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Originally Posted By: SBJ

4. I am fearful that I won't look right in the eyes of those that I talk to about God and his desire to keep marriages together...even though this is not my idea.


What does this mean? I know people can be judgmental, particularly religious people...is that what you mean? As I was just reminded, you can't control what other people think, say, do...so I think this is one of the fears to let go...easier said than done...

Re your W saying she wishes you would start dating...again, hard to/not helpful to mind read...my W says the same thing...I get a couple of different versions...


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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I haven't written much over the last week...kind of a well deserved break from my own crazy life. The last week has been busy with the birthday parties of my mother, my niece, and a friends surprise 50th. I obviously attended the two family parties with my kids, but the friends 50th I went stag got to visit with several current friends and also met some new people. It is good to get out of the comfort zone sometime.

Yesterday morning around 1am, my youngest woke me complaining of severe back pain and he was soaked with sweat. We brought the fever down and the W took him to the dr first thing. He was quickly admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. 24 hours later he is doing much better and is on the mend. I spent several hours at the hospital with the W yesterday and had great conversation. No R talk, but good, normal conversation nonetheless.

The MIL was also there for a long while, so she of course chimed in on alot of the stuff going on with my two SIL's...they are both nuts in their own ways. One is a long term addict (25 yrs) and the other suffers from high anxiety. The wife has always been a mother figure to both of them. The addict still relies on the W, but the younger sister and W don't even talk now. She was the only one that spoke up to W about making a mistake in leaving her family.

The W spent the night at the hospital last night and I will take the shift tonight. It hurts to see your kids hurting. I would do anything to take his pain and discomfort from him.

I hope everyone is doing well...God bless and have a blessed day!!!


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
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Originally Posted By: SBJ


Yesterday morning around 1am, my youngest woke me complaining of severe back pain and he was soaked with sweat. We brought the fever down and the W took him to the dr first thing. He was quickly admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. 24 hours later he is doing much better and is on the mend. I spent several hours at the hospital with the W yesterday and had great conversation. No R talk, but good, normal conversation nonetheless.



1 I hope your S is doing well/getting better.
2 Glad that you were able to have "good, normal" talks with the W.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Hope your son continues to heal SBJ!!


W:42 M:48
T:9 yrs M:1yr
BD: Feb 2016
EA Confirmed: Feb 2016/PA July 2016
D: Feb 2017

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I wanted to jump in and validate your feelings on how much more difficult it is to cope when the A person is a "friend" or someone we know. In terms of gender differences, well I can't speak to that, but I can say as a woman having to think about my H with OW (who I thought was a friend for years), well it made me physically sick. It has also been much harder to forgive him.

I actually thought OW was a close friend; we hung out often, family dinners weekly, family holidays, and even vacations. Although I always had some instincts about her and that she was dishonest and manipulative. Then she started to use our children to spend more time with H, started bad mouthing me to him, and when our M started having troubles, well she was always right by his side wanting to comfort him. This was while my father was dying and right around the time my teen was being diagnosed with bipolar. She preyed on his vulnerabilities. He was weak and ran to what "made" him feel better. I blame her as much as I blame him, because even in my own cloudy depression, I saw her behaviors clearly.

And guess where this psycho moved when she left her H? Right down the street from me. I had to see my car with my kiddo's car seat in front of her apartment. Sick & twisted. He did put his tail between his legs and try to leave her several times--during the EA and when they were together after we split--but it wasn't until their R died (he realized he was running and it wasn't real) and I started to move on that he did his sharp 180 and came back.

So if you have read my sitch, then you know my H has been back for almost 2 years. OW? Well she just moved on to next OM. I do believe that the universe has a way of working these things out. But of course I still have a lot of resentment. It doesn't affect me or my mood, but it remains. I think this is why I still struggle with respecting him.

So where am I going with all of this? No matter how she justifies what she did, every morning she has to wake up and live with herself. She may wake up and justify her behavior or she (most likely) skates through life in a perpetual state of denial. So I pity anyone that lives without introspection; it must be a shallow and lonely existence. How can you ever have deep and meaningful relationships if you can't look inside yourself and grow? If you can be okay hurting others? If you can keep running to others for validation?

My H is in a different boat, in that he has looked at himself, his mistakes, and he has tried to make changes. However, this has also come with a painful price and led to more shame and depression. It is gotten better and he is looking forward, but this is forever in his history. You can't escape your bad choices, even when you make them right. He hurt so many people in this, including all of our friends, family, and his own children. I would never want that riding on my shoulders.

So we LBS get to hold our heads high. I am not perfect and we ALL make mistakes, but overall I feel proud of the choices that I made. I am still trying to DB and look at myself and how to be a better W, mother, and person. I am still fighting for my M and my family. I am trying to do what is right and I think there is honor in that. I would never go after a friend's H, have an A, or hurt people that I care about. I am proud of my character. I think I have attracted awesome people and friends in my life because of that.

So as hard and as painful as this is, all you (we) can do is wake up each morning and try a little bit harder. Make choices that you can be proud of. Look inside of yourself, and even if it's painful, face those challenges. As time goes on, I promise, you will heal and you will get stronger. And as for the liars, cheaters, and deniers? Well, I think you will learn to feel sorry for them, as they will not come out on top. If you keep fighting the good fight, you WILL COME OUT ON TOP. Juts believe in yourselves. You are here reading and so I believe in you.

Blu


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
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SBJ, I missed your last post--I am sorry to hear about your son. I hope he is recovering well!


Blu


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
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Blu...thanks for the kind words on my sitch and also about my son. He and I are both fighters so we will prevail. It doesn't mean that the sitch at hand doesn't stink, but like roist says...we will THRIVE.

It does seem odd to me that someone would be able to do this to someone that they claim to love, but it is what is happening. I, like you, know that when I wake up each morning my conscious is clear. I can only pray that God is talking to her each and every night when she is at her most vulnerable. Maybe one day she will see what she has done is wrong. Not just to me, but to our entire family.

I have loved her and treated her with total respect for our entire 25 year relationship and honestly have never even given another woman a thought. I like:
1 Corinthians 10:30...No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

I feel that we all are tempted at times, but it is how we handle those temptations that show our true colors. She failed once 21 years ago and asked for my forgiveness. We got back together and have had 3 wonderful kids together and many great memories which she is rewriting now, but I am a man that made a covenant with her and God and would see my family restored. At this point it is all in her court and she has to decide whether or not she wants to ask to come home and work on things.

As many others have stated, some people have to push the D all the way thru before they realize what they have done. It seems that she is of that mindset. She is asking me to finish my paperwork so that the attorneys can finish things up. I am truly uncomfortable, but I am willing to drop the rope at this point. It will really hurt, but I guess we have to get out of our comfort zone at time.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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SBJ--I agree with you 100% on everything you said. I have been reading the psalms as comfort. My W was always the more religious of the two of us which makes it all the more difficult for me to believe this is happening. Stay strong.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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UPDATE...S10 is out of the hospital and back home. He is doing fine after 3 days of being pumped full of antibiotics. D14 is now sick, but doing well at home with meds. I will be grateful when their illness is behind us. I had the kids last night and they did great. The W is getting them today and taking care of them today. It is her weekend with the kids, so I guess I will be decontaminating my house all weekend. HAHA!

Hopefully the rain will hold off and my oldest and I can get to the golf course. He is wanting to improve his game and I am desperately in need of practice myself.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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Originally Posted By: SBJ
UPDATE...S10 is out of the hospital and back home. He is doing fine after 3 days of being pumped full of antibiotics. D14 is now sick, but doing well at home with meds. I will be grateful when their illness is behind us. I had the kids last night and they did great. The W is getting them today and taking care of them today. It is her weekend with the kids, so I guess I will be decontaminating my house all weekend. HAHA!

Hopefully the rain will hold off and my oldest and I can get to the golf course. He is wanting to improve his game and I am desperately in need of practice myself.


Glad the kids are better and awesome that you are getting back out on the golf course with your boy--spring time in Texas?


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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