Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 10 1 2 3 9 10
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,387
F
ForGump Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,387
Will this ever end. I am so tired. I have had enough.
Previous Thread


Originally Posted By: Gordie
I had one of these moments and accidentally dropped my STFU smoothie.

Funny expression, Gordie.

But yes, except for the family being nuked, it's an excellent way to keep the family bond going....

I think if the two people in the marriage worked on it TOGETHER for years I'd have far more sympathy. But one person deciding unilaterally that it's over ...


Me: 50, MLC/WW 45
Young kids
Nov 2015: BD1
Apr 2016: BD2
Jan 2017: W filed
Feb 2017: D final
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
Quote:
I think if the two people in the marriage worked on it TOGETHER for years I'd have far more sympathy. But one person deciding unilaterally that it's over ...


That gets me too, Gump. Just because they think the grass is greener. Mine's favorite thing now is the kids will be fine...yet she's blind as a f****ng bat.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 638
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 638
Sink clogs are firmly in the "she can call (and pay for) a plumber" camp, IMO. Especially if, as I suspect, you'll be paying child support for some time. And especially where, as you've suggested in the past, you were a Mr. Fixit-type during the M. You're going to derive a lot of benefit from not staying stuck in old patterns. And, truthfully, so will she.

Gordie -- my W's favorite phrase in that I-can't-handle-my-guilt zone is "Children are resilient". It's like fingernails on the chalkboard for me. I seriously want to scream whenever she says it. Some children are. Some aren't. Some perfectly great co-parents still manage to parent children who don't do ok w/r/t divorce. And our spouses have no idea how it's going to go, they just can't face it.


Me: 46
W: 44
Married: 17
Together 21
D13; S10
BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you)
Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage
Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 638
J
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 638
Sorry -- meant Jeep, not Gordie. Was reading too many threads in a row.


Me: 46
W: 44
Married: 17
Together 21
D13; S10
BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you)
Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage
Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
Quote:
Some perfectly great co-parents still manage to parent children who don't do ok w/r/t divorce. And our spouses have no idea how it's going to go, they just can't face it.


It never ceases to amaze me as to how many parents who destroy a family fall back on this line.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,605
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,605
Originally Posted By: Jeep74
Quote:
Some perfectly great co-parents still manage to parent children who don't do ok w/r/t divorce. And our spouses have no idea how it's going to go, they just can't face it.


It never ceases to amaze me as to how many parents who destroy a family fall back on this line.


Script! I not only get the kids are resilient and kids will be fine...I get the kids will be happier if their mom is happier...sigh.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,387
F
ForGump Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,387
My STBXW at least feels guilty and understands the sorrow my younger one feels. But I'm not sure exactly how she reconciles that with her decision to nuke the fam. I think she just compartmentalizes.


Me: 50, MLC/WW 45
Young kids
Nov 2015: BD1
Apr 2016: BD2
Jan 2017: W filed
Feb 2017: D final
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,387
F
ForGump Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,387
Originally Posted By: JRuss
Sink clogs are firmly in the "she can call (and pay for) a plumber" camp, IMO.

I think yer prolly right, JR. This is going to be painful, to watch her struggle, and possibly watch her world fall apart. I think things will get really hard for her before they get better. I wish her well and I keep wanting to jump in to help.....


Me: 50, MLC/WW 45
Young kids
Nov 2015: BD1
Apr 2016: BD2
Jan 2017: W filed
Feb 2017: D final
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
D
Member
Offline
Member
D
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
Quote:
I not only get the kids are resilient and kids will be fine...I get the kids will be happier if their mom is happier...sigh


Right there with you, my friend.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 469
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 469
Originally Posted By: Gordie
Script! I not only get the kids are resilient and kids will be fine...I get the kids will be happier if their mom is happier...sigh.

+1 for me hearing these excuses.

I've also heard "People come in and out of your life for different reasons..."

It's all regurgitation of what she's heard from the other divorced or soon-to-be-divorced women in her circle of friends. Meanwhile almost all the research emphasizes that unless the relationship is abusive, the children will ALWAYS be better off in a single family household.

I'm not saying that two people should endure being unhappy just for the kids. But I am saying that two people should look to their kids as inspiration to work on rebuilding happiness in the marriage.


M46 W48
M11 T14
S11 D8
BD: 2016/05/27
In-home separation: 2016/11/23
Nesting: 2017/06/11
W moves out: 2018/01/07
W goes public with OM: 2018/07/12
I ask for a divorce: 2018/12/14
Page 1 of 10 1 2 3 9 10

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard