Cherry. Getting on with a few bumps

[Vanilla]

Cherry go ahead and have a good spew.

What an arse wiping gut bucket scum pone scrubber.....

And the rest. My views are unprintable.

You are entitled, allowed and mandated to say what the hell you want in any way you chose.

It still hurts though, I think it's not the loss of the WH but the loss of the dreams, support and realisation that some of this dross was future faking.

Here is a hat pin, find an wax doll and stick it in.

V

[Cherry]

Thank you v. I think you’re absolutely right. It’s not so much him, certainly not right now. I look at him and i feel anger. It’s the constant playback my mind wants to do of our past that kills me. And then because he has so cleaverly rewritten our past; all of what where my happy memories of my first love are just tinged with “it was all a lie”.
The two guys are totally different, i married a caring sweet guy. Now he’s cold and totally selfish.
So i don’t regret my spew. He needed to hear it. And i will gladly stick those pins in some unmentionable areas.

[Vanilla]

Anger is great Cherry, a tool for you to use in your life to move you forward.

Anger is important for those of us who find it hard to let go.

V

[PsySara]

I am so evil, I would totally inform the new "potential" that he was trying to proposition you 2 weeks ago. I would not do this for spite but she should know what's she's signing up for. If they do end up marrying then I give it maybe a year before it disintegrates. He is a broken man and will make for a broken marriage regardless of who he hangs with.

[Cherry]

V, that’s exactly what I’m focusing upon. I won’t lie and say it doesn’t bother me, it does. It bought up all those grieving for the past feelings. But at the same time, I’m angry. Furious in fact that he did this to me, and still has the ability to hurt me. So i am latching on to that anger to drive me and keep me moving forward.

Sara, I’ve not a clue who she is. But i always find one way of another the truth comes out. He’s potentially building a m with a woman who knows nothing about him, and who he already has secrets and lies and who he’s cheated on already. It’s almost comical the things they do and come out with. The mind must be in such a deep fog to ever believe they are making a good decision.

[Vanilla]

None of this is in any way surprising Cherry.

Waywards do as they do. Are we critiquing a wayward as not so. Using our imagination to envision them to be as they should be or could be?

Until eventually we can never unknow, the spell break occurs and we can never unknow.

I remember that moment of golden knowledge, I can pin point the exact second of spell break when it all changed. I knew it and the Giggalo knew he had gone too far. There was no going back, the Rubicon was crossed and it was done.

It was frightening, it could have gone very very badly. I could not hide my knowing. I could never unknow, there was Shift

Sometimes on switches, i am privileged to be part of another's spell break or as in your case to observe it happening. There is no going back.

Trouble is that point means the wayward no longer hide their waywardness or other bad behaviour. Nothing to loose, they can bully you back to what they want, cake and eating it.

This rejection is so so destructive to the wayward, and they need a replacement target. Like a predator needso prey.

Of course it makes you angry, how could it not?

I applaud you for it, it makes you strong. You know those dreams weren't even real and that is worth getting angry about.

Lovely Cherry, you deserve so much much more.

V

[Cherry]

Thank you V.
You’re right, it isn’t really any way surprising. I think this is part of my internal argument i have with myself. The grieving part is saying “but how can he say that” or “how can he move on so fast when I’m not ready to even entertain the idea of dating”.
Then the other part of me thinks that he has done so many strange strange out of character things, this is just another to add to the catalogue.

I don’t know if it’s strength or stubbornness. I don’t want to be dragged to being a broken shell of a woman not able to breathe without him. Yes, i am sad at the loss of what i thought was. I’m angry that I’m left with all the responsibilities. But I’m also determined to be grateful for what i do have, and roll with the punches.

My blessings and gratitude are my memories i make every day with my children. And how S enjoyed his first experience of snow today. While he’s off doing whatever waywards busy their time/thoughts with; i got to make precious memories. So who’s losing out here?

[PsySara]

Completely off topic but I just purchased my first Loius Vuitton bag and was thinking of you the whole time!

[Cherry]

Sara, I’m so glad. No one is more deserving of a good treat than you! It’s an addictive slope though, i still have my first Chanel i bought years ago, still in its dust bag. The addiction can turn to shoes though, first louboutins and now my obsession is the Valentino rockstuds- I’ve got them in all colours, heeled and flat.

Aside from my shoe and bag addiction (all paid for by my dear self, thank you). Today my anger is still bubbling. The day started badly, a vivid dream of my beating this ow up, whoever she may be (this stereotype of Latino women can be right at times, i can be feisty). Then it’s usually his day to see the kids. S was all excited knowing he’d be coming. He didn’t show. No I’ve explanation, just a no show. I tried to stop my anger and active mind (probably spending his day wooing his “woman”, prioritising her over the kids). I wanted to ring him and let all hell out. Then a part of me thought “maybe this is what he wants”. It’d be justification to a narcissist to brand me as his crazy ex. So i didn’t. I left him. Do you guys think i did the right thing? I just cracked on with my day and had fun with the kids.

I will say here though. He is a narcissistic, bigamist, horrible man.

[NicoleR]

Cherry, I'll try to write a longer post about your whole situation soon but regarding today. I guess it's best to not call and let all hell out. One time I took a video of my daughter standing on the balcony crying for her father, calling out his name, and I sent it to him. I didn't say anything else. His response? "Stop making me feel terrible." Yesterday when my husband called to say he couldn't come because he was working on his huge five bedroom mansion where he lives alone I only said a few words. I don't even remember what they were, but I could feel the stress in my body and the resentment and sadness and every possible feeling all at once. I can't imagine being such a bad human being. How can you prioritize a house over a beautiful child? If that's even what he was doing...

I do think you need to do something though. If there's any older man (father, uncle, friend, Imam) in your family or community I'd have them call up your husband and say all the things you wish to say to shame him and direct him towards change. Whereas you have very little influence, a respected man in the community would have a lot of influence, if there's anyone like that.

I hope you got through the rest of the day with your kids. They need so much love, so much enrichment, so much help to prepare them for this tough world we live in. It feels impossible sometimes to set aside our own problems to focus on them. I keep trying every day with my daughter but when she goes to bed my mind just tries to make sense of how we ended up in this situation and how I didn't prevent it.