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She moved out...now the work begins...Part 4

Kind of a weird week...the last couple of days the W has called and spewed about her relationship with her "crazy" sister that is spreading rumors about the W and also how manipulative the sister and BIL are. Today has been quiet. I guess she has something filling her time instead of stewing on the issues at hand.

This morning I received an invite to a get together by some friends of ours. It was an invite that went out to alot of people all of who are friends of ours and all of whom are married couples. The W and I both received invites to go. She replied to the group that she was going. I only replied to the person that sent the invite. It'll be interesting to see if she shows by herself.

Kind of gut checking myself on this one. Do I have the courage to go to the party without telling her I am going? I don't think she'd bring anyone else around this group of people, but then again...I didn't think she'd do all of this to me and my family.

Last edited by job; 01/19/17 01:52 PM. Reason: Added the link to the previous thread

Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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SBJ.....

I'm sorry that your wife is spewing all of that onto you. Isn't it crazy how everything becomes about them, and they seem to forget that we are dealing with a failing M and that sometimes we are only holding on by a string.

I haven't spoken to my husband recently, but the last time I did the conversation was all about him and how he is so busy at work and how he has started to socialize. I asked him if he could help with the dog and he said he could but he made sure to let me know that he had plans and was really busy and would do his best to help out. But what I have come to learn is that he is actually not enjoying life as much as he says he is and is at home at night alone and is struggling financially. I guess that statement "believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does" is true.

I wish you well as you continue on this journey. I hope that she lets up on the spewing smile.

Hang in there my friend. One day at a time.

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Everything is all about them...you are right. Even though she feels like she spent the last 20+ years taking care of everyone else like her sisters, her parents, her kids, and her family...like most people do day in and day out. I never put any demands on her regarding anything...we never fought over the house, money, kids, work...nothing like that. Our only issue was the regularity in the romance department. Now she says she has finally grown some b@lls and isn't going to take $#!^ from anyone again. The problem is...why am I getting screwed...or not screwed in this case? Selfishness has raised its head in her case and it is definitely not pretty.

Now the only things she wants to discuss questions regarding my attorney and how fast we can push this D thru. It is burning me up. I guess I'm cycling back thru some anger. I've spent 25 years with the most giving woman on the planet (I thought) and now she is becoming a selfish &!^(#.

Now I'm spewing...I'm sorry for that. I guess this is a safe place to do it, instead of letting her have it.

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You do have a choice as to whether you discuss the situation concerning the divorce proceedings w/her. If I were in your shoes, I would cut her off very nicely and advise her that you aren't going to be discussing the divorce and where it's at w/her. In other words, she can address these issues w/her lawyer and go from there. Don't allow this woman to take you down into the dark hole w/her. You do have the choice of cutting her off when she's out of control or nasty.

I'm sorry she's acting this way, but she thinks the divorce is going to bring her happiness and it's not...but that's for her to figure out.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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On the contrary job...when she was spewing about other people she sounded nasty. When she speaks to me she is as nice as pie. It's not that she is mean about it...she just knows that I don't think that D is the answer yet she is still wanting it. I guess I haven't totally detached since the thought of ripping my entire family apart makes me angry. haha.

I am battling my demons of my own creation I guess...I have faith that God will see my family thru this successfully, yet I get that doubt that pokes his head in every so often regarding she and I. I also continue to have friends of mine come to me asking if I'm OK and then asking me if what they've heard was true. I have gotten to the point of simply shutting them down by asking them to pray for my family. The problem isn't having them come to me, the problem is the fact that there are rumors still floating around and seem to be getting stronger...about the W and that she left me because of OM.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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SBJ,

You are going to have dig deeper for patience and stronger faith because the rumors will continue to float around for quite some time. You have done nothing wrong and when people ask about the situation, advise them that whatever is happening in the lives of your family will stay amongst the family members. Yes, it's good to ask them to pray for your family as well.

You can't control the people spreading rumors about the situation, but you can stand tall, hold your head up and continue to be the honest, hardworking man that you've always been.

I do understand the feelings of anger because you know that deep down, your marriage can be salvaged if given a chance. She's just not there yet to actually see and understand that you aren't the problem...the problem is within herself.

Carry on as you have been. Hopefully people will get the message that what is going on in your life is private and not for public consumption.

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Originally Posted By: SBJ
Everything is all about them...you are right. Even though she feels like she spent the last 20+ years taking care of everyone else like her sisters, her parents, her kids, and her family...like most people do day in and day out. I never put any demands on her regarding anything...we never fought over the house, money, kids, work...nothing like that. Our only issue was the regularity in the romance department. Now she says she has finally grown some b@lls and isn't going to take $#!^ from anyone again. The problem is...why am I getting screwed...or not screwed in this case? Selfishness has raised its head in her case and it is definitely not pretty.

Now the only things she wants to discuss questions regarding my attorney and how fast we can push this D thru. It is burning me up. I guess I'm cycling back thru some anger. I've spent 25 years with the most giving woman on the planet (I thought) and now she is becoming a selfish &!^(#.

Now I'm spewing...I'm sorry for that. I guess this is a safe place to do it, instead of letting her have it.


I've been lurking in your thread for a while because my W says the same things to me and I am also in the process of negotiating our separation agreement. I wish I had advice or words of encouragement, but just know you are not alone.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
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Originally Posted By: job
SBJ,

You are going to have dig deeper for patience and stronger faith because the rumors will continue to float around for quite some time. You have done nothing wrong and when people ask about the situation, advise them that whatever is happening in the lives of your family will stay amongst the family members. Yes, it's good to ask them to pray for your family as well.


Excellent advice on the rumors.

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Thanks job...you are a great help with putting things into perspective.

Kind of funny...the friends invite for this weekend changed to dinner at a local restaurant, but they were wondering where we could all go to visit afterwards. I offered my house. Once they sent out the invite change, that read SBJ has offered his house for the gathering...I received a call from the W asking if I minded if she come to the house. I told her I didn't mind. It is a kids also event so it'll be nice to have the entire family back under my roof...at least for a while. Totally wanted to say that I didn't mind her in the house because I didn't want her to leave it in the first place. haha. It is funny/sad how their minds work.


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
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If she shows up, be gracious and treat her just as you would your other guests. This will be the time to put on your best behavior as an actor for she will definitely be observing how you are around her and others.

I suggest that you get some nice smelling air fresheners and place them around your home. You want her to leave w/the reminder of how nice your home smells. I would also have some goodies there for your guests, i.e., cookies, etc. You don't have to get elaborate stuff, but have some nice nibbles. Again, this is the time to shine!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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