2017 - New year - same MLC but I'm moving along

[Sotto]

Just to chime in on this, I think a lot of it is about seeking unconditional love and acceptance - and perhaps they gravitate back to where they came from in search of that.

Perhaps they didn't feel unconditionally loved as a child...and their level of self worth and self love is low - and then that validation is sought externally....and so on...

It is common for people to feel an 'impostor' in their own lives - ie: I shouldn't really be here and someone will discover that soon...again, which has foundations in low confidence.

Anyway - Irish, glad to hear you and your girls had a good festive season - and I hope 2017 is a great year for you all.

Xx

[mirage]

Irish,

Yes you are better off. It shows in how you handle yourself and I would make a guess you feel much better on your inside world which translates to your outer world.

Mirage

[Irish M]

Hi Bttrfly :-) , D14 is doing good. we are still waiting.It is her 2nd day back to school so she is still taking it easy. I am supposed to get a call this week.

We had an amazing last week off. Old part of the city had fireworks and skating outside. Fire and ice. Also the horseback riding, movie marathon, friends over and a trip to Ottawa to see some family friends.

Peace and Bright :-) its ok to laugh at my XW OM. I scratch my head and chuckle at it myself. If you saw his picture where he is smiling and only 2-3 teeth are showing and they are not white... you'd say wow. and the pics of the guys she had EA's with are scary. When i think back to a picture of her boyfriend she had at 16, he was much, much older and not the type you'd bring home to meet parents. She even said to me , what wqas i thinking. I was clearly a lost case lol. So I guess she returned to that period in her life. Criminal,Bad and ugly.

maybe its the reason why she doesn't reach out to the girls, to protect them from it. who knows.

Hi Sotto :-). yes she has gravitated back to somewhere. She has her moms blessing and full support. Her mom even said she was happy to have her daughter back.. after all these years. I guess my Daughters will connect with their mom in their late 30's. XW has so much to look forward to. In the mean time she is missing out.


Hi Mirage :-) yes I am better off. My friends tell me often these day that I look happy again. At peace. We don't talk about XW and my friends know not to bring up the topic as I have no interest in talking about it. I even get the great compliments on my girls and to me that's what its all about.

I currently keep all my XW talk here.

Nothing more to add. XW is quiet , which is good. Her birthday is at the end of the month. Let's cross our fingers she stays quiet.

Irish

[peacetoday]

HI Irish


Glad you are doing well
I do think they may stay away to protect us
on some level they know what they are doing and may not really want the kids around
MY xh was always a very hands on dad pre
MLC
especially with our first
after MLC he became strictly a Disney dad then disappeared and still gone like 7 years later
It takes a while for some
but thank God we move on
If they come too there is always a possibility to healing the r
maybe not reconciliation but possibly friendship

[Irish M]

Hi peace :-)

I too am at the point of no reconciliation. I however promised my girls if their mom does wake up I will be there for them. Right now they don't want to face her alone if she did want to.
Maybe years from now my daughters will chose to connect with her by themselves.

I did speak to the doctors about D14 condition. There is no rush to do anything unless her symptoms get worse. She did have an episode last week but was able to get it under control pretty quick. So waiting game until they clear their backlog of the Christmas break.

As for my MLC'r . Her birthday is next week. Is it ironic, it falls on mental health awareness day. Touching a lot on depression. There is a huge blitz about it on tv and of course Facebook

Maybe I'll post something like:
Jan 25, mental health day, affects more than just the person who is depressed but Also those closest to them. We lived it.

Joking of course . I won't post anything. I'll take the girls to a movie :-)

[Irish M]

Hope everyone is good.
my updates are getting further and further apart.. which is good.

XW birthday yesterday. The d's chose not to send her any messages since XW missed 2 of their birthdays already. I did ask them if they wanted to reach out. I got the you got to be kidding me look.

XW did message me though today.

she says : Hi, feels great to be 40. Love my life , love how i live now with the freedom. With my boyfiend, my friends. its great.

She continues : I also realize that i could never meet your expectations. you didn't love me. Our marriage was fake. Why would you love me. You said you loved me everyday but i didn't feel it. so I left.

she goes on: I dress how I want to ( her dad last told me she is now dressing like a hooker on a low budget), I workout 4 - 5 times a week (last i heard , she put on 30lbs and is a chain smoker)

She also said she is into photography now. Funny with me she never touched any of my cameras.I have 4 to play with. I was the photographer and still am. She would get annoyed that I needed to take so long for my pics. lol.

not sure why she needed to tell me how happy she was. I guess she has to believe her own fake life. It's sad.

No mention of the daughters, no concern about D14 ( still waiting for update from the hospital)

I replied a simple ."Good for you. happy birthday. Happy life without kids and responsibilities"

I thought about her message all day. somehow as the day went on it got under my skin. Did I really need that message. I'm working and messages from her only seem to come at the worst time and bring me down.

So I broke my rule in writing to her. I wrote her an email from my email I use for junk.

me: Going forward please use this email address for any correspondence with me. Your rants are not welcome on my phone via text and during my time of work. (I then blocked all possible contact from her through my phone and work email, limiting that one email address at home)

I also said: I will not listen to your crap about our past relationship. no point in discussing it we have different views and memories.

I will only email you concerning new health issues for the girls. D14 you know about already you can inquire about her when you want.

I will send you travel forms 2 weeks before any travel abroad. Please have it filled out within 7 days or I will have to send it to the lawyers and you can cover their fees.


I ended it on that. boundaries I needed to put into place for my own sanity.

and crickets from her as a response..

next important date is mothers day. Please pray for me.

Irish

[peacetoday]

Irish

sorry-
She is so insensitive..she acts like a child
never asking= only boasting
no regard for your feelings or the girls

shows you the mind of the teen like MLCer
and all her lies mostly to herself
they live in denial

Im glad you blocked her

Just take care of yourself-
either one day she will snap out or not
but as for now she seems in replay and will probably be spinning there for a while

I wonder how she will feel when she realizes you are not available and can't get through to you
I think it is a good choice at this point-
let her know you are done playing games

[bttrfly]

xoxoxoxo hugs
i'm sorry

i for one could use updates every so often just to say hi... just saying ....

it's astounding how out in left field they are. hard to remember at times like these that it's an illness - theirs, not ours.

courage mon brave xo

[Kyh]

Hi Irish, sorry you got her spew. They really know how to try to pull strings to affect us. Looking back a few post I think you knew it was coming when you mentioned her bday coming up.

.
not sure why she needed to tell me how happy she was. I guess she has to believe her own fake life. It's sad.

Reading what she said I couldn't help thinking she is seeing you and your Ds doing well and wants you to be as miserable as her.

Take care, thinking of you and your Ds.

[job]

Irish,

I'm sorry she's still flip flopping all over the place. To me, it sounds like she's trying to convince everyone and yes, even herself, that she's happy and has done the right thing. When people tend to brag like that, they are looking for validation and attention. Poor thing, she's miserable as the dickens and she truly wants attention for you and the girls. She, in her confused little mind, knows that she messed up big time.

I'm glad you finally set some boundaries and gave her an address to which she can reply. You don't need her sending this type of stuff to your phone or computer.

I do hope that you and the girls at doing okay.