Thank you, Pinn! That means a lot coming from someone I greatly respect! Yep, I was one of those people that was on here every spare second of the day in desperate search of the formula that would help me piece back my marriage and life. I didn't find that formula, nor did I have to opportunity to "test" things out with ex, but I really got so much more. I'm grateful for that.
Ciluzen, thank you! I owe it to people like you who have given me perspective either on my thread or theirs that have helped me along this journey. Which by the way, is far from over. So much work still to be done with myself and the official burning of the marriage contract.
re: dog. It's really hard to say who he "favors". When I lived at the house, he was my baby- always snuggling with me, always playing with me, and following me around. However, since ex didn't work, he was often the one who took him to the dog park during the day and did daily errands with him. With our current arrangement, ex still has him longer so I don't know how the dog feels or what their life is when they're together. We don't talk!
Ciluzen, great perspective on the the stubbornness and control. I think you nailed it on the head.
Bttrfly.... Dating..... Because of DBing I definitely have a very positive outlook on things and just embrace getting to know people as they are. No expectations, just remaining open to experiences
So, date 1 took me to a fancy restaurant where we had cocktails on the rooftop bar overlooking the ocean, it was accompanied with a gorgeous sunset.
Date 2 brought me flowers and we took a long walk along the water to a restaurant that was playing live music. He knows I'm super active so he planned the walking route accordingly
I was really tired for date 3 so he accommodated and met me close to my place. I liked that he was a gentleman and opened the door, pulled out my chair, etc. I looooove these manners in men, but SoCal guys don't really aspire to this level of gentleman-ship. So, sadly, I don't expect it, and am pleasantly surprised when I do get that. Even better when the man walks on the outside. Love it.
For date 4, we went beer tasting, which was fun. This guy had a ton of energy and is a bit of an Indiana Jones which I like... (Trekking through Borneo, etc) but his ego was a bit inflated. Got to get to know him better.
Tonight I'm going out with date #3 again. He works in peds icu and I like that he has a childlike personality because that's who he's constantly around. He is filed with cheesy jokes and it's cute.
So, yeah, just taking each experience as it comes and taking it one day at a time
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
Bttrfly.... Dating..... Because of DBing I definitely have a very positive outlook on things and just embrace getting to know people as they are. No expectations, just remaining open to experiences
I'm so glad you are in this space. Your dates sound like fun. Continue to enjoy yourself! xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I can't even ever imagine getting to this point, but it is so inspiring!
Agreed. Honestly, today I'm not even open to new experiences. I know that might change tomorrow, but in this moment - I'm miles away, maybe even lightyears.
Great job Pax xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Hey guys. Thanks for the feedback and support. Much appreciated.
I think there comes a point that you just know it's time to move on and live YOUR life and maybe experience someone new. At least that is the case for me. I went on dates periodically throughout the separation, but it didn't feel right. I was too attached to ex still.
While he does still get to me, i know he's not the guy for me. My new- authentic-life is a continuous reminder of that. I'm ok with locking the door to that relationship and throwing away the key.
And regardless if his current nastiness is MLC related or not, he's always been egomaniacal. If you go back to my past threads (which I don't recommend) you'd see that I predicted this from the get go. Could it have been a self fulfilling prophecy.... Nope..... He's a scum bag.... Just didn't think he'd turn on me, except I kind of knew it was a possibility. So in a way, being open to being in a relationship is exhilarating and freeing.
So, back to dating. It's also much more fun when you have a solid awareness of who you are and what you stand for. This is something I didn't have before... I think it's because I met ex while I was still young and figuring myself out. Things are totally different now. It's that awesome law of detachment!!! I do me and you do you and let's see if we can meet in the middle, but not overlap completely.
Also, it's fun being in a position of being with people who have similar interests. <--this is very superficial and not sustainable long term, but it's nice to do things that I like to do and never could do with ex because he had sooooo many hang ups. (We could never do long hikes, go in elevators, take long drives, eat at different restaurants, etc)
But it's not all rainbows and butterflies. In fact last night, I went out with a guy (2nd date) and long story short, we ended up at the mall looking at fancy watches because he wanted a new watch. Ummmmm sounds terrible and pretentious, right?!! Well, honestly, because I didn't totally care in the first place I was completely fine with this. I just sat back, had a couple glasses of bubbly and enjoyed the experience. Meh- no harm no foul!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
That's what comes of knowing your worth and not having to jump on the first thing that comes around (and of course having lived the red flags and now knowing what they look like).
