Logic verses Emotions, Aiming for Logic

[alaskangal]

I know I need to drop this rope

You know what you need to do.

Thinking about you. Sending you warm thoughts,

Hugs and prayers,
Akgal

[sage]

Does anyone have any good advice on how to manage when CHL does things that remind me of J which therefore leads me to the ASSumption of all the time CHL must be spending with her?

You've already got the tools within you Pam.

(channeling Michele) What's different about the times when you DON'T make ASSumptions? Are you busier? Feeling more active? Have you meditated that day? Exercised?

Sage

[totite]

Hey Pam -

Don't drop the rope, go out and make an outdoor clothesline with it. Then hang all your newly washed lingerie on it and see what happens! LOL!

It is just so nice outside that I couldn't resist!

Took the kids to the drive in last night for Scooby Doo 2. I read a book during most of it - I sat in back so two of the kids could sit in front and one in the middle. What a beautiful night of family fun.

Take the kids for a walk. The fresh air will do you all wonders!

Have a great evening and Sunday!

[psluke]

Hi Akgal,

Your warm thoughts must have gotten here! The house says it is 80 and I am in shorts and the kids are panting.


Thank you for the encouragement.

[psluke]

Hi Sage,

I am probably just more comfortable within myself those days. Some days I just seem to be more emotional than others. I'm not really sure why, I wish I could identify the reason. My guess is going to be my self talk.

I notice that CHL is keeping on you right now.

I wish he could see that I am really, really trying right now.

I know there are still emotional breakthroughs but nothing like before and with all the extra stress of sick dogs, losing Jonah, now sick horse, divorce close I am managing as best as I can. I really try to talk to myself and catch my self talk and I find myself doing it and talking back to it a lot anymore. It really is starting to become a habit.

I hope his horse gets ok but what she possibly has is neurological and depending on severity she may need to be put down.

[psluke]

Hi totite,

You sound really great. I love your calm and patience. So centered. I wish I were more that way.

It is beautiful outside and Breeze and I went back to feed the kitties a while ago. She loves to go back with me.

She is about the size of the cats and Nick almost always swats at her on the walk to the barn! She will be 16 if she makes Oct. I sure hope she cooperates here, but she is trying to quit eating on me.

[psluke]

I IM'd CHL around 4:00 yesterday and asked if it was time for the drum roll. He said he was running some stuff for T, and as soon as it finished he was starting. He doesn't care for T at all as he has very sloppy work practices. He was venting to me about T's stuff taking longer than T said it would. I like when he vents to me because he is sharing.

Then he said finished and I said good luck and bye. He said a couple more things and then bye.

I had told him if he had to spend the night and got lonely he was welcome to call, didn't matter what time as the kids don't let me really sleep a regular schedule anymore.

I called him last night, didn't expect him to answer was just going to leave a cheery vm. He used to when we were dating and I would work till 11 or so during tax season he would call just for a pick up break. I told him that was what the call was and asked how it was going. He said slow but ok. We chatted for a bit and then I let him go.

This morning I had the computer on but wasn't at it, was downstairs and the phone rang. Got here too late to answer it but saw it was him and called him back. We chatted for quit a while, just about how the job went, his horse and trivial stuff. It seemed a bit awkward at times but I wonder if we do that trying to be careful to be understood by one another. I hope it isn't him distancing himself.

Then I saw he had sent a message on IM before he called. All it said was "I Da Man"

Guess he was proud of how it went and wanted to share maybe? I can't tell you how nice it was that he wanted to share that with me. I complimented him and told him I know how thorough he is and I had felt if he didn't hit any unusual glitches it would go pretty well because he is "Good" We got off the phone and he called right back to ask about the taxes, so that may have been his original reason for calling, but that wasn't the top topic we discussed.

So just wanted this all down so I would remember it.

I had stressed some yesterday over his horse and I eventually caught it and apologized while chatting on IM. But this morning he joked about between work and me he was going gray. I don't know but hope it is a good thing he joked about it. I said I really am sorry and I'm really working on catching upsetting self talk. But I knew I got stressed yesterday. He seemed ok.

But sometimes he very definitely still says things that sound as if he is disassociating himself from me, the house and the kids.

[psluke]

Read a book called "From Panic to Power" by Lucinda Bassett. Here are some notes from it:

* Your fears are all about losing control. If you want to stay in control, stay in the present instead of projecting into the future.

* Did I want to spend the rest of my life like this, blaming others for my pain, blaming past situations for my anxiety?

* Recognize the past is the past. You are in control of your present and your future. the past affects you only if you let it.

* Responsibility means the ability to respond in a situation with control and calmness. It turns out that taking responsibility, as difficult as it is initially, is the only road to peace.

* Admit you are a negative thinker. Accept your negative thinking as a bad habit that needs to be broken. Get really good at tracking your negative thoughts. Replace your negative thoughts with compassionate self-talk.

* You are what you think you are and it's all about your attitude. If you think you aren't happy, you won't be. If you think you can't be successful, you won't be. If you think you're not attractive, you won't be. If you think you can't achieve what you want in your life and you say "what about where I come from?" then my answer is "so, what about where you come from"? do you want to blame your life on your past or do you want to use it aas a motivator? Will you use your childhood as a prison wall to hld you back or as rungs of a ladder that will take you to the top of your potential?

* Begin to dream again. Be specific. Give yourself a timeline. Make a plan of action. Take action.

* Your belief system must change. You must be willing to take a risk.

*If you don't make a conscious effort to stop the analysis you'll overload your brain and feel overwhelmed. Trying to figure everything out makes it all seem complicated, confusing and it produces a tremendous amount of anxiety. Consequently, the old behavior seems easier and getting started or taking risks seems too difficult. this is a subconcious way of resisting. Try releasing this type of resistance by giving yourself a time limit. Tell yourself "All right, I'm going to analyze this for two minutes and then I'm going to stop." the mental discipline is essential to stop the pattern. At first, it may be difficult, but it works.

*Assess each stressful situation against the following options:

Eliminate -- Can you eliminate the source of stress (usually no)

Modify -- can you modifiy the source of stress (usually no)

Underreact -- Can you underreact to the situation (usually YES!)

* Trust is an unconditional surrender to a knowing deep inside yourself that everything is all right, exactly as it is. The outcome is immaterial.

Sage

[KutieKat]

Trying to figure everything out makes it all seem complicated, confusing and it produces a tremendous amount of anxiety.

amen to this sister, amen

pam - i know times are hard, but what i absolutely LOVE about you is that IN REALITY you have not ONCE given up - you KNOW you need work and you continue to ask for it and continue to process everything anyone here tells you

that takes a special kinda woman

[MovinOn]

Hi Pam,

The book sounds interesting.

So, what's up with the horse? I answered on my thread to what little I know.

Pattie