Nicole, i honestly feel we are talking about the same man. My mil called him once to tell him our S was crying for him and that was his exact same response. I too can’t believe how they can prioritise anything over these absolute blessings. And as for the whole “don’t make me feel bad”, I’m honestly not sure anything can do.
There has been a few men he once respected who have told him he is being an idiot and making a mistake, but he pays no attention. He is an impressive liar these days, so lord knows what he tells them. A good friend who he truly respects has gotten wind of our situation and repeatedly tells him what a mistake he is making (he’s been there and done it, so learnt the hard way). Still he is set in his mind. Like your husband, it is complete personality transplant of someone who doted on me and i believed we had the perfect marriage. I truly don’t think you could have done anything to prevent it. Granted we all have areas we think we could have done differently, but marriage is a compromise and growth of two people. And from what I’ve read, you have stood by and took a lot. Forgiven him in order to keep your family together. Just like i did. Sometimes it’s almost as though they cannot live with the guilt, and we are a subtle reminder of the pain they’ve caused us and the shoddy decisions.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Life continues to plod along round this end. My anger has propelled me into a mind set of “i will come out on top here”, which is only a good thing. Had a bit of a set back that hurt yesterday when i got a wedding invitation to where we had our wedding. Rather than bury my head in a sea of depression, i intend to go, look great and wish the couple all my best in the world.
My mind likes to torture me at night and give me vivid dreams of either memories, or showdowns involving the other woman, where i am some kind of woman scorned and out for revenge. This doesn’t help matters for an already sleep deprived woman.
Still, trying to count my blessings and focus on them. We’ve had S Christmas play at school, which was lovely, and a beautiful memory. I was for sure the proud mama. I’ve been super busy with baby, and also trying to run a business I’ve started up which is doing good. I even somehow managed to carve a bit of time to get my nails and eyebrows done so i feel a tad more groomed.
Still don’t want to see him. I think i thrive more when I’m away from him, at least until I’m a bit stronger. When i see him currently, my rage just boils, and the hurt of someone rewriting your entire history and hearing them tell you about their new life and woman. It’s not something i need or want to hear.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Hi Cherry, it sounds like you're doing as well as possible given your circumstances. Night time is definitely the hardest. I don't know how you're able to run a business, do your eyebrows, and find all that energy! I wanted to follow your advice about doing beauty treatments at night but I haven't been able to do so yet. I keep falling asleep from exhaustion but I'm also physically ill with a new chronic illness so maybe that's partly why.
It just seems to me, without knowing much, that you'll likely meet a really wonderful man through your son's school or in the community because you seem to be doing all the right things and someone, somewhere is going to notice you when the time is right!
Thank you Nicole. Although I’m most certainly not on the look out, i went out for a meal with some colleagues and into the city the other night- and although my confidence isn’t there mentally. I faked it and held my head up, and was surprised at how much attention i did have. Yes it makes me feel a fair bit better, but a part of me also wanted to smack wh in the head and ask him how everyone else sees it but not him.
Have they got you on any medication that can help? I’ve a few conditions myself (long term side effects from cancer as a late teenager) so i know totally how exhausting life can get. If you need to sleep though, that’s therapy in itself, your body needs it. Are you able to get any childcare for your daughter? Even for a few hours a day just to give you a hour or so rest bite? My s has started nursery school which helps as then I’ve just baby for a few hours a day.
As for finding the time and energy, i can be so stubborn at times, and what drives me is my want to not crumble. Nothing would give my ex the satisfaction more of knowing he’s turned me into some kind of recluse who has thrown away her aspirations and become the opposite of what she was. So i intend to thrive and show him i could do this before him, i can sure as hell do it after him.
I saw the ex at the weekend. I braced myself for a showdown based upon the last time i saw him. But it wasn’t that. I made sure before he got there that i had my make up on, i was dressed good, smelling good- for my own confidence. Once I’d done that i felt as though i was ready to face the world. He looked miserable, i was happy looking as if he hadn’t bothered me. I asked him how he was, he started to tell me about something that had happened and how it made him feel sad. I gave friendly advise as if i was talking to a friend/neighbour. He hugged me, his hands began to wander and i cut him loose there and said given that he had a girlfriend, i didn’t feel comfortable doing that. I walked away and made myself busy and left that right there.
I don’t know if this was the way to play it. Or why i would be the one he finds comfort in. But i needed to get it out there to him that he well and truly fired me from being that person.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Thanks V. I know i could of had him right there if i wanted. But for what? To enable some cake eating? So i feel I’ve got one up on her? Trying to remove myself out of the situation a bit. I’m starting to realise that I’m worth more than some casual hook up every now and again. And it’s time he needs to see that too.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Sounds like you did the right thing. Your husband must be really happy when he can have both you and a girlfriend on the side. When you take away the option of having both then hopefully he'll at least think a little. I'm sure you've done that in the past too and it hasn't changed the outcome but you can keep drilling the point into his head that he can't have both.
It's nice that guys have noticed you when you go out with your work colleagues. It sounds like your husband notices you too, he just isn't playing by the rules. It's hard dealing with someone like that. Is it all just a game to them?
