Figuring it out - WAW with Affair

[KevinIn]

A big bomb hit today - she wants a formal separation to begin the divorce process.

I kinda expected it, but she did it with such harshness and conviction that it really hurt.

Now begins 12 months of separation before a divorce can be filed (state law). We will need to divide assets, etc. And shes going to find an apartment.

I handled the conversation pretty well and followed all the DBing rules, etc. But it didnt matter - she knew what she wanted to do and nothing was going to stop her.

She is really dedicated to destroying my life.

[james17]

KevinIn, so sorry to hear that. My heart goes out to you. Was there an event leading to this or just a build up of a lot of things? Happy to hear you were able to hold to the DB rules under such intense circumstances.

[KevinIn]

KevinIn, so sorry to hear that. My heart goes out to you. Was there an event leading to this or just a build up of a lot of things?

This was a 1 month check-in after a "controlled break" that she wanted to think through stuff. She clearly used it to plan her way out.

[KevinIn]

I believe in marriage and fundamentally want to do everything to make it work, but yesterday wife said its over, nothing will change that, she wants full separation, and she does not believe in marriage. She wants what will make her happy (she feels she will be a better mother without me in the picture).

I need to completely detach, and truly forgive and move on. I know the resentment and other negative feelings that have kept me up all night are bad.

Oh, and tomorrow is my daughter's birthday party so i have to see wife and her parents. It will be hard.

[KevinIn]

When does this all get easier?

[sandi2]

When you let her go.

[KevinIn]

When you let her go.

True. Whens it get easier to let her go?

[Gordie]

Im sorry to hear about the new BD, even when you expect it, it still hurts.

When she says she doesn't believe in M anymore, what does that mean?

You say she is set on destroying your life. Is that the case or is she trying to save her own and you are just collateral damage?

I can't tell you when it will get easier. I'm in the same boat. I'm trying to follow the detach and let go advice...

[KevinIn]

Shes doing whatever makes herself happy, and doesnt care who gets hurt along the way including me and the kids.
She "justs wants to be happy and this is what i want to do to make myself happy."
On the other hand, im willing to move mountains to make her happy, but she doesnt mthink it will matter - we just arent meant to be anymore.

[KevinIn]

I recently saw references the 10 Commandments (Exodus 20) as responses to what some of our spouses are doing...

Spouse: "I am my own boss. So, i'll do whatever I want to do whenever I feel like it"

Commandment: I am the Lord your God who brought you out of bondage. You shall have no other gods but me.

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Spouse: "I have decided who and what is important to me. I will pay attention only to those people and things."

Commandment: You shall not make for yourself any idol.

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Spouse: "Don't worry about your husband/family. Think only about yourself and what you want."

Commandment: You shall not commit adultry

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