Got the kids yard cleaned! It was a nice evening outside.
Load of laundry done
Found the tax papers and e-mailed CHL, of course I didn't hear anything back from him. If something doesn't happen this weekend I think I will put his tax papers on his desk and file mine separately!
Didn't do kids teeth
Went to pet store to try to find something Jonah would eat. He didn't like anything I bought.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I don't suppose it is a good thought but I am finding as I start thinking of crap and start to get myself stirred up I remind myself of two things. That isn't going to accomplish anything other than upset me and cause my emotions to possibly spill over and that CHL is like Jonah I can't do anything about him, he is not under my control, not my responsibility to fix, nor am I able to do any of that in actuality!
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
I do think that being on the medication is doing you a world of good... however... in a lot of ways it's like putting a bandaid on things and waiting for them to go away.
Hi Cal,
Doing more thinking today. So if I have put a bandaid on it, it heals faster under a bandaid than if you do nothing, right?
While you may have a chemical imbalance and medication "cures" that, you've still got some serious underlying issues that your physician can do nothing about. I think we've said this before - your medication will balance you out but you can still feel depressed or happy. The reasons for your depression, negative thoughts, etc can't be fixed by medication or your physician. That is what counselors are for and you should be seeing one.
I know I gave you my pat answer on the C I saw not helping and I do think possibly if I saw the right C they could help me progress faster than I will on my own.
I also believe I have to be willing and ready to do the work and I feel I am there now. All along I have been able to see changes in me, even though CHL hasn't necessarily. But I have never consistently been able to really realize when I'm having ASSuming thoughts and stop myself, knowing they will only hurt me and possibly spray out onto CHL.
I have done that several times here in the past few days. I believe it is getting a bit easier to catch them and stop them. I'm sure the really strong ones are going to still be very difficult but absolutely I can tell I'm getting better.
You know I used to think I had serious problems, that something was bad wrong with me. But having seen and read that a lot of my actions are actions that others here on the bb have done and are working on changing. I actually no longer feel I have serious mental problems. I think I probably do have a chemical imbalance and I also think I never learned emotional control.
My thoughts on that are my grandmother had the chemical imbalance, my mom possibly does, either way my mom always lets all of her moods out very strongly, so that was what I believe I patterned myself after. I think what I really have to focus on now is seeing and realizing the thinking I do really affects my moods and that my thinking is very much based on my emotions.
You've seen this pattern or cycle over and over in your life and I think that is indication enough that there is something else going on inside YOU that needs to be addressed. I think counseling would do you so much good in addition to the medication.
I hope my response here doesn't look like a yes, but, answer, I have really given it a lot of thought as I have been working on catching and changing my thinking patterns.
I am not sure why I couldn't do it before. Maybe I did need for the medication to get to this level to enable me to control the emotions better. Maybe I had to face that my marriage was over or a combination of the two. I'm not sure of that, but I do know that I am controlling the emotional thinking much more now than I was before.
Pam
"We must be willing to let go of the life we had planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us"
Pam, I'm so sorry to hear about your dear Jonah. I lost my treasured canine friend last night too. Sending you warm thoughts for pleasant memories that will comfort you. WT
I think that when animals get to that point, they just lie down & go to sleep. I bet he didn't suffer. I'm glad you got this last week with him & that it happened naturally so you didn't have to make the decision. I have done it before & it is difficult even when you know it is for the best.
Sounds like are a great mom to your dogs & I'm sure you gave Jonah a wonderful life.
Oh Pam,as a total dog lover I feel your pain,I am sending you something special. I lost a bitch in whelptwo years ago,and I still break down thinking about her,and along with that because my ex said I killed her once,such a mean person sometimes. OTO
It was a nice evening outside.
If something doesn't happen this weekend I think I will put his tax papers on his desk and file mine separately! 
