The affair op, most will eventually regret this decision. In the heat of the moment, appears to make sense. It feels good and sometimes even feels right. Feelings are deceitful. Soon afterward, ther eyes will be opened and they will regret that they ever partook of the forbidden fruit. Don’t we all have enough regrets in our lives? Why add another one – particularly one that can only destroy everything they have worked so hard to build? ther home may not be perfect but it sure beats living in a tent.
I put this info in,cos if your spouse is in mlc,there will be some kind of affair op involved at some point if not all ready,with out your very lucky and it does not happen,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
Cheesyt, I agree with Hawk. It's very possible your W didn't give the gift to your D. I would be hesitant to read into this that your D is against you now.
You say your D has a phone? Have you talked to her on text since you last saw her? You could always send her a text saying "hope you enjoyed the book I sent!" Just a thought. My D is about the same age and she loves it when I send her cute cat memes. Maybe even opening a dialogue with D by sending cute/funny pictures might help.
That's awesome news on the 1/2 marathon. I've thought about doing that but it kills my knees running on pavement. I tend to stick to trail running and the treadmill. We do need to get a tough mudder team together though!
Keep being strong cheesyt. You are doing right by yourself and you should be proud!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
Small update. Yesterday I got an iPhone calendar invite from my W for our D’s parent teacher conference in a couple of weeks. After my head stopped spinning I replied with -thank you for the invite is there anything I should know before I meet you there? W- it was an accident. W- I cancelled the invite W- sorry First of all, that’s bs cus if any of you have an iPhone you’ll know to send a calendar invite it takes a few clicks and stuff to send it to a specific person. I never replied. Nothing to say, can’t say “ok” cus its not ok. I don’t accept her “sorry”. Well I didn’t loose my sh!t. I reminded myself that nothing changes and brushed it off. Second, she never cancelled my invite, you get a notification the other person cancelled it. Not that it matters. Later that night W forwarded me an email from the animal hospital our cat used to go to, it’s a happy birthday email for the cat. I know his birthday is coming up in a couple weeks. Anyway I didn’t reply. Nothing to say. I’m just over this crap. I miss and I would love to have her recommit to our M and work on us. I don’t see that happening.
The more time that passes the happier I am alone. I’m enjoying my late 20s. I signed up for a 10k in a couple weeks, it happens to land on my 10k training day for my half so its perfect. Training for my half is going really well. 2nd week is almost over. Every time I get out there I am reminded of how strong and how far I’ve come. It’s a pretty amazing feeling. Had an “I love this” moment last weekend. RBF was cooking and watching our girls, Roommate and myself had just come back from a run and it was so homey. I was filled with joy. I pointed it out to them and thanked them for their continued love and support. Doing many things as a “family” had a couple of movie nights since one of the girls was sick. Birthday party of one of the little ones. Dinners and breakfast’s as always. On the co worker side, loving my co workers. Hang out with them, a beer here or there. Snowboarding videos and just relaxing.
That's narcissistic abuse, the sending the invite, which could only be taken as the sort of invite back into D's life you've wanted so badly, then, when your respond, telling you it was a mistake, which, as you point out, isn't remotely plausible. I'm so glad you didn't let it get to you. It is so great you're doing so well. Do you see that it's because of all of the great things you're doing for you that her games didn't pull you down to a dark place, like they did?
Unfortunately, you should anticipate more stuff like this. But you're where you need to be to let it just wash over you.
Great job.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
So I have made this same mistake. Twice. When I attempted to add an event from my email to my calendar on my iPhone, it invited everyone in a group. I honestly don't know how it happened. People, even waywards, do make mistakes.
So was that "narcissistic abuse?" I honestly don't even know what that means. Inconsiderate of her? Perhaps. But I don't think it helps you to view it that way, as villainizing the wayward only adds to your own sting. Blaming them for our own hurt also empowers them further hurt us and thus disempowers us. No more of that. Take your power back!
Let her do and say as she will--you can't control her--but you can decide how much you let it affect you moving forward.
Cheesy, I am glad to hear that you like who you are becoming and enjoy time with your chosen family. That is wonderful news. I think this is how detachment starts. It's those first step of focusing on ourselves, on other Rs, and allowing ourselves to put them on the back burner for a bit. And then you can increase the time she sits back, longer and longer .... It will get better in time.
Hugs, Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
I will admit that my first thought was mind games, but Blu makes valid points and I was just projecting from my own experiences. Blu is of course correct, you can't control her, but taking control of how you react makes all the difference.
I echo others' sentiment: I'm glad you have this wonderful family and support system. Keep your head up, stay strong, and continue to love yourself and who you are becoming.
Me: 35 W: 32 MR: 2y T: 3.5y SS11 BD: 11/3/16 EA: 10/26/16 PA: 11/11/16 W asks for S/D & ILYBINILWY 11/13/16 Status: I moved out 11/19/16, GAL I filed for D: 12/14/16 D-day: 3/10/17
Yeah, I just don't find that explanation plausible in this case, at all, especially with all of the game playing this woman has done with her phone in the past and her apparently pressing need to keep putting cheesy through the pursuit/distance wringer. Guess I'm too cynical and will bow out. Sorry to have derailed things.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
JRuss, I’m totally with you. Especially since my W constantly uses her iPhone calendar, I find it very hard to believe she invited me on accident. You’re right, I didn’t get sucked into a downward spiral because of all the great things going on in my life. It’s a great feeling. However I am cautious, is this happiness too good to be true? I don’t see your reply as cynical, more like… we know these women and we unfortunately know what they’re capable of now. I appreciate your feedback!!!!
Blu, thank you for your input. While I do see someone making a mistake, I have very big doubts of my W. Yes, I cannot control her. I won’t let her drag me into these silly and pointless game playing texts. I can see your point in this is how detachment starts. It’s a great feeling. Especially because from what you said, and what Jruss pointed out, that I wasn’t sucked into a downward spiral because of all the great things going on in my life and my support system. Which you are all included in of course!
Fighting, thank you for dropping by, I’m going to gander at your thread. And thank you for the words of encouragement!
Quick update, no word from the WW. I think we last texted briefly on Thursday, W needed my school tax forms and told me to get it from my Had a great weekend, though the wrong team won the Super Bowl I had a good time. I continue to push forward and its a great feeling. I feel happy, genuinely happy. My confidence, my school, my running, my support system, everything in my life is where it needs to be. Still the same question rattles my brain. WHY do I still miss my W like crazy? Why do I still want her back? Will more time be the cure to this?
It just dawned on me that I have not seen my wife since Nov 12… Crazy. it’s been 3 months yesterday. We haven’t had a solid conversation other than “business” and her telling me I cannot see my D. I haven’t seen my D since Nov 05 at her soccer game. I am Fbook friends with a few of my D’s neighborhood friends. There’s 3 other girls age 11/12 (My D is the youngest at 10) And a few boys, they all live within 3 blocks of our home. They always hung out together. We (my w and I) drove them to places, the reason I was so into this was because My mother drove my friends and I everywhere. It helps to know the kids your child is around & I don’t trust anyone else to get my D from point A to point B. I really enjoyed it, a bunch of 11 year olds are a riot. At any rate, one of the girls went “live” on Facebook. I clicked to watch, hoping to catch my D there, the friend said “hi cheesyt” I waited till realized D was not there and I clicked out. Was hoping to see my D. but then after I thought if my W caught wind of this she would surely call me out and find a reason why this isn’t ok and would ultimately create issues. I was pretty certain W would reach out today, just feels as though she never quite makes it 2 weeks without reaching out for some reason. Two weeks is thursday. I was wrong.
At the same time, I’m getting more and more used to the thought of Filing for D. I have told myself that I will file at the year. The year is quickly approaching. I have filled out a couple of the pages. I have everything I need. I am mentally preparing. And emotionally. I feel ok with this decision, but I know this can change at the drop of a hat.
Cheesyt, this is awesome! You have so many people around you who love you that this should absolutely be where you are. You're an amazing person and this loving life is what you deserve!
I am sorry you've not been able to see your D though. I know that has to be especially tough. I'm not sure how to approach that aspect of this without approaching your W. what if you were to send her another package or even a text just saying hello? Just a thought.
Proud of you cheesyt. You are on a good path!
Me39 M11 : T13 D9 BD 5/31/16 In House S until 6/21/17 Divorced 10/5/18
