to. My mother and step father did the same things to a lesser extent to me growing up and so it makes sense that I just accepted it as normal. I was codependent on H and see now that my marriage was toxic to me.

Knowing all this does not mean though that I don't still ride the roller coaster. He's all I know. Since I was 15, he's always been there, good or bad. Now I have to stand on my own with no support. It's scary. After my childhood, all I wanted was for my children to grow up in a happy, solid single family unit. I failed them. I'll never be able to brag that we just celebrated our 50 year anniversary. No matter how close you become to someone else, you can never share the same closeness you've had after basically growing up together. So, yeah, I still have bad days. But I'm not about to let them break me. I'll pull up my boot straps and move on because my kids need me to. I need me to.


M:41 H:43
T:26yrs M:19 yrs
S:15 D1:14 D2:9
Living together but separated
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Gump you are funny! I'm guessing the laundry mat would be out too, right?


M:41 H:43
T:26yrs M:19 yrs
S:15 D1:14 D2:9
Living together but separated
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,387
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01020+7...

Happy to see you're starting to detach, and you're feeling some strength....


Me: 50, MLC/WW 45
Young kids
Nov 2015: BD1
Apr 2016: BD2
Jan 2017: W filed
Feb 2017: D final
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
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Hi, Chewie!

Seems that you are doing good, 01020+7!


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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I've talked about dealing with WH's bipolar mood swings over the years and the role they've played in the destruction of my marriage. Now I am so tired of my own mood swings. Today's not a good day. When does it stop?


M:41 H:43
T:26yrs M:19 yrs
S:15 D1:14 D2:9
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It never totally stops. Just lessens in time, but never totally stops.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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I can't decide if that's a positive or not, Jeep.

It seems to be getting harder, not better. WH received 2 more loan checks in the mail today. This makes 5 in the past month. I have no idea how much money he's borrowed. I do know he hasn't paid any of the bills and his gf, who doesn't have a job, suddenly seems to have an awful lot of cash to spend.

I hired an attorney last week and told WH I was not going to do mediation. That night and most of the next day all I heard either verbally or through text was how horrible a person I was (summarizing it nicely) or all the different ways he planned to hurt me financially, again putting it nicely. This included leaving our house and withholding any money to support our family. Then a switch flipped and he was oh so sweet... my best friend.

I told him today about the attorney and that he'd be served this week. I never wanted to be the one to file, but because of these loans he's taking and his threat to not give us any money I had to protect myself.

He texted me about D's birthday later this week, mind you he's just down the hall. Can he come to her party with my family? Can her gift be from both of us? This lead to a discussion about our children. I know you don't put things in writing, but nothing that was said by either of us could harm the other. But it's left me feeling broken. How do you look at these kids and think another person is worth THEM? How do you get up every morning and feel OK about missing any second of their lives? Why is it OK that you get to move on with your life and because you think the grass is greener, I will now have to miss time with them. Time that is precious to me. Why do you get to sit there happily talking to your gf while I sit in another room crying for my children? It's not fair.

I know we're all in the same boat. I just needed to vent because nobody else seems to get it. I'm so tired of hearing he'll regret it one day. Honestly, I know he will. But what does it matter when he's destroyed my family?


M:41 H:43
T:26yrs M:19 yrs
S:15 D1:14 D2:9
Living together but separated
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
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I'd say no to having him come to your family's party...after all, is he going to after the divorce?


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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Honestly, life isn't fair. I can understand the venting, however, you two are going to be tied at the hip for a long time because of the kids. While he has a right to 50/50, he doesn't need to come to any of your family things. That's odd. I'd also say no to the co-gift because it can send mixed signals.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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