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Sotto,

I can't seem to find V's Q & A sheet. Any ideas on how best to find it. 3 month search limit is testing me....:)

Thanks.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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Sara,

I will watch the film. I think I have seen it actually. I like the analogy though - I can make a plant and a pet last for 12 months easily. I have started a business from scratch and it's really firing after 6 months - that is kind of plant and my pet. 12 months will see it thrive.

Yes I get the 'aha' moment. I guess I just need to be careful that this is just GAL rather than anything more serious until it is right for serious. Which makes me think about the D process again........mmmmmmm.

I think I am becoming more committed to a D in all honesty. I just don't see me wanting her back.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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Hi Surfer, V posted to Don back in Novemer - here's a link to her post:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2710427&page=2

She then went on to assess herself against those questions in her own thread in surviving the big D a couple of days later...

I thought it was a helpful list :-)


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Sotto,

Thank you.

Did you mean this?

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2710427&page=4

Is it item 3 that troubles you? Because I am not D yet? If not what else do you see me struggling with? Perhaps I am giving off the wrong impression IDK.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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So not much happening. Work is good, life is good, kids are good. WW is being nice. We are co-parenting well. No blow ups. Life is good. Do I want her back. No.

Generally quite happy and content.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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Surfer, I'm extremely happy to hear you're feeling good right now. It's also great to hear that a stable co-parenting relationship is possible, even after all of this mess they've put us through.

I would ask a question though. Do you think your current level of happiness is sustainable or do you think you're at the top of one of the many hills of the roller coaster you are riding? It can be easy in our situations to get caught up in the moment while losing sight of the long journey we are all on. Just want to make sure you have self-awareness that yours may not fully be over. Not trying to be a downer, just trying to help keep you level and working on detaching.

Regardless, I do hope for the best for you brother. If it is detachment you have found via your understanding of Ws behavior then that's spectacular! You deserve a respite from her constant bombardment. Keep doing what you're doing my friend!


Me39
M11 : T13
D9
BD 5/31/16
In House S until 6/21/17
Divorced 10/5/18
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LT

It is sustainable I am 100% sure. But I need to fill the loneliness by being with the kids, friends, family and at some point someone special for me.

Peace came with understanding my WWs. Ehavious as abuse, stopping
accepting this and the acceptance that she is unlikely to change. I also understand and accept that her behaviour is hers, caused by her actions
And FOO stuff. II have let her go and I am ready to let someone else into my life. I have accepted myself again. This is key. I still have things I need to work on personally but I now know what I suspected. I am a lovable and kind man and a great father. I am happy with my future and i warmly welcome it.

In summary it was just letting her go and accepting me that did it. Understanding her and her issues (massive thanks to V for this) and moving forward without fear of losing her. Accepting that she went/has gone and knowing there is a happier life without the drama.

Don't misunderstand. I still love my wife for who she is and always will. She is just not the person I loved anymore. That's her choice. Not mine.

Keep working at it mate. There are different problems for us all in this and therefore we will all have different solutions. This is me mine however.

I am now working with on island 2. She left me on island 1. I recognise this and Pig Pen was key in me understanding that I have been expecting her to come back to island 1. However she left that for a reason. So I am not hanging around with 'Wilson' I am moving islands. I am going to build my own happiness.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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You sound like you're in a good place. On more concrete terms, what's the next step?


M 10yrs T 13yrs
BD #1Oct 2015-PA between WAH and COW
BD #2 April 2016-WH resumed PA, she broke it off
Jan 2 2017 WH says he wants divorce
April '17-Letting go
2018 D busted
DD8, DS6, DS3
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Sara

If I am honest. I think to move on. Really move on.

If she ever comes back to me I will listen but I really don't expect she will. It's years since her EA. There is little resentment and we get on but I have no desires for her and it's reciprocated. We have not been intimate for 7 years or even hugged or held hands for 3 to 4 years. It's time to move on. I'm just not hanging around anymore.

Problem is I think I am going to need to instigate the D so we can as she is just sitting right doing very little.

Surfer.


M46/W40/D8/S6/T20/M12/Separated 6/2016,W takes kids
Issues2009
Wpartying w/g.f's2013on
EA2013PAdeniedWleavesMBR
ImeetAP/EAhalts
VariousBDDates
MFCourse
WSpew
EAresumes I halt
Wrages
DBIng4/2016




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Surfer,
Again I commend your really long stance. I like a lot of your attitude and I agree you are in a good frame of mind.

I don't think D is an absolute necessity to build a new island. That being said follow your heart.I understand you wanting what can only be found in SN intimate R.

Best wishes


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
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