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Stuff is getting crazy. OM's W called me today. Said she found texts between her H and my W yesterday and had been suspicious for a while. Had confronted him but he denied it. She gave me dates he's been in town recently. She sent me the texts she found. My W was saying "Mmm I wish I was still in bed with you". OM's W said she had been texting and calling my W's phone but no response. That her husband was coming over to talk but still denied when she said she had spoken to me. Said her H had sent her (his W) flowers for Valentines Day and they even had sex yesterday. That he's an alcoholic (which I knew), cocaine user for 15 years, hardcore for the last 3, and that when he shot himself it was in front of her on her 40th birthday while there 2 kids were in the other room. This guy is a real winner. I'm concerned he could possibly harm my W or she even harm herself now that everything is coming into the light. They're both very unstable.


Me: 33 W: 33
EA: mid 10/16
BD: 12/10/16
PA1: 12/12/16 - 12/15/16
PA2: 12/30/16 - 1/1/17
I filed for D: 1/3/17
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 66
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brizz Offline OP
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I texted my W's mom and cousin she had been staying with to let them know the details of what's been going on since my W was probably lying to them. Also spoke to a mutual friend. W texted me that night to "Stay out of my business" and "I'll be talking to my lawyer about this". Not sure what she thinks she can tell her lawyer that I did wrong. Only trying to keep her from getting physically hurt by an unstable person. Neither her mom or cousin responded to me so who knows if they even believed it. My W may have been able to lie and say I was crazy.

OM's W has still been in contact with me. He was in town this weekend and started texting her that he was sorry for breaking her hurt. She asked if he was with my W and he wouldn't answer. He said he was flying back home early today, instead of tomorrow like he was scheduled, so they could talk. Still wasn't admitting the affair with my W.

I don't know how this is my life. I wish I had a time machine to go back 3 months when everything was normal and boring and with the knowledge I have now to work on not making my marriage vulnerable to this insanity.


Me: 33 W: 33
EA: mid 10/16
BD: 12/10/16
PA1: 12/12/16 - 12/15/16
PA2: 12/30/16 - 1/1/17
I filed for D: 1/3/17
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 203
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I probably wouldn't have said anything to her family. They will take her side no matter what and consider her the victim in all this. My W has done the same and I can't imagine them ok with the fact that she is already dating. The papers have just been filed! Nice parents, but they are going to support her regardless of how you feel so I personally have never said anything to them about it. I showed my W's family nothing but respect and even asked her parents for permission to take her hand in marriage before falling on one knee to propose. I would also help her family out whenever I could. None of this matters now though and I'm the a**hole. Can't imagine what she told them, but I know what the truth is so it doesn't matter.

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I don't know how this is my life. I wish I had a time machine to go back 3 months when everything was normal and boring and with the knowledge I have now to work on not making my marriage vulnerable to this insanity.


You and I both brother! So many times I look at a calendar and just wish I could go back.... It is so crazy to think how I ended up here in just a few months.


M: 37 W: 36
T: 16 M: 11
D2: 8,3
PA: 2015
WAW: 2016
W Filed: 2017
2/07/2017 W officially dating OM2
Joined: Feb 2017
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brizz Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: SAL27
I probably wouldn't have said anything to her family. They will take her side no matter what and consider her the victim in all this.

I think that's what happened but I had to try or I wouldn't have been able to live myself if she was physically hurt.



OM confessed to his W during counseling. She told me the details but hasn't told him we've been continuing to communicate so she has info to tell when he's lying. Said he and my W had sex the 4 times he has been in my city since the A really began to escalate in December. I strongly believe they had sex the first time while my W was visiting his city but I'm not sure why he'd lie about that. He said they only had dinner together all 3 nights she was there.

He said she told him I physically abused her and am an alcoholic. Neither is even remotely true. I don't know if he is lying or my W is. Not sure what the lie would gain him. Really makes me mad either way.

He said they used protection each time. That she gave him oral sex. That he felt wanted. He said he broke it off Sunday before he flew back home and she cried.

While his W was texting me these updates, he texted her asking her to come over to his apartment he had moved into to help with his laundry. Unbelievable.


Me: 33 W: 33
EA: mid 10/16
BD: 12/10/16
PA1: 12/12/16 - 12/15/16
PA2: 12/30/16 - 1/1/17
I filed for D: 1/3/17
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
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Quote:


He said they used protection each time. That she gave him oral sex. That he felt wanted. He said he broke it off Sunday before he flew back home and she cried.


Brutal truth. Now that you know the damning extent, especially what she had done, what are you going to do?


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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brizz Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Jeep74
Quote:


He said they used protection each time. That she gave him oral sex. That he felt wanted. He said he broke it off Sunday before he flew back home and she cried.


Brutal truth. Now that you know the damning extent, especially what she had done, what are you going to do?


Trying to figure that out. I don't know if she'll come crawling back now that she's "alone" for the first time and this shakes her from the fog or if she's done with me regardless. If this is what gets her to want to talk, I have to question her motivation when I gave her so many chances to talk before and she continued her destructive behavior. She never shed a tear for me but she did for him.

I'd have to really feel confident it's coming from a genuine place and I wouldn't just be opening myself up for this again in the future if suddenly she's saying she didn't mean all the hateful stuff she said to me in December. And if she was telling her friends and family, lawyer, whoever, that I physically abused her and am an alcoholic? That's seriously messed up.

I meet with my IC tomorrow so I'll discuss it with him. I'm thinking I'll see if she contacts me this week and if she doesn't maybe on Friday text her and ask if she wants to talk.


Me: 33 W: 33
EA: mid 10/16
BD: 12/10/16
PA1: 12/12/16 - 12/15/16
PA2: 12/30/16 - 1/1/17
I filed for D: 1/3/17
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 203
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That is some brutal truth. However, you are not hearing this from your W and for me I needed that. I needed her to tell me the brutal truth so I can finally start to believe she is being honest with me. Not sure if you would want to hear these details from your W, but it is not uncommon. Many professionals agree that this is a big part in the healing process. My W never actually told me the entire truth until I heard it from a third party source. That pained me even more, but later she would confess all the details. It really didn't matter at that point, but she said she thought it would hurt me even more to hear them. It did hurt knowing that it happened more than she confessed to. I found out I was paying for hotel rooms, they had sex at her work, in the backseat of my car, on road trips while at work, behind buildings out in public and at one point she thought she was pregnant from him. I believe that is when it stopped. I would later discover an email from my W to her mother that basically said she was sick and tired of answering all my questions. Her mother ended up telling my W that I was crazy for wanting to know. However, I would later read so many articles that state this is actually normal and helps the person who was betrayed gains some sort of trust from their spouse. At first I thought I was crazy for wanting to know every little detail of her PA, but so many people who have been betrayed need to hear these things from their partner to help heal. Not sure if this would help you in your healing process, but if she is lying to all those people about you being physically abusive then most likely she will just lie to your face about her PA. IMO I think if she was genially sorry then a good place to start would be by honestly answering any questions you may have and telling you the "brutal truth" in regards to her PA. That is, of course, if you want to know these things.


M: 37 W: 36
T: 16 M: 11
D2: 8,3
PA: 2015
WAW: 2016
W Filed: 2017
2/07/2017 W officially dating OM2
Joined: Mar 2015
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Quote:
Her mother ended up telling my W that I was crazy for wanting to know


Blood is always thicker than water.

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but if she is lying to all those people about you being physically abusive then most likely she will just lie to your face about her PA. IMO I think if she was genially sorry then a good place to start would be by honestly answering any questions you may have and telling you the "brutal truth" in regards to her PA. That is, of course, if you want to know these things.


This goes a lot deeper than whats on the surface. She's not sorry, period. Usually by the time the PA happens - and she does the things that was said (there is a HUGE difference between just sex and that with oral included...HUGE) - we are less than nothing to them. That must be kept in mind, too.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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Quote:
(there is a HUGE difference between just sex and that with oral included...HUGE)


I would have to agree. It may be one thing to have some drunken sex one night with someone you know, but to go to the extent of what they are doing is totally different. They don't give a rats a** about their S or their children for that matter. My W actually had the nerve to find a babysitter one time for her A! They are caught up in the moment and don't give a s*** about anybody but themselves.


M: 37 W: 36
T: 16 M: 11
D2: 8,3
PA: 2015
WAW: 2016
W Filed: 2017
2/07/2017 W officially dating OM2
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
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Quote:
I would have to agree. It may be one thing to have some drunken sex one night with someone you know, but to go to the extent of what they are doing is totally different. They don't give a rats a** about their S or their children for that matter.


They don't. As was said before, their spouses might as well be dead...

Quote:
They are caught up in the moment and don't give a s*** about anybody but themselves


Truth. I would think that its more than just being caught up in the moment. This took planning.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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