There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
FG -- I am sorry. Ours took it very badly when they first found out, but they are improving as they see that Mom and Dad aren't (overtly) furious with each other, and each of us has lots of one-on-ones with them to check in, reassure and just let them know that it's not their fault, and they are loved. Yours will, too. Kids can thrive with even just one really engaged, present divorced parent. Hopefully they'll have two, but you can completely control what you do, and they will have that bedrock support that's going to get them through this.
I hope your W was able to participate in the conversation?
Re regret at marrying her, I frequently find myself in that same place, then remember the kids are half her, and I think I'm glad we were married because I wouldn't have them had we not. I just wish we'd had similar views on what love is, what commitment is, etc.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
I'm so sorry for you. I definitely wish I could take you out for a beer! And like others said, don't burn everything in your current state of mind. If not for yourself, keep it for the kids.
Did you stick to the script you outlined--that this was a joint decision? What did your W wind up saying? Did your kids just listen or did they ask questions? I'm really dreading my upcoming conversation and still don't know what we are going to say.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Re regret at marrying her, I frequently find myself in that same place, then remember the kids are half her, and I think I'm glad we were married because I wouldn't have them had we not. I just wish we'd had similar views on what love is, what commitment is, etc.
Right there with you. I can't regret marrying mine because I have my two awesome kids. However, had we not had kids then this whole divorce thing would have turned out differently and so would have my actions.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Feeling numb this morning. Head feels stuffed with cotton, despite 2 cups of strong coffee. The desire for all of this just to end persists. I have had enough.
One step at a time, of course. Trying now to focus on getting my new home set up.
Despite wanting to just die, despite tears just wanting to pour out of my face, I just held them and kept telling them it's going to be OK.
Gordie, I stuck more or less to my script. I did not place any blame on my wife. We first talked to our older one separately, and I teared up too much. Then we brought in our younger one, and I did better. The older one did not have many questions and show a lot of emotions. The younger one cried on and off, and had a lot of questions about why and how and what's going to happen. He somehow got the impression that he would be losing time/access with me and I think that made him the saddest. He also was hit by the reality of having his parents break up -- he saw us as a unit. Both of which are all good perceptions, of course. No matter what I do, he will see me less, and he is right that we're breaking up. I don't know if I could/should have handled the talk very differently. Maybe I should have laid out a firmer plan for us spending time with each other. But to be honest I don't know how much I can do that, especially if my wife has a new man in her life. I did try to end on a positive note by talking about the new home and setting it up together. I think it helped a little. But my kids' world, as they know it, is over and that is hugely unsettling for them.
My W basically asked me to do the talking. Chickenshit. But I did it because I wanted to take charge.
Earlier in the weekend, my W, D and I were talking about dating (my D is starting to date boys), and my W said all the men she dated before me were a$$holes and I'm the only decent man she's ever had a relationship with.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
Sorry, my friend. It's not easy. Here for you, brother.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
I'm the only decent man she's ever had a relationship with.
Edit: ForGump is an A W E S O M E man! It sounds like you handled that talk with the kids really well. I hope that I can do as well as you.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
W asked me for help getting her finances set up. Switch/start utilities, set up banking for autopay, etc. I think I will help -- but refrain from being too eager or proactive -- as long as she's not w/ someone new.
Maybe I'm being too much of a fixer/co-dependent....
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
It's in your children's best interest that their mother not wreck her credit by missing bills, getting the lights or water turned off, etc., so I don't think that's being too "fix it". Coming every Saturday to mow the lawn? Too much.
Me: 46 W: 44 Married: 17 Together 21 D13; S10 BD: 03.03.15 (Not attracted to you) Almost 2 years trying, alone, to save marriage Status now: Divorced (effective 06.13.17)
