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Thanks for the update. It sounds like you are in a good place no mater what happens re D. Best wishes for whatever happens this week. Re needing D in their journey? Has your MLC told you that? My W has.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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CaliGuy Offline OP
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Originally Posted By: Gordie
Re needing D in their journey? Has your MLC told you that? My W has.


Well ... like all things yes and no. The monster who needs D, along with the spew that no longer has a place for me to listen to. During the touch and go she told me she felt like she wanted it but deep down she just could not do it, something was not allowing her to. I think she knows that its the last straw, and honestly for me may very well be.... again .. time will tell, I really have no expectations one way or the other she will follow through with the D or won't, my life is not going to change at the moment regardless. I have been consistent with my stance on the D .... its all hers if that's what she wants, I am not lifting a finger to push it one way or the other.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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Ok ... Spidey senses were spot on


I knew the increase in MLCrs actions over the past 2-3 weeks were coming from somewhere, I was just not certain where. I received the second set of divorce papers in the mail ... the financial disclosures and have 2 or so weeks to respond/give her lawyer mine .... I plan on consulting with a lawyer first so we will see how this all pans out. Financially I actually benefit more if we were to D ... and as I have said I do think she may need this to continue on her journey or at the least close the book on her and I and move forward. I just think after the reality of the financials set in I am in store for a F5 Spew session so it may be time to bust out that old spew jacket I have kept in storage.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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Woah...your spider senses are really good. Best wishes in dealing with any nastiness coming your way. What a V day. Hugs.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Originally Posted By: Gordie
Woah...your spider senses are really good. Best wishes in dealing with any nastiness coming your way. What a V day. Hugs.


Paired well with my Birthday .... lol

In fact I have had a MLC 'moment' for most the major Holidays/events for whatever reason throughout this crisis. They used to be triggers for me but as time goes by I realized the only power they were given was by me ... so its back to what they are ..simply Holidays and events.


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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Just an update/journal

I went to court yesterday for the D issue. Arriving early as my usual fashion I was not sur eif the MLCr would be there or not, secretly hoping she may have forgotten for whatever reason ... I still am trying to sort through those emotions, there is 90% of me that wants this to happen and be over with at this point some 3 1/2 years post BD, but then there is that 10% that thinks maybe just maybe my old W would wake up and magically come back to me, I know this is not possible but yet there is that old me who is still as perplexed/confused as to how we wound up 'here' ..... again I have accepted all this but no matter how long MLC has been a part of my life there is just making no sense of it all.

So as I entered the court room and checked in with the rest of the poor people in the grough I spotted the MLC lawyer right off, I had googled her back in Sept when I was served just to research and see what I was up against. After 2 hours of hearing custody battles (some VERY ugly) and then fighting a smile hearing a couple "We are in counseling and trying to reconcile" ... it was finally time for my case. The MLCr Lawyer suprised me by coming over, extending a hand and saying it was really nice to finally meet me, we went through our stuff quickly ... judge was very nice ... and after MLC-L asked if I had a minute to chat .... sure why not.

Now knowing who's payroll she is on I was kind but guarded ... however I was impressed with this woman, she has practiced for 30 years and actually seemed very kind. She asked a bit about me, my son, how he and I are handling this whole thing and if I was open to R (even asked if I sent flowers on V-day ... wth??) just so she could get a feel of the sitch given she only had MLCrs side of things. She was a genuine person and mentioned how lawyers 'leave alot of broken glass on the floor after the D is completed... often its the children that suffer the most' .... this actually stuck with me throughout the day. She did do her lawyer type stuff probing for what I was after in the D, and asking things she will soon enough have answers to regarding financials but all in all it was a pleasant meeting.

All things said there is still the negotiations to go through and I need to disclose my financials. I am going to get a consultation as its been awhile and I finally have everything from the MLCr ... though I suspect some behind the scenes dirty pool happening ... just nothing that I think will help her cause much. So we have another court date set for Aug 3, and that should be about it unless something happens between now and then which I do not anticipate. The L did mention that the fact the MLCr and I do not talk it was not a good thing, I can only guess this bothers MLCr as she has mentioned here and there over the last year but that is the result of her actions and a boundary I put forth and have not budged on ... not out of punishment just out of a need for peace in my life.

This may have been a collection of thoughts that make little sense .. I did not sleep much and have had people in and out of the office as I try typing this ... thats it for now I hope you all are well!


M: 48
W: 47
M16 T26-S8
BD Sept13



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Feel for you Cali...we are all here in your corner for you. I will continue to keep you in my prayers. Stay strong my friend.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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Feel for you and totally get that you still hold out hope. I guess your MLCr didn't have to attend, just her L?


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Just got caught up here. You have had a lot on your plate Cali. I imagine this brings so many emotions back to surface again. Although this D process has been dragged out, I hope that helps in having each episode sink in and dealt with.

I know this isn't easy for your S, but I am so grateful he has his calm and grounded father to lean on. Stay strong for him Cali. I know spending family time isn't an option for you, but maybe there could be a different way to let him know he still has his family in a sense, even though his mom and dad are not together. That feeling of security is so important to kids.

I am happy to hear everything else overall is going well. Please keep us updated and you continue to be a great role model for so many of us.

Take care of yourself
M


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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Wow Cali.

How did you answer the lawyer about reconciliation?

I am glad your appointment was pleasant or at least not unpleasant.

Over the last few years I have spent a lot of time on the web looking up knowledge and facts about M/D. Here we see people struggling to save their M and most don't. But some do. The internet is full of other examples of people that do reconcile. 10% of people who divorce remarry again afterwards.

I am just saying that your 10% voice may have the odds stacked against him but that does not mean it won't happen. I believe there is a chance that each M can be saved. I know not all will be, but every one has a possibility of reconciling. That couple just before you who are in counseling prove that too.

You have been at this a long time and I understand that 90% part of you. Actually I am surprised it is not higher. Pleasantly surprised. But you are a hood man so maybe I should not be surprised. Your advice to others here has helped them and many more readers along the way.

I think you are doing great. Only you decide when it is over.

Best wishes


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
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