I have found that finding logic is hard work. It means sitting with and controlling my knee jerk emotional reactions. Recognizing my black and white thinking. Talking back to my ASSumptions before they stir up my emotions and get me into trouble.
I feel I have made some small progress. It has been a long time coming, but I guess 40 years of habits and dealing with lots of stress for me has been slow going and a long journey ahead of me. But I like the results when I see them.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I am still getting lots out of these posts and want to keep them current for me to find them easier!
Pam - maybe it's time to start dreaming a whole new life for yourself?
I know this may sound terrible, but - what would you do if your H was dead? How would you go about creating a new life for yourself? What adventures would you go on? Where would you move to? What countries would you visit?
I know your H has laid a lot of the blame at your doorstep for the failure of your R. I really don't hear him acknowledging how his affair was wrong, or how his ambivalent behavior towards you would be enough to drive anyone crazy. Yes, you have issues to work on - mood swings and dependency issues - but I am telling you right now, YOU DESERVE BETTER. And the sooner you get out into the world and make a new life for yourself, the sooner you will realize that too.
Take your money, start researching parts of the country that have low housing-costs to wage ratios, find one that you like, and MOVE. Get a new job, start a business, find a roommate. Buy an apartment in Florida or a house in Phoenix. Live!
You don't have to live this drama any longer.
Okay, don't know quite what got into me today - but I just can't stand to see you waiting around on him any longer.
Ellie
1. You creating a plan for YOUR life -- figuring out your dream, etc. She suggested that one way to approach this was thinking "what would I do if CHL were um, dead". You may recall that I suggested this exact exercise about 6 months ago in an email to you. WHY? Because it unburdens your dreaming from the emotion of "he left me".
I still feel that YOU constructing a plan for YOUR life is a good thing.
2. Dropping the rope re. CHL.
This is fundamental DB'ing Pam and you know that. I feel that you still get caught up in reacting to your perceptions of what you THINK CHL is thinking, feeling, etc. Ceasing to base your reactions on CHL and your interpretation of him is a GOOD thing.
Sage
Yes, I admit it, I'm an optimist. I see a lot of hope for you and CHL even though it's so close to the D. You are making great strides and changes and he's responding to it. What was his "ulterior motive" for offering to pick up the prescription? What if it's because he's showing his love for you in a baby step because you've been understanding him lately.... don't underestimate the power of that! Maybe he's just a nice guy (which I think he is)! Maybe it's a combination of those things...
I WANT EVERYONE HERE TO START FOCUSING ON THE POSITIVES because I think we're really starting to get caught up in some negative things and that just causes all of us to spiral downward.
Pam, I like how you used to list the positives in your thread - 3 positives a day. Start doing that again? Let's make it more specific though and make it 3 positives about your communication with CHL. If you don't have any communication with CHL that day, go ahead and list other things.
--------------------
-Calystra
Pam,
what you know now is what you knew before but you are learning that you can't be run by your emotions.
In glancing over my old threads I see that I was very much led by my emotions...even justified my emotions. Thing I realize now is that though our emotions may be justified, using them as justification for our actions is not.
LL
Something KML said here once really stuck with me. It was something about how feelings are important and valid, but feelings are often temporary, mutable things and NOT always based on reality.
I think for many of us, making assumptions has been a big problem. So if we make assumptions (faulty ones) and have feelings due to those assumptions, we are poisoning our inner world. If we act on those feelings, we are often poisoning our R's. This is real basic stuff, but for me it took a lot of work to change those mental "bad habits", and probably will take upkeep for life!
Talitsa
I finally decided that despite what everyone else thought I was going to make up my own mind. Didn't matter that my h couldn't stand me, avoided me, etc....I was going to stay m. I was going to keep db'ing, changing the things my h hated about me, give myself credit for who I am, feel comfortable with the changes I was making for me and if I messed up in front of h, well I apologized and moved on to keep changing.
Just think if one of you was totally solid about what they wanted...wouldn't the other feed off your stability? Wouldn't the other floundering fish find purchase in your stance? Repeatedly in my sitch it looked hopeless but I held on to my belief that the m was IT. I let h flounder...I stood firm.
Make up your mind to m or d, forget the deadline, and stand firm! Don't read into his actions, don't voice your assumptions to him, don't second guess him or yourself (like when you kept asking if he was ok with picking up your stuff...ask once and let go also with you apologizing repeatedly...don't say it once and let go), if he half-heartedly hugs you well don't read into that either but be grateful he has concern for you.
I think you dwell too much on what he's thinking...how can you know? Why waste energy trying to figure it out? And if you think you know, half the time you are wrong so why bother? Start right now cutting behavior that is causing you turmoil...when you feel yourself start say STOP then think something else...fight hard! I'm saying this too because time and time again I've had to do this and it has worked for me, and my h.
You don't have to grovel to him by repeatedly apologizing...does D do that? Treat him courtesly but also respect yourself.
I know lots of advice is coming at you but remember as long as you can't decide what to do you'll be tossed back and forth like a wave in the ocean. Decide then let no one sway you!
Let your actions show what you have decided. To me you act as though you want to stay married so then do it. If thinking about the d is causing you turmoil then don't act like the d is an option. Do what you believe!!!! Last minute miracles are God's speciality!!!! You can doubt your power to change this but you can't doubt His! He ordained m and though d has free will...not many can fight God and win!
Cindy
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: I would like to drop the rope on the settlement, I also don't want to end up settling it in court. But I think if I pick a date that if I haven't heard anything back by I will contact him, I will drop it till that time. I don't want to be unreasonable, I also don't want to not have any input in the split. Maybe a week before the court date I'm thinking if he hasn't gotten back with me about contacting him. Any thoughts on that time frame?
I have ended up talking with him for a few minutes. I think I did well at not overreacting. We discussed the taxes. He said he has been waiting on me to do them, I said I had been waiting on him. So I started to stress but then said I guess I misunderstood him.
I am to let him know if I find everything tonight and e-mail him and he will make time to look at his stuff because he has some funky deal this year and I want him to look at it before I do anything with it.
But I took Honey's suggestion and sent message that when he had a few minutes needed to ask him something. He sent message back would be couple hours would that be ok? I said no problem.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: But I took Honey's suggestion and sent message that when he had a few minutes needed to ask him something. He sent message back would be couple hours would that be ok? I said no problem.
I don't remember for sure but as Ceb was going to the A to file for D wasn't he also talking with you more and going out or not? Was the first time you guys went out right before V-day?
Sort of trying to look at CHL's actions and he really has almost stopped coming to the house and he never contacts me about anything.
He will probably come this weekend so we can get the taxes done. But after that I'm not sure he will be over at all.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
You're so strong and such an inspiration. Just wanted to let you know we're behind you. You have been through so much, it's great you still have the energy to make changes.
Quote: I don't remember for sure but as Ceb was going to the A to file for D wasn't he also talking with you more and going out or not? Was the first time you guys went out right before V-day?
Yeah but we'd had little to no contact up to that point - no IM, very very few emails and phone conversations. He came to the house once and even then because I practically forced him to. So I don't think you can judge CHL's actions by Ceb's.
Quote: You're so strong and such an inspiration. Just wanted to let you know we're behind you. You have been through so much, it's great you still have the energy to make changes.
I think you have me mixed up with someone else but for today I'll take it!! Thank you.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: Yeah but we'd had little to no contact up to that point - no IM, very very few emails and phone conversations. He came to the house once and even then because I practically forced him to. So I don't think you can judge CHL's actions by Ceb's.
No, I know different person, different way of handling things. I was just wondering if there is still any doubt in his mind at all that he is doing the right thing.
I do know he wasn't going to continue the last court date and it would appear he has told my ex friend D that the d is now going through. So I'm guessing no doubts but was just wondering as we have shared some joking on IM over the past couple of days. We still seem to be able to have some good, fun interaction.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Nah, it's you. You go back and forth and have your doubts and your downfalls and backslides. But you are here, and you are still going despite all the garbage you've been through. That's strength, dear.
Quote: Nah, it's you. You go back and forth and have your doubts and your downfalls and backslides. But you are here, and you are still going despite all the garbage you've been through. That's strength, dear.
Well, I would say that pretty accurately describes me!
I just want the downfalls and backslides to come much less often!
BTW: Love your PMA and glad you are posting all the positives!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Got the kids yard cleaned! It was a nice evening outside.
Load of laundry done
Found the tax papers and e-mailed CHL, of course I didn't hear anything back from him. If something doesn't happen this weekend I think I will put his tax papers on his desk and file mine separately!
Didn't do kids teeth
Went to pet store to try to find something Jonah would eat. He didn't like anything I bought.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I don't suppose it is a good thought but I am finding as I start thinking of crap and start to get myself stirred up I remind myself of two things. That isn't going to accomplish anything other than upset me and cause my emotions to possibly spill over and that CHL is like Jonah I can't do anything about him, he is not under my control, not my responsibility to fix, nor am I able to do any of that in actuality!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I do think that being on the medication is doing you a world of good... however... in a lot of ways it's like putting a bandaid on things and waiting for them to go away.
Hi Cal,
Doing more thinking today. So if I have put a bandaid on it, it heals faster under a bandaid than if you do nothing, right?
While you may have a chemical imbalance and medication "cures" that, you've still got some serious underlying issues that your physician can do nothing about. I think we've said this before - your medication will balance you out but you can still feel depressed or happy. The reasons for your depression, negative thoughts, etc can't be fixed by medication or your physician. That is what counselors are for and you should be seeing one.
I know I gave you my pat answer on the C I saw not helping and I do think possibly if I saw the right C they could help me progress faster than I will on my own.
I also believe I have to be willing and ready to do the work and I feel I am there now. All along I have been able to see changes in me, even though CHL hasn't necessarily. But I have never consistently been able to really realize when I'm having ASSuming thoughts and stop myself, knowing they will only hurt me and possibly spray out onto CHL.
I have done that several times here in the past few days. I believe it is getting a bit easier to catch them and stop them. I'm sure the really strong ones are going to still be very difficult but absolutely I can tell I'm getting better.
You know I used to think I had serious problems, that something was bad wrong with me. But having seen and read that a lot of my actions are actions that others here on the bb have done and are working on changing. I actually no longer feel I have serious mental problems. I think I probably do have a chemical imbalance and I also think I never learned emotional control.
My thoughts on that are my grandmother had the chemical imbalance, my mom possibly does, either way my mom always lets all of her moods out very strongly, so that was what I believe I patterned myself after. I think what I really have to focus on now is seeing and realizing the thinking I do really affects my moods and that my thinking is very much based on my emotions.
You've seen this pattern or cycle over and over in your life and I think that is indication enough that there is something else going on inside YOU that needs to be addressed. I think counseling would do you so much good in addition to the medication.
I hope my response here doesn't look like a yes, but, answer, I have really given it a lot of thought as I have been working on catching and changing my thinking patterns.
I am not sure why I couldn't do it before. Maybe I did need for the medication to get to this level to enable me to control the emotions better. Maybe I had to face that my marriage was over or a combination of the two. I'm not sure of that, but I do know that I am controlling the emotional thinking much more now than I was before.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Pam, I'm so sorry to hear about your dear Jonah. I lost my treasured canine friend last night too. Sending you warm thoughts for pleasant memories that will comfort you. WT
I think that when animals get to that point, they just lie down & go to sleep. I bet he didn't suffer. I'm glad you got this last week with him & that it happened naturally so you didn't have to make the decision. I have done it before & it is difficult even when you know it is for the best.
Sounds like are a great mom to your dogs & I'm sure you gave Jonah a wonderful life.
Oh Pam,as a total dog lover I feel your pain,I am sending you something special. I lost a bitch in whelptwo years ago,and I still break down thinking about her,and along with that because my ex said I killed her once,such a mean person sometimes. OTO
Pam - I am sorry to hear about Jonah but he was lucky to have you to care for him during his illness. I know you did the best you could to make him as confortable as possible.
I am so sorry about Jonah. I know that you will miss him but he is with you in spirit and in your memories.
I suspect that he waited until you had left so that he could spare you that part of his death. YOu took care of him so well, that this was his way of taking care of you too.
I am glad that he passed on his own and you didn't have to put him down.
(We had to put our black lab down almost 2 years ago. I bought him for my H when he was 6 weeks old and he was almost 12 years old when he had to be put down. I don't think my H has recovered from that yet, and it may have compounded his situation.)
You were a great mom to him Pam and will continue to be to the rest of the kids. Give them extra hugs for me okay?
Have a peaceful Easter weekend. I'll keep you in my prayers.
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
Thank you all so much for stopping by and offering sympathy and understanding.
Sorry you know me, my brain thinks of strange things sometimes. J and I talked about our funerals one time and we didn't know if anyone would come. We made each other a promise that whichever one of us went first that no matter what the other one would be there for them.
Well, all of you coming by seems you came to Jonah's service to offer your sympathy, caring and friendship to me. Thank you very, very much.
CHL had called me during the day to respond to message I left on his work phone checking if he got the e-mail on stuff I'm missing for the taxes.
Then he called back about 30 minutes before I left work and he had found the stuff and indicated he would probably bring it over last night sometime.
When I found Jonah I called his cell phone and he answered. I was so glad. I told him that later. He was very shocked and sympathetic. I sat on phone and cried a bit. He then said I'll probably be over in a bit. That wasn't real definite and I wasn't sure he sounded like he wanted to come over.
I cleaned the kids yard again and put them in it. Then got my shovels and plastic. I had been working about an hour when CHL showed up. He had boots and a change of clothes with him so I know he was planning to help me. I really wasn't sure that he would.
I brought him in to see Jones. Then we finished up the grave together. He asked is this a good spot and looked towards the spot between Heather and Sean, then at the yard and said oh. That spot is saved for Breeze, that is if we are still here when that day comes.
He was joking about keeling over and I told him I couldn't dig the grave big enough for him so he better not! I shared with him that ever since I found Jonah, (another strange thought), a song that we always sang at church this time of year kept going through my head. I guess because it was Good Friday, but I kept having the verse He Arose, He Arose going through my head.
CHL said well if he does you better sell the place! I said why? He said well it would be haunted. I asked if didn't he always want to live in a haunted house. He said no. That sort of sounds like he was talking about the place as just mine. Like he is disassociating from it. I know an ASSumption and I didn't dwell on it.
He asked if I was ready to bring him out and I said yes, are you going to help me? He said yes. We walked over to his car and he took his boots off, then got in his trunk and pulled out a new fleece blanket and said will this work? I started crying and thanked him for being so thoughtful. He said I didn't know if you had a blanket or not. I didn't. I said I just couldn't go to the store and buy one.
I kept saying I hope he didn't suffer and CHL kept saying he didn't think he did. Not that either one of us knows or will know. But his mouth was open and I said I figured he was gasping for air. CHL said you are going to think I'm strange but when I looked at him I thought he was laughing! You know that goofy look he always got on his face when he was happy or in trouble and didn't realize it. Jonah was always a very happy go lucky guy. That isn't what I think, but it definitely gives me a better picture to hang onto.
I asked if he could cover him after we put him in the grave and he said I know get your A$$ out of here. I said I can help after you get him covered. I went back out and he was almost finished. He said as he didn't know what I had done on the sod I got to put the jigsaw puzzle back together.
He took the tools back to the barn while I was relaying the sod. Then we sprayed them off and the plastic. He kept spraying the water hose right close to where I was spreading the plastic out for him to spray.
He came in and we just talked, he talked about work and that he HAS to have the new system ready to go next weekend. He seems worried. Talked about how busy he is going to be at work this coming week and probably the one after it as well. This worries me because of no time to work on the settlement, but I didn't say anything.
Asked if he wanted pizza, we both decided weren't too hungry. I fed the kids and he had a peanut butter sandwich and some crackers. Talked about work some more, he shared quit a bit in a way. Maybe it is a safe feeling topic? I let him lead the convo so whatever topic he brought up I went with.
He said a few times I ought to be at work now. He finally said I really have to go are you all right? He said don't beat yourself up. I said I'm not. I tried, I didn't realize he was that far gone. I wouldn't have wanted him to have to live a long time with the difficulty breathing. I just wanted the time he had left to be good time. He said I know and you take good care of the kids.
He brought Turbo Tax over but didn't feel like installing it. Didn't bring his papers but wrote down the amounts. He is possibly coming back this weekend to install Turbo Tax. It is difficult to get on my system because drive C is full and it wants to use drive C for part of the installation process, at least last year it did.
I got a really nice hug or two and I saw moist eyes a time or two I'm sure, so this did bother him some.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Thank you both. I'm not beating myself up over this one. I am trying to make it a point to be a bit more observant of the other dogs and I'm major into teeth cleaning now. Not that the teeth not being clean caused the malignacy I just know that it can cause problems and I have never been too good at scaling or brushing.
Got home from the grocery and there was a big spring bouquet sitting at the front door. I guess they delivered it yesterday while I was sleeping.
No card but it is for losing Jonah. CHL always sent J flowers when she lost a dog. I know he meant it to be nice, but it just slams home that in 2 weeks he won't be a part of my life anymore.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Cleaning!! After being gone for a week, this place needs it. The kids are out with gfs families til later this afternoon. Then I guess, I'll be cooking!
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
My condolances on the loss of Jonah, but I think it happened in the best way possible. And the interactions with CHL that night sound really good.
You are stronger than you knew, right?
And as for the teeth brushing...we TRIED to do our cat's teeth, the vet highly suggests it...but they HATE it, and I hate it and it never gets done. They are three happy kitties though! (Even if our oldest girl is going a tad senile and yowling whenever she finds herself alone in a room)
Take good care of Pam this weekend...surely you can work in something more fun/relaxing than the taxes????
My condolances on the loss of Jonah, but I think it happened in the best way possible. And the interactions with CHL that night sound really good.
As long as he didn't suffer or I couldn't have got him somewhere quick enough to prevent his suffering I much prefer this to having to make a decision of when it was time to put him to sleep. I thought CHL and I had a pretty good evening. I really appreciated him and I hope I made that very clear to him. I thanked him for the thoughtfulness of the blanket and then later for all of his help.
You are stronger than you knew, right?
You got that right! I am still waiting on the total mental collapse to happen.
And as for the teeth brushing...we TRIED to do our cat's teeth, the vet highly suggests it...but they HATE it, and I hate it and it never gets done. They are three happy kitties though! (Even if our oldest girl is going a tad senile and yowling whenever she finds herself alone in a room)
I can't imagine brushing a cat's teeth! You gave me a laugh. How about the wipes they have out now that you just wipe their teeth with, might be something you could do. I have too much plaque built up right now and may eventually have a dental done on all but Breeze. Going to work on it myself first and see where I can get them too though. I don't like giving them the anesthetic for the dental and it is expensive!
Take good care of Pam this weekend...surely you can work in something more fun/relaxing than the taxes????
Does the kids and I turning the fireplace on and napping together in the family room count?
Shiny
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
These darn taxes are becoming a major problem. CHL brought tax software over Friday but didn't feel like installing it after we dug the grave and buried Jonah.
He wrote down amounts off of his 1099's from memory as he had forgotten to bring the paperwork.
He didn't make it back over the weekend and I got an e-mail this morning saying he didn't know if I wanted the tax software installed or not. That could go either way as I can do our taxes at my friends. But I'm not willing to do the taxes without seeing the papers. I don't know how to tell him that without offending him. Any thoughts for me here?
Is he doing some ASSuming or just so stressed over work he isn't hearing me? I swear I never once indicated I didn't want the tax software on. We discussed it being hard to load last year, his being tired and needing to get to work and that he would try to get back over this weekend to install it. Then he says he wasn't sure I wanted it installed?????
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
How would this be to post? That way less chance we have a misunderstanding.
Hi CHL,
My understanding of the plan on taxes when you left Friday night was, you were planning to try to make it back over this weekend to bring the 1099's and to install the software.
If you don't have time to install the software I understand. It is nice having it on the computer so if we need a back tax return for anything we can print it off. But not a problem to do at C's.
If you could just run 1099's over and check your paperwork I will try to get the taxes done so we don't need to file an extension. Not sure why you didn't want to file an extension and if we have too it isn't a problem.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: I suggested that and he specifically doesn't want to do that, not sure why. Maybe so he doesn't have to deal with me any after the D is final?
That is possible, but only he'd know. You don't have to use the whole 4 month extension, but it might make it easier if you just allow yourself another week or so to get them done.
It wouldn't be any problem at all for me to get mine filed on time if I file separate. But I think if we do that he will end up owing a bunch of money.
I feel I am trying to help him out and I'm not getting any cooperation.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I finally told him I'm not comfortable filing the taxes without seeing the paperwork.
He said he was at a loss! That basically I was saying I didn't trust him.
I had to laugh just a bit. I said well I would say you wouldn't cheat on your taxes, I would also have said you wouldn't have an affair or divorce me so I'm just trying to tell you where I am at.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Go ahead and do your own taxes. I don't know what all is going on - we aren't in on your conversations except what you post (word for word). But if he isn't giving you his paperwork, and you have your own ready to go and he's not coming over to help - just do yours and let him worry about his.
Don't let yourself get too emotional about things if you can help it. Think of CHL as dead weight that you need to cut loose. The R with him is dragging you completely down. Hopefully you will feel free once the D is over - whether or not you two get back together in the future.
Maybe set a date for doing your taxes and let him know that if he gets the paperwork to you by then you will do both ... if not, you're just doing yours. I think he did well to open up to you - he didn't feel that you trusted him with the numbers.... but you took that opportunity to jab at him (D and J), OUCH!
By saying that you needed the paperwork, did you mean that you didn't trust him? How about a validating statement like: "I understand how asking that would make you feel as if I don't trust you. I don't mean for it to make you feel that way."
That sounds like a very logical way to handle things. It isn't like giving him an ultimatum is it?
Actually not exactly don't trust him, but I'm not comfortable doing the taxes without seeing the paperwork.
I don't think he would cheat on taxes, but I didn't think he would do those other things either.
I think a lot of this is emotions left over from Jonah and the d being so close. I am sucking bad today and I KNOW it.
When I am this off I have not figured out how to manage it yet. When I am mostly level and start some ASSuming thinking it is almost becoming automatic to immediately questing the ASSumptions! I love it because it saves me some emotional work ups of myself.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: When I am this off I have not figured out how to manage it yet. When I am mostly level and start some ASSuming thinking it is almost becoming automatic to immediately questing the ASSumptions! I love it because it saves me some emotional work ups of myself.
One of the best ways (and one of the highly mentioned ways on the BB) for deailng with being "off" is to not make any important decisions or any contact with the WAS until you feel "on". Sometimes that's all you can do.
Stopping by with a slice of gingerbread and a mug of cocoa for ya -- take a break, sweetie.
Sorry you had to let go of your dear friend Jonah. You gave him a wonderful life and now he'll be surrounded by peace. Dogsmiles and dogpiles -- we need these things to ground us, don't we?
You're handling so many very difficult things with grace and humor -- hug hug hug! A person can learn a thing or two reading YOUR posts!
Don't fret about emotional slips. Sometimes it's too much loss all at once, huh? This happens to us all and it gets overwhelming.
U have great bounce-back -- don't forget it!
U know what works and what doesn't.
U can trust yourself to get back on the pony and head toward high ground (when you've grieved enough for today).
You are a winner.
Thanks for being doglike -- loyal and loving -- and showing us the way.
Overwhelmed is what I felt today. I know it is a combination. I do have to grieve Jonah even though I would not have wanted him to live long with the difficult breathing he didn't seem in any pain and was still very interested in the family life. I don't think I made the wrong choice to give him the extra two weeks.
Thank you again. Cocoa is good today it is cold here!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I really hope this thought stopping stuff gets easier, but on the way to work I started thinking about CHL's family and getting spun up about my feelings that they have turned their backs on me. Then I started getting upset with CHL and it hit me the emotions were starting to build and I realized what I was doing. I didn't catch it as quick as I would have liked but it does work. I am much calmer now! But WORK is the operative word.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I feel I am starting to make progress on stopping the thinking that just stresses me out.
I just can't do anything to stop the divorce. I am still trying to figure how I'm going to deal with that when it comes and I don't have long to finish figuring it out.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
If it seems like things are spinning too fast, you can get off the ride and sit one out.
Though you might not realize it, you HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD.
Even if the D goes through, there will be time.
You will continue to mend things, talk, lighten up, share, learn and grow.
Don't panic.
This is all about learning a better way.
Believe me, I'm speaking from experience. My H did porn for a living and chased buxom coeds around the country while separated from me -- talk about indignity!
But he GOT WHAT HE WANTED and found it didn't satisfy him the way my cuddling, affection, understanding and loyalty do. He really misses me. He just doesn't know his way home.
You will find strength -- cuz you ARE strong. You will find peace -- cuz it's ALWAYS WAITING for us.
Good work on thought-stopping, good work on journalling, good work on figuring out what works.
You're a gem!
I'm so sorry things are hard for you, and there is fear.
But "When you're going through Hell, keep going!" said Winston Churchill -- and it's still true.
The sun is shining here again. I wonder if my mood is that STRONGLY affected by the weather? I feel much better today. It might also be due to having a good start on finally getting our taxes completed!
CHL came over around 6:30 and started loading the tax software. The kids were all over him when he came in.
I had him close his eyes and hold out his hand and gave him a Cadbury Easter Egg.
While software was loading he asked if wanted to do something about dinner. I said I had a couple of potatoes I had bought for Jonah if he was interested. He said that sounded good so he fixed his special deluxe baked potatoes.
He took some sinus medicine as he was really congested and had a pretty bad headache. Then after dinner I had started on the taxes and he ended up with a really upset system. But he kept saying he was stressed over the taxes and stressed over work. I wonder if also stressed over the D? But no one mentioned that or the settlement.
I think the evening went well, overall. I don't believe I did anything too ditzy! Was sorry CHL didn't feel well, but it was nice to see him. He had on a white button up shirt with a sweater over it and I always think he looks so sexy like that!
He forgot his 1099's so I used the amounts he had written down but asked him to answer the questions on that page and I think he saw why I wanted to see the paperwork rather than just have numbers. He is going to double check his papers and give me a call to make sure he answered questions correctly.
Part of his reason for stressing over work is they have moved everything up on him and he has to start the switch over to the new system Friday around 3:30 rather than over the weekend and he has to be finished and have it ready to go by Saturday at 7:00 AM He seems pretty worried, I'm sure he will do fine because he will have put in the ground work that he needs to do ahead of time.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
You know Sage, it really was a nice evening and the really cool thing is I feel more self contained and self confident than I used too. I believe it is due to feeling more in control of myself!!!!
I also believe I at least see my black/white, ASSuming, thinking much easier now and this is going to sound strange, but it is like finding out the world is round rather than flat!!! That there are so many other ways of looking at things rather than the narrow vision I have always had of things! It is really a pretty cool feeling.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Last night I was asking CHL about how I'm doing with IM's, since I know he is so busy and he said all right most of the time. Once in a while I send too many. I said well I wish you would say something when I do, but I will leave it off the rest of the week.
He said you don't have to do that just don't swamp me. So I have left it on but NOT sent any messages today. He will need to contact me sometime today about finishing up taxes and I'm intending to let him make the first contact today since I know at some point he will have to do so!
I wish my memory was better. Somehow was discussing my emotions and I thanked him for being understanding that Monday I was still pretty upset and dealing with the loss of Jonah. He said I am doing better on not being emotional, but sometimes I still am. I thought I had been managing better, but at least he did say I am better and I am really focusing on being even better now that I know some of it is still getting through.
He was stressed over work and taxes but I really felt the evening went well, no cross words or anything. For us both to be a bit stressed and that to happen I thought was pretty darn good.
He did a little bit of joking around and teasing before he got to feeling really bad.
I wonder if that will be the last time I see him before the D? I know he is going to be real busy rest of this week and possibly next week as well.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Pam, My heart goes out to you. You are doing so well. You've become so much stronger. You are learning to respond instead of react and losing that all or nothing thinking. I'm proud of you. When times get rough, think of the song Unanswered Prayers by Garth Brooks I believe....there is something better waiting just around the corner for you...wait and see...then you will Thank God for unanswered prayers. Hang in there. And don't forget to do nice things for Pam... Hugs and prayers, Akgal When all seemed lost, I prayed to St. Rita for reconciliation of my marriage and it came to pass.
Put that thought out of you mind. You have gotten so much stronger, it is seen in your posts. Even if the D is final in 2 weeks, you can still be friends and start anew. You will be a better, stronger person. For You!
Pattie
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
Pam...... the messages that Pattie and Alaska have said here today are exactly what I would say to you too.... I have been off the bb for a month and have come back with a VERY fresh perspective.
I can see an enourmous amount of growth in you and you must remember to look at your self and see that too.
Actually it is an amazing thing to see...and I've never even met you!
Don't keep looking to him to be the temperature taker of how you are doing.....look for yourself to see if you are sending too many IM or going into subjects the way you don't want to, etc. I know you want to be sensitive to him but remember you are the best determiner for your actions...don't make him responsible........take that responsibility for yourself....and he will see the difference even more.....
Keep striving for the best "you" that you can be and don't worry too much about what he wants you to be....
YOU are a terrific creation!! and you are just who you are suppose to be......
My goodness, I can't tell you enough how amazed I am!
Thank you both for the encouragement and the hugs!
I am pretty stressed today, the taxes still aren't done and my friend last night needed some more info off of the form CHL didn't bring me. She was right he hadn't given me all the info. I knew I didn't want to put info on return without seeing the document!!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
DO NOT SINK TO HIS LEVEL WHEN HE IS LIKE THAT! YOU ARE A GROWN MATURE KIND LOVING WOMAN. BEHAVE AS ONE. WALK AWAY AND SHAKE IT OFF. YOU ARE LOVED. WE ALL LOVE YOU HERE.
I'm sorry that CHL was swearing today...I'm assuming you're talking about the IM? Or was it something else?
I read the IM and need to offer up that it seemed as though he was feeling VERY frustrated about KNOWING that there was something going on with you but you weren't telling him WHAT despite some very direct questioning from him (kudos to CHL on the DIRECT approach).
I agree that swearing isn't helpful but can you see what happened in the IM that may have led to extreme frustration? It was as though you were telling him that you had something to say and were upset about something -- dangling that in front of him -- but not telling him what it was.
How could YOU be more direct in the future? Or, don't approach him until you are ready to talk about what's on your mind?
I'm running out for the day so if you do respond to this post don't read into a lack of response from me!
You're doing SO GOOD Pam!
sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I agree with Sage - CHL was trying to figure out what you wanted, and you weren't telling him at ALL. I can understand why he swore, it would drive me up the wall too.
There was some good communication later in the conversation, though. Good job on that!
I will have to give it some thought. It is not an easy question because I'm sure you mean me personaly and nothing involving my marriage. Although I think that is the problem I have is I have no idea what to do to be happy.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I noticed also that you used the word "hateful" for your conversation this morning. It certainly wasn't that. He was just frustrated.
I know this is a REALLY hard time for you - I hope that if the D does have to happen, that it will be a big weight off your shoulders afterwards. I prefer to see it NOT happen, but you need to really start thinking about YOU and maybe that won't happen until this is all tied up.
Quote: David's family the really devoute Catholics use that word a lot of the time.
I want to apologize to everyone for this sarcastic, totally uncalled for remark.
I am really sorry that came out as it did. What his family has done hurts, especially as I thought so highly of them and thought they were like this perfect family, while my own is such a mess.
I let my upset and the anger over them cutting me off lash out here.
It is going to take me a long time I have a feeling to get all of my emotions totally under control.
I really hope everyone will forgive me for that remark.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I am really sorry that came out as it did. What his family has done hurts, especially as I thought so highly of them and thought they were like this perfect family, while my own is such a mess.
I let my upset and the anger over them cutting me off lash out here.
It is going to take me a long time I have a feeling to get all of my emotions totally under control.
I really hope everyone will forgive me for that remark.
Oh, friend, you have come SO far in your journey.
What a wonderful person in.
I hope that you are taking good care of yourself tonight.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Well, as someone who never swore much, I've gotten a potty mouth lately. It isn't good, but it isn't hateful either. I use the F word more in a week than I probably had in my entire life until a year or so ago.
He didn't say "**** you, Pam" - which then I'd consider to be nasty. And to me, it has gotten to be not about the language itself but the intent. David was frustrated and said so, in a coarse way. I do it too.
I hope that you and the shelties live okay. I personally don't even own a bed - and I'm doing fine. Sometimes you have to start working from the ground up again.
The point as far as me not wishing to see you divorced - I said you hopefully will have a weight taken off you once it happens. But that doesn't mean I want to SEE it happen. I didn't want you to think I was pro-your divorce, just pro-you getting on with your life.
Thank you for that, although it is actually the same behaviour, I guess that at least realizing it is a start on stopping it BEFORE it happens rather than needing to apologize for it afterwards!
The shelties and I had a pretty good evening.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
He didn't say "**** you, Pam" - which then I'd consider to be nasty. And to me, it has gotten to be not about the language itself but the intent. David was frustrated and said so, in a coarse way. I do it too.
Well, I didn't appreciate his anger and language being directed at me.
I do see how he got frustrated but I was very frustrated also. I felt like I wasn't getting his attention and I didn't need it for long, but felt I couldn't get it. That I kept getting swatted at like an annoying fly or something.
I hope that you and the shelties live okay. I personally don't even own a bed - and I'm doing fine. Sometimes you have to start working from the ground up again.
Hey, I'm ahead of you, I have a mattress, no bed frame or furniture. But the shelties and I have slept on the mattress on the floor before and I'm sure we can do it again.
The point as far as me not wishing to see you divorced - I said you hopefully will have a weight taken off you once it happens. But that doesn't mean I want to SEE it happen. I didn't want you to think I was pro-your divorce, just pro-you getting on with your life.
Thank you for the clarification. As I'm sure was obvious I was upset when I responded to you, yesterday was a bit rough.
You are still angry and hurt. I don't think there is anything needing forgiveness.
Yes, I am still angry and hurt. But I don't consider that response appropriate no matter what I am feeling. That is also one of my MAIN problem areas is lashing out when I'm hurting!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Gosh CHL seems in a good mood this morning!!! Look at this IMing. I had said good morning quit a while before and we sent two or three messages, I let him know would try to find more info out on his horse. This came later and initiated by HIM!!
DLukenbill (8:46:12 AM): Tee Hee Hee.... I just went to the BB - saw a post from Sage I just had to reply to!
SharaLuke (8:46:28 AM): SharaLuke (8:46:39 AM): I'll have to check it out. SharaLuke (8:46:47 AM): Haven't read threads this morning.
DLukenbill (8:46:58 AM): I've barely been on BB, and haven't posted in quite a while.
SharaLuke (8:47:22 AM): and posted to Sage? SharaLuke (8:47:24 AM): LOL
DLukenbill (8:48:11 AM): I saw she'd posted, and figured she was still doing "beat up on Sage".
SharaLuke (8:48:34 AM): Was she?
DLukenbill (8:48:49 AM): Not too bad. DLukenbill (8:48:59 AM): She was pretty upbeat.
SharaLuke (8:49:04 AM): Good
DLukenbill (8:49:10 AM): (Better than beat up.)
SharaLuke (8:49:11 AM): I will have to read what she posted SharaLuke (8:49:13 AM): LOL SharaLuke (8:49:19 AM): Good point!!!
DLukenbill (8:49:21 AM): Gotta get back to work.
SharaLuke (8:49:31 AM): good luck
DLukenbill (8:49:37 AM): Think it's almost done with what I was waiting on.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Wow. YOu think you are struggling, but your posts look great - not only on your thread but the insights you are leaving elsewhere.
I justed posted to Deb too. I am worried about what she was thinking - help me keep an eye on her today okay?
Are you glad the taxes are in and done? Me too. Do you still do work for your friend for folks who filed extensions? It seems to me that you were really enjoying yourself.
Well, hope to check in later. If not, have a great weekend. I might take the kids to their first drive-in movie. Scooby Doo 2 is playing near us - what fun!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
I am still struggling a lot. I sooo don't want a divorce.
But there is nothing I can do about that so I'm trying to figure the best way to deal with it. Sometimes I get pretty down. Today thankfully I'm not bad and trying to help Deb out some.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Does anyone have any good advice on how to manage when CHL does things that remind me of J which therefore leads me to the ASSumption of all the time CHL must be spending with her?
I know he always puts his job first. But when we were dating he didn't. He put me first.
Now even with this huge project going on and supposed to wrap up tonight. He left work Thursday evening to go to the club with her rather than work to get stuff done he was complaining to me he didn't have done for tonight.
I know I need to drop this rope, it shouldn't matter at this point as in a week and a half we will be divorced.
But he doesn't act towards me like someone he is divorcing so it is hard for me to keep that in mind as to me his actions and my thinking are that he is still my h.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: Does anyone have any good advice on how to manage when CHL does things that remind me of J which therefore leads me to the ASSumption of all the time CHL must be spending with her?
You've already got the tools within you Pam.
(channeling Michele) What's different about the times when you DON'T make ASSumptions? Are you busier? Feeling more active? Have you meditated that day? Exercised?
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Don't drop the rope, go out and make an outdoor clothesline with it. Then hang all your newly washed lingerie on it and see what happens! LOL!
It is just so nice outside that I couldn't resist!
Took the kids to the drive in last night for Scooby Doo 2. I read a book during most of it - I sat in back so two of the kids could sit in front and one in the middle. What a beautiful night of family fun.
Take the kids for a walk. The fresh air will do you all wonders!
Have a great evening and Sunday!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
I am probably just more comfortable within myself those days. Some days I just seem to be more emotional than others. I'm not really sure why, I wish I could identify the reason. My guess is going to be my self talk.
I notice that CHL is keeping on you right now.
I wish he could see that I am really, really trying right now.
I know there are still emotional breakthroughs but nothing like before and with all the extra stress of sick dogs, losing Jonah, now sick horse, divorce close I am managing as best as I can. I really try to talk to myself and catch my self talk and I find myself doing it and talking back to it a lot anymore. It really is starting to become a habit.
I hope his horse gets ok but what she possibly has is neurological and depending on severity she may need to be put down.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
You sound really great. I love your calm and patience. So centered. I wish I were more that way.
It is beautiful outside and Breeze and I went back to feed the kitties a while ago. She loves to go back with me.
She is about the size of the cats and Nick almost always swats at her on the walk to the barn! She will be 16 if she makes Oct. I sure hope she cooperates here, but she is trying to quit eating on me.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I IM'd CHL around 4:00 yesterday and asked if it was time for the drum roll. He said he was running some stuff for T, and as soon as it finished he was starting. He doesn't care for T at all as he has very sloppy work practices. He was venting to me about T's stuff taking longer than T said it would. I like when he vents to me because he is sharing.
Then he said finished and I said good luck and bye. He said a couple more things and then bye.
I had told him if he had to spend the night and got lonely he was welcome to call, didn't matter what time as the kids don't let me really sleep a regular schedule anymore.
I called him last night, didn't expect him to answer was just going to leave a cheery vm. He used to when we were dating and I would work till 11 or so during tax season he would call just for a pick up break. I told him that was what the call was and asked how it was going. He said slow but ok. We chatted for a bit and then I let him go.
This morning I had the computer on but wasn't at it, was downstairs and the phone rang. Got here too late to answer it but saw it was him and called him back. We chatted for quit a while, just about how the job went, his horse and trivial stuff. It seemed a bit awkward at times but I wonder if we do that trying to be careful to be understood by one another. I hope it isn't him distancing himself.
Then I saw he had sent a message on IM before he called. All it said was "I Da Man"
Guess he was proud of how it went and wanted to share maybe? I can't tell you how nice it was that he wanted to share that with me. I complimented him and told him I know how thorough he is and I had felt if he didn't hit any unusual glitches it would go pretty well because he is "Good" We got off the phone and he called right back to ask about the taxes, so that may have been his original reason for calling, but that wasn't the top topic we discussed.
So just wanted this all down so I would remember it.
I had stressed some yesterday over his horse and I eventually caught it and apologized while chatting on IM. But this morning he joked about between work and me he was going gray. I don't know but hope it is a good thing he joked about it. I said I really am sorry and I'm really working on catching upsetting self talk. But I knew I got stressed yesterday. He seemed ok.
But sometimes he very definitely still says things that sound as if he is disassociating himself from me, the house and the kids.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: Read a book called "From Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett. Here are some notes from it:
* Your fears are all about losing control. If you want to stay in control, stay in the present instead of projecting into the future.
* Did I want to spend the rest of my life like this, blaming others for my pain, blaming past situations for my anxiety?
* Recognize the past is the past. You are in control of your present and your future. the past affects you only if you let it.
* Responsibility means the ability to respond in a situation with control and calmness. It turns out that taking responsibility, as difficult as it is initially, is the only road to peace.
* Admit you are a negative thinker. Accept your negative thinking as a bad habit that needs to be broken. Get really good at tracking your negative thoughts. Replace your negative thoughts with compassionate self-talk.
* You are what you think you are and it's all about your attitude. If you think you aren't happy, you won't be. If you think you can't be successful, you won't be. If you think you're not attractive, you won't be. If you think you can't achieve what you want in your life and you say "what about where I come from?" then my answer is "so, what about where you come from"? do you want to blame your life on your past or do you want to use it aas a motivator? Will you use your childhood as a prison wall to hld you back or as rungs of a ladder that will take you to the top of your potential?
* Begin to dream again. Be specific. Give yourself a timeline. Make a plan of action. Take action.
* Your belief system must change. You must be willing to take a risk.
*If you don't make a conscious effort to stop the analysis you'll overload your brain and feel overwhelmed. Trying to figure everything out makes it all seem complicated, confusing and it produces a tremendous amount of anxiety. Consequently, the old behavior seems easier and getting started or taking risks seems too difficult. this is a subconcious way of resisting. Try releasing this type of resistance by giving yourself a time limit. Tell yourself "All right, I'm going to analyze this for two minutes and then I'm going to stop." the mental discipline is essential to stop the pattern. At first, it may be difficult, but it works.
*Assess each stressful situation against the following options:
Eliminate -- Can you eliminate the source of stress (usually no)
Modify -- can you modifiy the source of stress (usually no)
Underreact -- Can you underreact to the situation (usually YES!)
* Trust is an unconditional surrender to a knowing deep inside yourself that everything is all right, exactly as it is. The outcome is immaterial.
Sage
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Quote: Trying to figure everything out makes it all seem complicated, confusing and it produces a tremendous amount of anxiety.
amen to this sister, amen
pam - i know times are hard, but what i absolutely LOVE about you is that IN REALITY you have not ONCE given up - you KNOW you need work and you continue to ask for it and continue to process everything anyone here tells you
Quote: You are what you think you are and it's all about your attitude. If you think you aren't happy, you won't be. If you think you can't be successful, you won't be. If you think you're not attractive, you won't be. If you think you can't achieve what you want in your life and you say "what about where I come from?" then my answer is "so, what about where you come from"? do you want to blame your life on your past or do you want to use it aas a motivator? Will you use your childhood as a prison wall to hld you back or as rungs of a ladder that will take you to the top of your potential?
Pam, the above is really important for you! You are the hardest working woman in db business, just like James Brown is the hardest working man in show business! You just have to keep that mindset positive. YOU be PROUD of who you are. YOU are wonderful, warm, funny, loving, and beautiful. Don't forget that. Set your mindset around those facts.
Thank you for that, I appreciate it. CHL told me the other day the reason I have made more progress working with the bb rather than our C was now I have 50 C's 24 hours a day.
I think partially he was joking and actually I had never looked at it that way but gee you see all these people working on themselves and get so many ideas maybe some of that is why I have made more progress! Whatever the reason is, I'll take the progress and more of the same!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I didn't know much of anything about the horse till I spoke with the girl again yesterday that has her now.
She became sore and has been losing weight for several months now and she hasn't responded to anything they have tried in the line of treatment. The second vet she had out to see her thinks it is EPM and recommended treatment for that, so that is what we are trying right now. She said he didn't think she was real far along with it and hopefully she will respond to the medication.
It is just I know almost nothing about EPM and used to that was almost the diagnosis of a horse going to have to be put down I thought. Apparently that is no longer the case so I am working on not stressing over this deal.
Everything certainly always seems to happen at once. I called and checked on one of my horses and she is doing fine. I am almost afraid to check on the other one as she is the navicular one. I haven't heard from the girl that has her so hopefully no news is good news!!!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I intend to read this book and keep this post handy to keep those important points in front of me.
This is my week/weekend for compliments! It does help the PMA to feel that your hard work is visible! Most of my emotional times have been confined to just me and the bb, unlike in the past where CHL knew about most all of them. He has only known about a few of them. I am just afraid it is still a few too many.
But I really want to hold onto myself hard this next week and a half.
I came up with a visual for myself today and it would sound silly to you all, but it is to help me remember to stop negative/ASSuming thinking and focus instead on calm, more logical thoughts.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I still haven't felt like cleaning the house back up. I know part of that is a bit of depression and thinking I will have to move soon and part of it is it is so far behind because I didn't do much of anything on it while Jonah was sick. The shells all follow me from room to room and I didn't want him having to move around much so I didn't do much during that time frame.
I do have five freshly bathed shelties with nails and feet hair trimmed! So maybe tomorrow evening I will get their ears and teeth worked on. I know that will make their day like I did today. LOL
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
It's my understanding that if EPM is caught early, and the horse is healthy to start out, it is treatable. Apparently, there isn't a simple test to do to diagnose it. Thus, a horse can decline quickly depending on all the other variables.
Good luck!
Pattie
When you can't make a decision because you are torn between your heart and your head, listen to the half with the brain.
The girl that has the horse is one of the graduates from Findlay University's Equestrian program and I have seen her barn and the other horses and feel she is taking good care of the horse.
She seemed hopeful of recovery for Patty so hopefully it will all go well.
I still haven't checked on Lucy, but at least Tessa is doing fine. Really filled out and matured. She is 4 this year and I haven't seen her since last June.
Bet she looks a lot different!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I'm not posting as much lately, I feel rather emotionally drained. I am still reading most of the threads I always posted too, just don't feel up to adding anything.
Still love you all and haven't forgotten you.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I've been separated for 10 months and I still hurt as much as I did during the first month. Does anyone else feel this way? It hurts most because we were supposed to start having children this year and now we are on our way to divorce. I am in my mid 30's and don't have hope for children anymore.
