Never good enough

[010207]

Thank you Gump. Your words of encouragement are greatly appreciated. Reading your thread, I know there is only so much you can prepare yourself for. But things sneak up on you and knock you back down. Hugs to you, my friend. I hope you're having a good day

[Dawgs]

Hi Chewie!

completely against the rules I said you don't need to come out here and hide what you're doing

I wouldn't say that's totally against the rules, although others may see it differently. You called him out on it, and in my book that's a good thing.

I walked in on him getting dressed and had to walk back out. We've always had a really great sex life and I miss that so much. It's so painful not to be able to touch my H.

Same here. I'd walk into the room and she'd cover up. Then, I'd just turn and walk out as you as time passed. It is/was very painful, but also showed a corner being turned. You are doing well, my friend.

A few minutes later he tells me how he opened up several new bank accounts at a different bank. Such a little thing but so different from his usual self and it felt like a slap in the face.

Several? I'm not liking this. You need to keep an eye on the money and make sure he isn't hiding it. Personal experience, here. Mine did it with an account that she had forgotten I was part of (I became co-owner right after marriage)...I suspected something was up when she started complaining about not having money, so I accessed the account and there it was. Since I am co-owner, all alerts I set on it go to my email alone...so I set everything to see money added/taken out, etc. And gave it all to my lawyer. Good times indeed.

I've been feeling ok the last few days. But I'm slipping back down again just from seeing him undress. I miss him

Of course you do, and no one would fault you for it. Time, the enemy and friend of us all.

[Dawgs]

I know there is only so much you can prepare yourself for. But things sneak up on you and knock you back down.

Yes, yes they do. That happened this weekend involving one of her family members.

[010207]

Hi Jeep - sorry you hit a speed bump again this weekend. I hope it didn't last long and you were able to pick yourself back up.

I went out Saturday night and took my children out of state for a family party yesterday. I got all dressed up and made myself all perty. I felt good and knew I looked good! First time in years I've been able to say that. Until I saw pics afterwards and thought... hmmmm.... still need some work. lol Confidence issues anyone???

H played it cool, but I could tell he wasn't pleased I had plans. Because I was going out? Because it meant he couldn't? who knows.

He's texting me mundane things today. I'm not responding but I'm wondering if that's the best course of action? Is he trying to just keep in touch - open a dialogue? By not responding am I hurting more than helping?

[ForGump]

Good that you're focusing on yourself for now. That's the road to becoming a healthy, attractive individual and a partner.

Photos are always ... disappointing. Everyone feels like he doesn't look the way he wants to. Which is why there are professional photographers, who can make a person look good. I bet if you felt good, it showed to people around you.

He's texting you because ... who knows!!! He's confused. Don't try to mind read. It will make you go all over the place. I drive myself nuts (and into fear and depression) trying to mind read, work myself into a frenzy anticipating my W's next move.

Think of the texts like ... coming from a good friend. How would you respond, esp. if you are kind of busy today? Probably not respond to every single text, but a couple, in a warm way but ... stay brief.

My two cents.

[Dawgs]

Hi Chewie!

It wasn't a speed bump, pre se, but more of what this family member of hers did. It didn't do anything more than stir some anger on my part. All I will say is that slandering on public forum is NOT awesome.

I went out Saturday night and took my children out of state for a family party yesterday. I got all dressed up and made myself all perty. I felt good and knew I looked good! First time in years I've been able to say that. Until I saw pics afterwards and thought... hmmmm.... still need some work. lol Confidence issues anyone???

Good for you! I can dig getting dressed up and making oneself look perty (I like that). I know how you feel on the pics. I have never liked seeing mine even though somehow I got a photogenic tag. You don't need any work at all!

H played it cool, but I could tell he wasn't pleased I had plans. Because I was going out? Because it meant he couldn't? who knows.

Don't read into it, and certainly don't give it a second thought.

He's texting me mundane things today. I'm not responding but I'm wondering if that's the best course of action? Is he trying to just keep in touch - open a dialogue? By not responding am I hurting more than helping?

I wouldn't worry about it, after all, why? If he were interested, you'd know it. Maybe he's just doing a slight tug on the line to see if the hook is still in.

[010207]

Thanks Gump and Jeep! Your 2 cents are always welcome.

I find myself in a strange place tonight. H asked me this morning if I was still looking for a new job which tells me that D is still in the forefront of his mind. No texts at all today. I would be lying if I said I didn't keep checking.

I was kid less for the afternoon so I spent it going through DR and making some lists. Got a text from D stating H was going to a sports bar after work with a friend and not to make him dinner. You have had no problems texting me before but now your going through our child? Whatever. Part of me doesn't believe he's with who he says he's with, but I really didn't care either way.

Found myself wondering, why?? Why am I putting up with this BS? What is it that's keeping me here? H is a very clean person. 2-3 showers per day, almost always picks up after himself. Last several months he goes out of his way to do absolutely nothing. He leaves his garbage all over the place for me to pick up. Literally wrappers, cans and left out food all over the counter. He was the one to clean up after the dogs but hasn't in months. Would let the garbage over flow instead of taking it out. Several inches of sleet/slush accumulated last night. Instead of using the snow blower, he left it. S and I just spent an hour shoveling because of course he's not here.

My S is angry. Has been but tonight was bad. Not because he had to shovel but because I did (I've never shovelled in my life). When this 1st started he would say to me, who is this person? This is not my father, what is the matter with him? He feels like his father is a let down. I've heard him on more than 1 occasion recently say he wants to be nothing like his father. My heart breaks for him. He used to idolize his father and now he bears witness to the effed up mess!

If I'm awake when he gets home, I'll do my best to keep my mouth shut because I know tomorrow is a new day and I'll more than likely feel different. But tonight I'm angry and just reconsidering my position on things.

[KentS]

I'm thinking zombie apocalypse. Drooling, staggering, with that zombie limp. Ok, I have a sick sense of humor.

[010207]

Lol, I like it and needed the laugh. So thank you!

[010207]

So H came home. Was not pleased to find out I had shoveled with S. Proceeds to ask why the kids were with my mom. I nicely said, because I also had plans for tonight that ended up being canceled. He said if you told me I wouldn't have gone out. I said I made sure I had someone to be with them when I made my plans. It wasn't intended to be a backhanded comment, but that's how it came out. He said the only person I have would be your mom too - I can't ask my family. I didn't say anything but felt like saying that isn't my problem. He then asked if I wanted to figure out schedules like every other weekend. I said we'll work it out, but in my head I was screaming No! These are my children! I spend every waking hour with them. I take them every where. I stay up with them when they are sick. My life with my kids cannot be reduced to this!

Then I thought H had gone to the bedroom for the night. I had just finished dinner while reading the blogs here. Left my tablet open while I went to rinse my dish. When I heard him coming, I left the water running and ran to close the tablet. Got to it just as he came around the corner so he saw me doing it. I know his curiosity is peaked as to what I was trying to hide. Fully expecting some snooping to start on his end.

My tablet and phone are password protected so I'm not really worried about that. Trying to figure out where to hide my DR book and journal. Would put them in my gun safe which is also password protected, but since its next to my bed and he's there, that's not going to work. How do people lie and cheat? This is a lot of work and I'm not even doing anything wrong