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Hi Pax,

Just checking how you are.

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Pax - you ok?
xo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Hi there,
Thanks so much for checking in! I'm more than ok!

I've been slammed at work and all my personal time has been spent focusing on my 60 day fitness challenge. It wrapped up this morning. I'm sad, but intend to keep the regimen going and will be doing another challenge in May. I have more to give.... So I will give it. 😉 This last week, the diet was brutal as it was designed to give you the best "after" photo. It worked! I wish I could show you pics because I spray tanned like the body builders...i look like one, for sure! It was hard, but so worth it. (we all know that song and dance really well).

That's it... Been too busy to get the motion going for the dog. That is on the to-do list first thing Monday morning.

Other than that, things are well. Going out with my fitness team tonight. It's been a fun day of cheats so far- breakfast burritos, rolled tacos, doughnuts, Oreos, mimosas... And that was all before 7:30am. The splurge will continue tonight and I'll be back on track tomorrow. wink

Wishing you all a lovely weekend and thanks again for checking in! Xoxo


Me- 30's H- 40's
T-10 M-5
I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
D filed by H: September 16
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So good to hear from you! Wish I could see the photos. I bet you look terrific! Well done!! xoxoxo
watch out on the binge - after being so strict, sometimes the binge can make you sick xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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woot woot... nicely done pax!!! you sound excellent!

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Sounds amazing Pax! Ditto on what Bttrfly said, though. I can only imagine your poor tummy, LOL!


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

Kindness, kindness, kindness.
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Pax_luv Offline OP
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Thanks everyone! Tummy held up a-ok!

Feeling pretty grateful right about now. My (former) team took me out to happy hour this evening as a thank you for being their manager. With my promotion, I'm no longer overseeing this group of 18 women. We went out and had the best time! Honestly, I had no idea they actually appreciated all I did for them.... But now that I'm gone... All I hear is their gratitude. I'm a very supportive manager and I invested a lot of time in their ongoing development as individuals and as a team. It often took its toll, especially when I was trying to survive (literally) through bd and subsequent separation. The gifts, photos, and tears meant a lot. Management is a thankless job sometimes.

Earlier today, I was lamenting over the fact that ILYB was 2 years ago right after ex's 45 bday. If only I had known about MLC sooner! Truth be told, I'm glad I'm no longer with that man.... I would have never realized my potential and disposition for love and compassion had I stayed in that prison of doing things exactly as he wanted. What strange paths we must take, eh?

That's it for now- hoping to get some time to catch up on some threads soon!


Me- 30's H- 40's
T-10 M-5
I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
D filed by H: September 16
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{{{{{{{Pax}}}}}}}

very proud of you!!!


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Oct 2015
Posts: 760
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Pax_luv Offline OP
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Hey all! Hope you're having a good week!

Non- update, update.

Got a large envelope in the mail yesterday. It was moderately thick. Immediately I noticed it was ex's handwriting. Weird how I haven't seen his writing in over 2 years but I could still spot it with precision. It was addressed to me in my maiden name with no return address. (Eye roll)

I didn't want to open it, but I felt it and realized there were several odd shaped paper items in it. I was guessing it could be tax forms, old marriage cert., birth certificate, other docs, etc. anyway, I opened it, and not knowing what it could be, I prepared myself to get a punch in the gut. In it I found that he had mailed me a few pieces of junk Mail along with my car registration renewal. Ok, it was nice of him to send me the renewal notice since he's not speaking to me.... But 5 pieces of junk mail??? I mean, overt junk mail. Yard services, coupons, etc. wtf?!!!? Clearly I've had way more junk mail in the last 4 months since ive physically seen him. Why these random things?

I made up that he added those pieces so he could give me the registration, but not just send the registration...but why?

I have to be honest... I was a little annoyed by the fact that he sent it to me in my maiden name ( was it passive aggressive or was it that he hates me so much that I'm not worthy of his last name?). Then, I was scared and nervous for what could be in the envelope. Finally, when I went through everything, I just had to shake my head. Whatever.

I don't get him and I don't feel anything for him anymore. I still get affected by him to a degree, but that's when my personal psychological safety is concerned... I'm still on high alert with our interactions. It's like living in an environment where a predator is always present. Just can't relax and let my guard down. I'm really over that sense of constant insecurity. I want this to be over soon so I can feel safe from emotional warfare. Too bad the end is not even near.


Other than that.... He's nothing to me and it makes me sad. Hmmm. I honestly tried to mull it over and tried to think if him sending me the registration was a good sign... Maybe there's secret consideration for me afterall? But no, I don't have it in me to think like that anymore. Again... Sad.

Hmmm... Just wanted to jot these thoughts down while I had a few minutes before going to bed.


Me- 30's H- 40's
T-10 M-5
I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
D filed by H: September 16
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Hi Pax, that is very strange to send you junk mail. Maybe he didn't feel he had the right to dispose of it because it is addressed to you? I must admit if I got any for H I would just throw it away!

Addressing the envelop in your maiden named is weird and sounds a bit passive agresive seeing as you aren't divorced as yet.

Sounds like you are in a really good place now. This morning I squeezed my damp eyes shut and prayed to God to help me to accept my sitch and to give me the strength to get through it. Reading your post I know there is hope for that.

Have a good day Pax!


Me - 47
H - 45
D-16
M - 6 years
Separated - May 16

Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
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