I do not see anything terribly FUBARRED there. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and mozy on. I see it more truth darts than anything and it really gives you an insight into MLCers brain. Crazy and mixed up.
Revert beck to Sandi's rules. Do not trust anything they say...
Did you not see the part about me being a big sobbing crybaby? I would say that was pretty FUBAR! And it wasn't even that I was tryign to get pity or win some affection...I genuinely was overwhelmed with emotion and couldn't contain it anymore.
I call no foul and no penalty on the play. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and on yer bike...
You are VERY new to the whole SHITTY situation. Give yourself a break. In the whole slime ball of things I wouldn't even call a 5 yrd penalty, not even a loss of down...
Did you not see the part about me being a big sobbing crybaby? I would say that was pretty FUBAR! And it wasn't even that I was tryign to get pity or win some affection...I genuinely was overwhelmed with emotion and couldn't contain it anymore.
I was, too. You did nothing wrong. Being a left behind isn't fun. As my ex told me in one of my FUBARs as you say, "you've only been doing this for a little bit, I've been doing it much longer." Tells you something right there.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
My reading of your exchange is ... positive. Your W still loves you, she missed you, and even wants you back.
The question is whether you are going to be that person whom she can admire and desire.
I realize I can't see the full picture through an Internet forum, but you appear to be acting like a mopey, sad, victim. Your wife nailed it. You are acting like a victim. You are a victim -- but it doesn't matter. You HAVE to stop acting like it. Fake it if you have to, but start acting like someone your W would be drawn to.
When your W complained about the TV, you should have validated -- let her know you hear her frustration. Then left it at that.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
"Anyway, one thing led to another and I basically told her that I knew she was at OM's house almost every night. She of course was angry saying that I was stalking her ect...(for the record I haven't driven up to OM's house in months, but I did in the beginning). It was pretty much silent after that because she was so angry. She actually said "when did you become the victim in this?!?!" indicating that she is the real victim...She also told me that her best friend (me) had died in all of this, and that I am now a person she wouldn't tell anything to. That one hurts!
When she went to leave with the dog, she came up to give me a hug and she started to cry; not an extreme uncontrollable cry but defintely crying...I absolutely lost it. I turned into a sobbing mess. Dear god, will I ever do anything right? I just set myself back to the beginning basically I assume."
The "one thing led to another" is the bit to watch out for really. If you had merely validated and avoided getting into R talks, the visit may have turned out differently perhaps?
I agree with the other posters that your W does still seem rather attached to you. BUT - please do not set much store by this...you truly don't want to be attached to someone who is actively conducting an affair with someone else. So, until or unless her actions indicate she is truly remorseful and wants to work on the marriage, stay your course.
You may want to consider limiting your contact with her until you can manage a greater level of composure. Please don't see yourself as set back to zero - but you already know that crying, begging, pleading, rationalising and so on don't work and could harm your cause. But all isn't lost - pick yourself up and dust off - re-read the 37 rules and apply...
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
"Anyway, one thing led to another and I basically told her that I knew she was at OM's house almost every night. She of course was angry saying that I was stalking her ect...(for the record I haven't driven up to OM's house in months, but I did in the beginning). It was pretty much silent after that because she was so angry. She actually said "when did you become the victim in this?!?!" indicating that she is the real victim...She also told me that her best friend (me) had died in all of this, and that I am now a person she wouldn't tell anything to. That one hurts!
When she went to leave with the dog, she came up to give me a hug and she started to cry; not an extreme uncontrollable cry but defintely crying...I absolutely lost it. I turned into a sobbing mess. Dear god, will I ever do anything right? I just set myself back to the beginning basically I assume."
The "one thing led to another" is the bit to watch out for really. If you had merely validated and avoided getting into R talks, the visit may have turned out differently perhaps?
I agree with the other posters that your W does still seem rather attached to you. BUT - please do not set much store by this...you truly don't want to be attached to someone who is actively conducting an affair with someone else. So, until or unless her actions indicate she is truly remorseful and wants to work on the marriage, stay your course.
You may want to consider limiting your contact with her until you can manage a greater level of composure. Please don't see yourself as set back to zero - but you already know that crying, begging, pleading, rationalising and so on don't work and could harm your cause. But all isn't lost - pick yourself up and dust off - re-read the 37 rules and apply...
Good advice sotto I agree,when in this sitch u can't help making mistakes its impossible, we've all done it,and I believe these mistakes don't make a lot of difference,their on a mission to try and find a better life,and think that will fix them,
Me 56 w52 M30 years 4x adult kids W dad died/11 W wanted d 03/12 In-house sep 03/12 D 2014 I pushed W Left on 02/16 I pushed Pa on 07/16 Nc after 07/16 W Cakeating 15to16 Me doormat 12to16 Limbo 12to16
You may want to consider limiting your contact with her until you can manage a greater level of composure. Please don't see yourself as set back to zero - but you already know that crying, begging, pleading, rationalising and so on don't work and could harm your cause. But all isn't lost - pick yourself up and dust off - re-read the 37 rules and apply...
^This. And I may add, if you don't have any hobbies, find something you are interested in. Even if it going back to something from your childhood. For me, one of the things that helped me was model building - you got that right, model airplanes/ships. In the midst of the worst of times, I happened into a store that sold model planes. I think I looked over them for an hour, reminiscing. Ended up buying a P-51. Been hooked ever since. Now, I've also branched out into the wooden sailing ships (am building the Constitution). What I'm getting at, is find something you like and go with it, whether it be from your childhood or whatever. Just something that requires concentration. Or fun. Or whatever.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
Hi everyone, it's been a few days since I gave an update. I've been doing much better at the GAL activities! This has really helped ease my mind at times. However, I want to tell you all about a little "situation" that occured Sunday and continued this morning. There has been very little contact between WW and I since our last little cryfest. Sunday she told me she had to go shopping near the house and she asked if I would like her to drop the dog off to hang out for a bit while she did this. I said yes, because I will never turn down time with my little dude! She dropped him off and asked if I needed anything from the grocery store. I told her a couple small things I could use and she left. A few minutes later I thought of one additional thing so I called her to tell her. At this point she asked if I would "just like to come with her". I said no, because the whole point of her coming was to let me see the dog and if I went with her that negated the point. She said OK. When she returned she told me that I could keep the dog for a few hours and just bring him back to her apartment later that night. I told her no (I didnt give a reason, but the reason was that I still had a lot to do that evening to get ready for work...and I still had to exercise). She then followed that up with "So are you done?" I was perplexed..I said "done with what?". She said "done with us?" Again, perplexed I said "no, what makes you think something like that, I'd really like to understand your thoughts/feelings on this?" She said she had "presented me with 2 opportunities to spend time with her" (grocery store and drop dog off at apartment) and I "threw them back in her face". I was absolutely baffled! I just said I hate that you feel that way and it was certainly not my intention to make you feel this way. We hugged she started crying a little and she left.
Fast forward to today: I wake up to a text from her saying: W: I truly thing your done with the relationship and just won't say it. Your responses to me are extremely short/without substance and you NEVER reach out to me anymore...not even just to say hello ME: Well this was not fun to wake up to W: Sorry, but I've been thinking about this since yesterday and didn't want to bother you. I'm basically close to tears every waking moment of the day and I don't know what to do in life. My sis has been pushing me to move closer to her and even found me a job. Me: I feel the same way about the tears every waking moment of the day. I wish I could change that for both of us. Regarding the move I suppose youhave to do whats best for you W: I don't want to move but its nice to know you're ok with me moving. Me: I'm not ok with you moving, but I don't get a say W: You don't? So you have given up. I've presented you with opportunities over the past few weeks (grocery store and bring dog back to apartment) and you've thrown them back in my face Me: I don't feel like I have given up. I hate that you feel that way.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
