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I'm still trying to figure it out. But this scenario makes a lot more sense to me than her planning to leave for months or years.


Think we are all trying to figure it out. My W said her biggest complaint for me was that I did not spend enough "family time" and this was true. She told me that she would go places with the kids and see all these happy family's and would start to miss me. Said after awhile it became so normal that she just pictured herself a single mother and got used to it. This was not something that happened within a few weeks. I assuming it is the same with your W. If it popped in her mind from time to time then it had to be something that was building up. Unfortunately, you can't change the past. The only thing you can do is learn from this experience and work on bettering yourself.


M: 37 W: 36
T: 16 M: 11
D2: 8,3
PA: 2015
WAW: 2016
W Filed: 2017
2/07/2017 W officially dating OM2
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Originally Posted By: LITB
I hope you realize that we are trying to encourage you and help you see things from a big picture perspective. Sometimes it comes with a 2x4. Nonetheless, you have as much right to be on these forums as the rest of us.

You get to choose what advice we share with you that applies and what advice to discard. You are working to find your way. We get it.

Yeah, I really appreciate all the encouragement. Because I really get discouraged easily right now.


M: 33, W: 30 @BD
M 7, T 10
BD: Early Dec
W left: Late Dec
W got stuff: Late Jan
W sent S papers: Mid Feb
OM cnfrmd: Late Feb

Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
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See, my friend, we've all been there. Trust us when we say it's been a long, long time in the making. She didn't come to the conclusion over night, and the fact that it's "popped in her head" quite a few times will ate eat to that. What it appears is that you are trying to rationalize it into thinking that it's a recent decision, whether on some level it is to make yourself feel better, who knows. But it's not. This - like the affair - was long in the making. The thing is, you need to stop thinking the whys and what fors, because it's only going to bring you pain. Concentrate on you. Unfortunately, you need to look at the future without her.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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"Attest" not "ate eat"

Geez


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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Originally Posted By: Jeep74
See, my friend, we've all been there. Trust us when we say it's been a long, long time in the making. She didn't come to the conclusion over night, and the fact that it's "popped in her head" quite a few times will attest to that. What it appears is that you are trying to rationalize it into thinking that it's a recent decision, whether on some level it is to make yourself feel better, who knows. But it's not. This - like the affair - was long in the making. The thing is, you need to stop thinking the whys and what fors, because it's only going to bring you pain. Concentrate on you. Unfortunately, you need to look at the future without her.

She posted something on FB on our anniversary saying that I was her favorite "pair of long legs" and that she still loves me so.

She gave me an anniversary card that said she was so glad to have me in her life, she loved me so much, and she hoped for many more years to come, growing with me (this is just the part she wrote in herself). Our anniversary is Nov 21. She went cold and started building a wall a week or two later. Nothing that I know of happened during this period.

Doesn't to me sound like someone who is planning a breakup, but I suppose if she were trying to do it sneakily that she could have been. I hope it wasn't that she was planning to break up and didn't want me to know because she didn't want me to try to fix it.

Everyone on this thread but me seems to be sure there was an affair. So you guys are even more suspicious of it than I am?


M: 33, W: 30 @BD
M 7, T 10
BD: Early Dec
W left: Late Dec
W got stuff: Late Jan
W sent S papers: Mid Feb
OM cnfrmd: Late Feb

Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
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But someone sneakily planning a breakup probably wouldn't put all that effort into painting the deck, the previous month.


M: 33, W: 30 @BD
M 7, T 10
BD: Early Dec
W left: Late Dec
W got stuff: Late Jan
W sent S papers: Mid Feb
OM cnfrmd: Late Feb

Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
Joined: Jan 2017
Posts: 355
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I wonder whether my wife blocking me and my family off from being able to see hardly anything on her Facebook profile, could be her temp checking me at all, perhaps doing something to make me hurt, so that I complain to her and show that I still have feelings for her. Or she could simply be trying to keep me out of her business and perhaps be trying to protect my feelings by not letting me see things.


M: 33, W: 30 @BD
M 7, T 10
BD: Early Dec
W left: Late Dec
W got stuff: Late Jan
W sent S papers: Mid Feb
OM cnfrmd: Late Feb

Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
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Posts: 2,937
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2x4 [ON] OFF

Dude, just stop. Do I need to bring out the anniversary card my ex gave me ONE month before BD and in the midst of her affair??? You can try to rationalize it all you want. I know, I was there. You don't want to see it for what it is, so therefore you choose blindness.

Stop analyzing things. It's not going to you any good. Period.

2x4 ON [OFF]


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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Originally Posted By: Jeep74
2x4 [ON] OFF

Dude, just stop. Do I need to bring out the anniversary card my ex gave me ONE month before BD and in the midst of her affair??? You can try to rationalize it all you want. I know, I was there. You don't want to see it for what it is, so therefore you choose blindness.

Stop analyzing things. It's not going to you any good. Period.

2x4 ON [OFF]




WishIknew......man I feel your pain, I'm going thru the same thing unfortunately. Same age range. 2 days before my wife BD I would have bet all I own that she would have taken a bullet for me, yet 2 days later, she was gone. I have done all the same things you are doing, analyzing everything, trying to make sense of her actions, replaying marraige over and over to try to see where it went wrong, but all this did was make my life miserable!! And honestly I didn't come to this realization until my divorce attorney slapped me in the face with it about 3 hours ago. She told me to quit dragging my feet, get in touch with the reality of the situation, and move forward. She said the one thing I CAN guarantee you is that WW will get a divorce from me, no matter how long I stall, beg, plead, etc. if that's what she wants, then the judge will grant it. Listen to the guys on here, they know what they are talking about. You are gonna drive yourself crazy, I know I did. I feel like a huge weight is off of my shoulders now, I have felt more normal in the last 3 hours than I have in the last 5 months. Take the butterfly reference to heart. Accept, let go, and be the best you can be. What's meant to be will be. Accepting the reality will be the biggest relief ou have felt in some time, I promise. It's tough, but you can do it.

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I recently took down a bunch of pictures of her and put them in a dresser.


M: 33, W: 30 @BD
M 7, T 10
BD: Early Dec
W left: Late Dec
W got stuff: Late Jan
W sent S papers: Mid Feb
OM cnfrmd: Late Feb

Pain can yield tremendous growth OR everlasting sadness and bitterness.
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