4.) is peaking in absolutes normal? What kind of mindset does that mean she is in?
At first glance, I'd say she is wayward and is being influenced by outside supporters. It is "normal" for a wayward wife to use absolutes, but then again......don't most women? I am saying not to get hung up on what she is saying. Good or bad, don't try to put certain meanings to what she says. Instead, watch her actions.
Yes, I recommend you use the LRT.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Ok...need some advice. Wife is coming to stay at my parents this weekend to attend my dads funeral. She is bringing our daughter as well. How should I handle? Keep my distance and show her I can make it without her or give her attention? Any advice will help.
Ok...need some advice. Wife is coming to stay at my parents this weekend to attend my dads funeral. She is bringing our daughter as well. How should I handle? Keep my distance and show her I can make it without her or give her attention? Any advice will help.
Hello jkr2023,
First, please accept my sincere condolences for the death of your dad.
Also, I'm so sorry for the situation you are in with your wife.
Do not have any relationship talks with your wife, don't bring it up at all. Focus on your family while honoring your dad's memory. Be friendly in a neighborly way with your wife. This weekend isn't about her.
It sounds like your changes have been noticed, just difficult to believe at this point. These changes need to be made for you and your kids. They need to be long lasting and sincere. Prove that to yourself and anyone else through your actions, not your words.
You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
This post with all these links is exactly what i've been looking for - thank you!
I just finished Divorce Remedy and have had 2 coaching sessions, in addition to all the other stuff i've been trying to do to save my marriage. I do feel the Last Resort Technique is sadly what i need to do.
M:39 W:36 - D1:2 D2:6 11/19/16 BD1: ILYBNILWY, EA/PA Dec/Jan: MC, pursuing, not DBing 1/11/17 BD2: W wants 1 month break 2/1/17: Divorce Remedy. Start DBing 2/17/17 BD3: W - separation to start D process
This post with all these links is exactly what i've been looking for - thank you!
I just finished Divorce Remedy and have had 2 coaching sessions, in addition to all the other stuff i've been trying to do to save my marriage. I do feel the Last Resort Technique is sadly what i need to do.
When you get a chance I might suggest you start your own thread.
How to start a thread
I will use what Job wrote
First Click on Newcomers then:
Originally Posted By: job
Go to the top of the screen and there is a new topic box on the left hand side. Click on it and then you will open the window to create a new subject as well as a posting. It's the same way that you created this thread.
Ok, so we had my dads funeral today. WW came with kids. She was somewhat pleasant. She approached me with convo saying I don't need an attorney bc she isn't trying to take anything from me in the divorce. I politely said, can we please give it some time so you can see my changes. She says' have my mind made up and I can't trust you'. Well I know how to fix this one, do what I say I'm gonna do. And right before they left to go back home (2hrs away) she wanted to talk again. She said you haven't changed, your kids were upset and you didn't even console them. Well, I did, but I also had my mom to be there for. As the conversation progressed I said 'we have 9 yrs in this and we both still love each other' and she didn't deny. I said I'm in it for the long haul and am willing to put in the work to repair things, she says 'it takes 2, and I'm not willing to put forth the work any more'. I say' I just want you happy' and her response was 'why won't you just let me go then'. What should I do at this point???
I'm not a vet nor a success story yet nor a WW but when my w asked me to let her go. I told her yes, I'm letting you go. The truth is you can't control her and if she feels trapped she can't freely love. It has to be voluntary. Again, it may have been the wrong thing to say but I did say something along the lines of: I'm letting you go. I'm letting go of the M. I don't want you to feel trapped.
Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids 2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong 2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2 2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
JKR - perhaps you did not write down all your feelings, but your father passed away (for which I am truly sorry, I can imagine that was extra painful among your R stuff). May I suggest you bereave that one first. You said she still loves you, ask her to chill on the D stuff for a couple weeks while you process your father. She should give you that if she still loves you.Let her go, not the children, make the changes for you.
You mentioned her not trusting you, bankruptcy, get your sh1t together, and something about beers on the weekend. Do you have a drinking problem? Do you have a spending problem? Have you cheated in the past? What is it about you that she no longer trusts or won't allow herself to trust? I don't think you have said that.
Ex. Me, my lady said she did not trust me a year ago when we split. Why - I was addicted to oxy. So her not trusting me was not really a surprise to me. Now, we are still not together, but she has verbalized her faith of trust back to me.How, my actions dude. Sustained and consistent behavior which betters YOU. That is the key to your own self. Others will notice - her the kids your mom.
So I would bet you told her you would stop doing something in the past or do it less and you told her more than once and didn't deliver...was it drinking, spending, ignoring?
So what is her trust issue
"There is no more important fight than the one for ourselves. Keep on winning." Ginger1, Read her newbies. BD: Feb '16 D: Mar '17 Piecing: Putting the self back together was my piecing. S6
I received the proposed divorce settlement in the mail yesterday. Spoke to STBXW and she wants me to sign quickly if I agree. I kind of panic because it seems more real than ever that this might be the end. I call her later in the evening and we talk for an hour. I explain I do care for her and say the things I have wanted to say since she left. Her response to most things was the same. 'When you have something good, you take care of it', 'you never helped with the kids', 'I am 10 times happier now' 'you always put work first' (she didn't work the last year), 'you were never nice to me', 'I tried everything I could to fix this', 'I tried to go to counseling for years' (yet she never made an appt.) 'the kids are fine without you, they are used to you being gone a lot' . And many more. When I finished spilling my heart to her she said'i just don't believe you'. 'why won't you just let me go' She was so happy 90% of the time we were married, always smiling and laughing. We spent lots of time together, even tho she doesn't think so. She has re-wrote our whole marriage to be completely negative, and I just don't understand. I only have a few days left before D is final. Any suggestions? Why is she acting this way....possible OM? Is there any hope of saving it?
