So I've been leaning on this scripture for a while... Matthew 10:26New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)
Courage Under Persecution. 26 “Therefore do not be afraid of them. Nothing is concealed that will not be revealed, nor secret that will not be known.[a]
I know that it is speaking of the truth of the word of God, but I have been wondering when or if either she will slip or I will hear from someone else about her plans.
Well last night it happened...having drinks with some of "our" friends and found out that the EA never ended and turned into a PA. Also explains some of the things that the W has said throughout this process..."that one day I will see what we were missing, but I just don't see it yet!" I guess that was her telling me that she had found it and that this guy is her soul mate.
I know everyone says that the A is just a symptom of the MLC, but this was an extra hard gut punch last night. I know that I need to let go and let God take over, but the hurt is real today. The feeling of betrayal and abandonment totally $ux.
I love my W totally and unconditionally, but why does her journey have to have so much of a negative affect on me, my kids and our extended family?
This guy is a total POS, narcissistic, bad boy, con artist...I refuse to believe that anything of a future could happen with them, but then again I never thought she'd do this to our family either. It is truly time for me to be her prayer warrior, but do it from a totally detached distance. Does anger allow us to detach better?
I have again realized that I do need to work on myself, but now realize even more that I'm not the one that is broken.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Oh man.. I'm so sorry SBJ. Like you I've been assuming A but have yet to have it actually confirmed. I can only imagine how visceral that confirmation must have been for you. Our minds can conjure up quite a picture and really cut us to the bone, can't they?
I wish I could offer something that would make this less painful. Everything you are saying is what I've been thinking too. We know the A is a symptom and we know that they are the ones who are broken, so it doesn't make any sense why we are the ones how are brought such pain by the crisis.
I think you can let go and let God, and at the same time I think it's ok with Him him if you also need to bawl your eyes out from the pain. Maybe that's how we get it all out so that we can give it to Him.
Hang in there tonight. I'll be saying a prayer for you.
Me : 42 Him : 43 M : 18, T : 19 D13, D11 4/16 1st BD (ILYB) 11/16 H wants s, moves out of br 1/17 H rents house & moves out 2/17 OW (he denies PA but EA last winter) 5/17 I filed for D 7/17 D Final
Thanks Bird, I have my three kids with me tonight and they are what keeps me sane.
The W showed up at church this evening and sat by my youngest and myself. She texted after Mass and said she didn't get to say peace be with you to me during the service. I responded in kind and told her that she is in my prayers daily. Her response was..."Thank you...I do pray for peace for you too". She is so lost in her fantasy that she is blinded to what the true consequences are. It's like I'm stuck in a bad soap opera.
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
So I've been leaning on this scripture for a while... Matthew 10:26New American Bible (Revised Edition) (NABRE)
Courage Under Persecution. 26 “Therefore do not be afraid of them. Nothing is concealed that will not be revealed, nor secret that will not be known.[a]
I know that it is speaking of the truth of the word of God, but I have been wondering when or if either she will slip or I will hear from someone else about her plans.
Well last night it happened...having drinks with some of "our" friends and found out that the EA never ended and turned into a PA. Also explains some of the things that the W has said throughout this process..."that one day I will see what we were missing, but I just don't see it yet!" I guess that was her telling me that she had found it and that this guy is her soul mate.
I know everyone says that the A is just a symptom of the MLC, but this was an extra hard gut punch last night. I know that I need to let go and let God take over, but the hurt is real today. The feeling of betrayal and abandonment totally $ux.
I love my W totally and unconditionally, but why does her journey have to have so much of a negative affect on me, my kids and our extended family?
This guy is a total POS, narcissistic, bad boy, con artist...I refuse to believe that anything of a future could happen with them, but then again I never thought she'd do this to our family either. It is truly time for me to be her prayer warrior, but do it from a totally detached distance. Does anger allow us to detach better?
I have again realized that I do need to work on myself, but now realize even more that I'm not the one that is broken.
I am heartbroken for you. That's just beyond words and the going to church with you and the kids. You had the reading of the healing of the blind man, right? How poignant. I too wonder why God has set us in this painful path and I am reminded that his ways are above our ways. Lift up your suffering for the salvation of your W's soul.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
SBJ, I'm so sorry to read this. I haven't posted a lot but have followed your thread and In hindsight it makes sense. They want to hurry the D so they can excuse their inappropriate actions. It sounds like your dealing w/it well considering the circumstances. Better than I did. Use the anger to detach if you can and focus on yourself and the kids. They will need you because in my experience w will put herself and OM first (actually she already has); for the time being she is gone.
SBJ.....I am so sorry. That is news that no one ever wants to hear.
I know when my husband said "yes, its true I had an affair" it was like this rage came over me. I started yelling and screaming and trying to hit and kick him. Definitely NOT one of my better moments.
I still am trying to cope with my anger. It is something that comes and goes. Sad to say its been more prevalent lately
If you can find a way to use the anger to help you detach then you are doing much better then I am.
You are such a strong man and thankfully you have your faith, family and friends to help you through this difficult time.
Please continue to take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you
Hard as it is, I think you are better off knowing the truth. Your path has not changed. I hope that you can find a way to channel your emotions regarding this into working on what makes you happy.
It is a gut punch. It is telling you to let her go completely. Holding on will only hurt you more withaditional punches. Maybe this is the push you need to move out of survival and into living. Aim for that.
I agree with those who state OM is just a symptom.That may not help you immediately but I urge you to trust it is so. His presence may cloud your wife's judgement for a while yet. Be ready to be patient.
But whilst being patient ramp up your efforts in all other aspects of your life. Live it as fully as possible.
I am sorry you have to go through this. It changes nothing unless you choose that it does. You can still save your M, but it will take time.
Best wishes
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
Thank you guys for the kind comments. This totally stings and is something that I have not been able to get out of my mind. She has still not owned up to it, but I was told from someone that has first hand knowledge.
Roist I thought I had been patient...it's only been 5 months since she moved out and BD was only in July. That just tells you how to me it feels like forever, but some that have been in this for so much longer. I love her...I think unconditionally, but that is truly being tested right now. I definitely hate what she is doing and who she is becoming. It's like Satan has her by the short hairs and is controlling her every move.
I guess it is the hurt and the feeling of betrayal that are the worst parts to all of this. I am continuously telling myself that I am not broken and I did not break her. God will have to take the reigns for a while, because I need the rest. She is in my prayers every hour of every day, but like you said, my focus needs to be on me for now.
THX
Me 49 W46 T25 M22 S22 D18 S13 W had EA Apr-Jul 2016 Dropped Bomb 7/9/16 ILYBINILWYA HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17 Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
I am sorry. I know it hurts. Broken people seek out other broken people. In MLC they are not going to attract healthy relationships: neither on the platonic nor the romantic front.
Hold your head up high and square your shoulders. Be thankful you don't have to live with the guilt of doing that.
Keep the focus on you. Leave her to figure things out herself.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
I am sorry for your pain. When I learned of my H's EA several years ago I went to a divorce lawyer who told me to accept that it was likely a PA. She said that way I could accept it for the worst so that future disclosures would not be a death by a thousand cuts. To this day I am convinced it was a PA. Even after he confessed his later PA he still insists it was an EA. Now I could care less about either or how many other women he has slept with in the last few months. I accept that this has nothing to do with sex or love and everything to do with his disfunction. I think I have this attitude because it is done and I don't want that mental tape to play in my mind forever. It is very easy to love people who are honest, kind, and true. It is very hard to love people who lie, cheat, and dishonor. But to love unconditionally requires just that. How long any of us can continue to love that way is the big unknown.
