Figuring it out - WAW with Affair

[Dawgs]

What does everyone do when you really just want to talk to the walkaway wife?

Ive been good the past days, but suddenly i just want to talk and have her explain what shes feeling and if she's still wanting to throw away our marriage and family.

Nothing. There is no talking to them about that, as it would be seen as pushing in their mind, which it really is I guess. Saying that they are throwing away the family will put her even more on the defensive.

It's hard to bite your tongue and sit back while this is happening. But, its the only thing you can do. Just be the best you can, for you and no body else. She will either realize what she has done and come back, or realize it and move on thinking its too late, or just not care. It's her road and she has to travel it. Just don't fall into the trap of trying to back her into a corner by that talk.

[KevinIn]

Thanks jeep. The hard part is putting it out of my mind. Kept me awake all night.

[Dawgs]

Thanks jeep. The hard part is putting it out of my mind. Kept me awake all night.

When you figure that out, let me know. I have every part of my ceiling mapped and remembered.

[KevinIn]

[quote=KevinIn]When you figure that out, let me know. I have every part of my ceiling mapped and remembered.

I'm not one for meditation, etc., but i've really gotten into the Headspace App which you can download on iPhone/Android. It definitely helps during the day to clear my head (i just have to find a private place at work to zone out for 15 minutes).

[Dawgs]

I'll usually end up playing games on my phone or read or whatever, but even then that doesn't work. It's when I decompress from the day's activities that her ghost usually appears (unless it gets a kick start during the day). Nighttime is always the worst.

[KevinIn]

Was at home yesterday when WAW got home for a few days with the kids. Her wall was instantly up. For no reason. Would hardly acknowledge me.

I was hoping that after a full month break and some good LRT activities by me thatbshe would have at least been nice to me, but nope. Oh well. Maybe next time.

[Dawgs]

I was hoping that after a full month break and some good LRT activities by me thatbshe would have at least been nice to me, but nope. Oh well. Maybe next time.

That's difficult, brother. Mine would be nice like always, which would sometimes send conflicting messages. Oh well. One day at a time, my friend.

[Bdog37]

Sorry to hear and there will be many setbacks. Don't loose your focus and continue just working on yourself. Try not to worry about her reactions towards you because you will never be able to control them. If there are no expectations then you will never be disappointed.

I personally would like to think that they are hurting as well and their actions towards us is a reflection of how they feel.

Hang in there my friend.

[KevinIn]

So its valentines day. I told her i was stopping by before work to day hi to the kids. Her wall was up once again.

I gave the kids valentines cards and gifts, and gave her a card that sigmply daid "happy Valentine's day". She didn't open it, and just put it on the counter. Im not sure if she even said thanks. Shes never been a "b!tchy" type of woman, but this was definitely like that.

After i left, i went back in the house to say she looked nice today (which she did) and she said thanks.

I then left.

I've stuck to the LRT and it seems to be pushing her away more and making her seem antey with me in all our interactions (even when im nice and not pushy).

I feel that im doing a great job at following thr Duvorce Busting principals (including Sandi's rules).

This is so frustrating. I'm feeling a combination of sadness, anger, hopelessness, and confusion all at once.

[doodler]

I feel that im doing a great job at following thr Duvorce Busting principals (including Sandi's rules).

KevinIn,

Yeah, I hear what you're saying, but you're still in pursuit mode. It's tough to detach.