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pinn Offline OP
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felon followed up with his craziness by calling me at 3:30 in the morning after he called me parents house for some reason. That was a great conversation... at least he didn't come to my house again I guess.

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pinn Offline OP
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Went outside to a nice slashed tire... this is great. Security cameras will be bought today.

POS of felon mentioned another guy I should ask WW about. A number of years ago, I think we were engaged, WW started getting harassed on FB and someone was having stuff delivered to the house (flowers etc). WW chalked it up to yet another crazy ex-BF (who threatened to kill me). I did too at the time though some things didn't make complete sense. He had been quiet for a number of years so why start things up at that point in time. So it turns out that WW was hiding that she knew this guy was doing it. He wanted to be with her and got mad. She says nothing happened (insert rolly eyes emoji here) but if I am being completely stupid they were clearly talking inappropriately. But she lied about it. I told her flat out about the transparency requirement in any future relationship. She didn't really like that but whatever, I don't think it really matters. She was like that means you don't trust me, well... obviously not. How could I possibly trust her? I have a 20 year collection of history and the pattern is the same over and over. Might be time to let this go. Makes me very sad though. Maybe the gym will help!

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2 words, restraining order

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pinn Offline OP
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ugh.. what a whirl wind 24 hrs. I don't think I have posted this much in 6 months.

I thought about the incident from about 5 years ago all day and WW's dishonesty. My logical brain is taking over and don't see how we could possibly make it 35-40 years without this happening again. I just cannot make her happy enough to keep her interested in 'us'.. plain and simple. She might want to be with me now, but she will continue to get attention from men as she is very out going and quite attractive. Even though she is open for transparency, I just don't see it.

So she calls and we are talking. She basically says that well if that is how I feel maybe we should move things along. She was looking for a reassurance from me. Instead, I said maybe that is best. And she started whaling. Lots and lots of tears, saying she does want to be with me etc etc. I had tears too but kept it all under control so she wouldn't know. Once that phone hung up though, it all came out. I was bawling my eyes out. I don't think I have cried like that during this entire ordeal.

I feel so sad. All I wanted since I was 15 was to be with her and have a family together. I had the makings of that and lost it. I feel like a complete failure frown.

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I feel for you, I haven't posted my story yet. We have many similarities from what I have read throughout your threads. Close in age as well. I don't have any advice to offer you, as I am only three months into my journey but you are in my heart.

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Pinn
Question for you.
I know you won't want to answer quickly and it may not be the answer you think but I am asking anyway

Do you maybe think you are too good for her?

I have started asking myself this question based strictly off actions on my wife's part
Some of the things she has done really mad me start asking this. At first I immediately said no way but I think that was knee jerk because I didn't want believe it and wanted to think she would be the person I wanted to remember

I ask you this based strictly off of your recent experiences and how she possibly got you both here and the info you have told about the past

Just curious.


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
otw #2726743 01/22/17 06:29 PM
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Holy cr@p, Pinn. That is crazy. Sorry you had to deal with that ordeal. Not good at all.

Otw, brings up a good question. And I wouldn't dare peg you as any certain way, but I wonder if you were typical "nice guy" which allowed ww to kind of walk all over you a bit through the whole relationship. I'm completely making that up.... Don't know for sure.

Just stay safe. No one needs that kind of nonsense.


Me- 30's H- 40's
T-10 M-5
I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15
D filed by H: September 16
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pinn Offline OP
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Thanks Pax and OTW for checking in… my rocks.
OTW, I have never thought “I was too good for her” though I am beginning to think that I deserve better. So in some respects I am waking up there. She can get the best and I don’t understand why she goes for these loser types. It is crazy to me.
Pax, I read No More Mr. Nice guy and I definitely have some nice guy tendencies but don’t fit what was portrayed in the book exactly. But WW did tend to walk over me, you are right. I have adjusted that since we have been connecting for the past few months.
I just don’t know what to do here. The revelation about the guy from 4-5 years ago is telling. What a little sneak! We had discussed what occurred during that time several times because it was weird and something just didn’t sit right with me. She just lied, lied, lied right to my face every time. I am actually thankful POS felon told me about what really happened. So in those 6 years we were together am I to believe that these are the only two instances of inappropriate contact? Logical brain has taken over and it says no way. I was a fool. All my friends and family are right. I do wish it could work though. She continues to blame our ‘chemistry’ issues as the reason this happens but says that she now wants to work on all that. How can I work through this? Since we have no kids and a pretty short marriage, isn’t it best to call it quits? Logical brain says yes, but emotional brain doesn’t want to. Emotional brain wants her. Ugh.
After I told her we she end things yesterday, she sent some more texts and called. More apologies, saying she has learned a lot, wants to be with me, is OK with transparency bla bla bla. I said can you just let things cool down for a few days. I said you kept suggesting consoling but never followed through, she said I didn’t seem into it. Maybe we should do a few sessions?
Sorry for the stream of consciousness rambles. You guys understand. Am I doing the right thing? The only possible solution is for this to end in divorce, right? I mean I don’t see it any other way. Everything is destroyed and now that I see how easy it is for her to lie right to my face for years on end. Ugh.. makes me sad. I just wanted to be with her and have a family. Amazing as it is, I hate to see her hurting even though she has hurt me countless times over the past 20ish years. Actually, it was funny. On the phone when she was crying hard and I was not, she said how are you OK? I said I have cried enough tears over you already to last a lifetime, I am all out.

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pinn Offline OP
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I copied and paste the spacings got all messed up...

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Divorce after all is just a piece of paper. It will solve none of your W's problem, not is it going to solve any of your and it is foolish to think otherwise. I think more than anything else you are looking for a sense of closure and you think a D will provide you with one. Slim chances of that. You got to focus on yourself and do what is best for you. You have to detach and grow and I also feel you got to get angry. You are bottling it in way too much.

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