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Ok...
First let me apologize for having taken so long to respond. My W was gone Th-Sat, we had suoerbowl her on Sunday and I've been working my its off with the kids.
Gordie, thanks for the kind words. My short term goals are: workout, work, focus on kids, stay calm and stay happy. Long term goals: prepare for the worst! (Start looking at job opportunities back home and look into housing options and how I will support my children and myself if and when we move. this preparation has been helping me GAL and act "as if". No matter how good it looks at times I know she can't be trusted right now, so I believe planning for a future without her is the best thing I can do for my kids and myself.
My goals for this week. Stay calm, create a cheery home environment, validate when needed, spend family time together (W included).
You'll see where this is headed in a sec.

Sandi2,
She's exhibited all the Classic textbook behaviors and markers of MLC.
1. The passions gone.
2. I love you but I'm not in love with you.
3. I need my independence.
4. We got together to young, I didn't have a chance to experience anything.
5. I need space.
6. I want to focus on my career.
7. Excessively shopping for clothes.
8. Comes home and goes to her room, closes the door, puts music on.
9. Walks around the house with headphones on.
10. Ignores kids, only focuses on what she wants.
11. Travels for work and party's every night she's out.
12. Drinks excessively
13. Wants to travel more, even though it's hurting children.
14. Works out obsessively (even though she's in tremendous shape)
15. Does all this but comes home from trips and wants to talk about her
Accomplishments like a kid looking for praise.
Sandi2, she also reacts the way an MLC'et would act when chased, (as I was guilty of this in the past before I found these boards).
Whether she's in a PA of an EA is yet to be seen. I don't believe she's having either. But if she is I believe I'm doing the right things for now to help to understand she's got a better home here and the grass isn't always greener. I've seen guilt in her eyes from time to time (I know this passes quickly in MLC). But I think the more she feels it the more it will have an impact to on her. The guilt relates to our kids, not really me.
Thanks for taking the time to ask though, I appreciate it.
What do you think? MLC?
Let me know
AK8

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Alaska,

Few questions, my friend:

Quote:
(Start looking at job opportunities back home and look into housing options and how I will support my children and myself if and when we move.


I read this as if you and the kids would move to a different location. How would this affect any custody she will get?


Quote:
1. The passions gone.
2. I love you but I'm not in love with you.
3. I need my independence.


Standard from all.
Quote:
4. We got together to young, I didn't have a chance to experience anything.


That's entirely possible and not indicative of a MLC.

Quote:
5. I need space.
6. I want to focus on my career.


Space = leave me alone; as is career.

Quote:
7. Excessively shopping for clothes.
8. Comes home and goes to her room, closes the door, puts music on.
9. Walks around the house with headphones on.


Uh oh. Flags for EA/PA

The rest seem to markers for MLC. Or maybe she just wants out.

Quote:
The guilt relates to our kids, not really me.


Bingo.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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So...
Back then my continuing story.
As you know last week she was going to have a big work presentation. Well on Wednesday night she calls the kids. My D asks when she's getting home. She tells my D not till Saturday. As soon as they get off the phone my D starts crying. I wasn't aware she was staying at the hotel all week either.
After comforting my D I called my W and said WTF?
She tells me, " I asked you last night don't you think it's better that I stay at the hotel instead of coming all the way home?". I said, "yes but we were all under the impression it was for Friday night only".
Anyway, these important ppl were staying here all week and she had to entertain them. The next day I texted her to call me and she did. I told her, "listen, you kinda caught us off guard last night telling us you weren't coming home all week, D was very sad, but we understand you have a lot going on with this Summit and we want you not to worry about us, we're fine. I talked to the kids and told them you had some very important work things going on. Let's just get passé this weekend and next week we'll go out and do family stuff." She said," THANK YOU VERY MUCH, I want to do that, yes we will" I said ok, good luck with everything and hung up. She called the kids each night or texted me each night once she got back to her room. I didn't track her, check phone records or spy on her in any way. And when she got back I didn't ask any questions, just let her tell me what she wanted to tell me about her Summit. She had a lot t say and I had to validate a lot.
Things we fine on Saturday, she got back early. I worked until we had to leave for a birthday party. As y'all know I've been working out. I'm down to 250, which for me looks slim. AND BOY DID I HEAR AT THE PARTY!!!
I went out and bought new jeans, size 40! Haven't fit into 40's in years. Plus hardly do any cardio, I've lost all my weight through Heavy Lifting and dieting. I got dressed downstairs, put cologne on, came upstairs to ask her a question, and upon seeing me immeadiately says, "OMG you look nice!". I said thanks and went back to asking my question.
At the party everyone was commenting on how good I looked. She looked impressed and was treated me very nicely. I was in the middle of talking to someone, I was seated and she was standing next to me and noticed I had something on my eyebrow. She gently reaches down and removes it while I'm still talking to this other person. Other light touching happens throught the day and evening. And we talk real nice to eachother.
Next day is Suprbowl. She gets drunk and acts obnoxious, laughing loud, being flirty, etc. but still is being nice to me. All she can talk about is her trips and work and where she's been and where she's going and that she leaves not tired of traveling. Hurts my kids feelings to hear her talk and act the way she does.
But she was drunk and I know these actions are just symptoms.
This morning she gave me a kiss goodbye.
I know we're not supposed to get all crazy about the little things. I try not to. I like them and i take enjoyment in them. But they don't rule my actions anymore.
I let my anger show the other day when I found out she was gonna be gone. But I quickly returned it beck to normal with, not an apology, but an excuse. This works better. Apologies only push them away, fuels their fire.
I don't offer gasoline anymore, I don't fan flames, I calmly let them burn themselves out.
Thanks for listening everyone.
AK8 out

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Hey Jeep,

Ya, if we moved back home I think she'd let me take the kids. I'd have to have everything squared away with living and transportation and everything, but I'm 99% sure she'd let me bring them with me. First they would want to come with me, of this I am 100% positively without a doubt in my mind sure, my son has already expressed this to me ( he's a smart kid and knows what's going on and what the possible consequences are).
Also, she couldn't take care of them with her job. She makes a lot of money but she travels way too much. Plus all of our family is back home. She would most likely help us in some way financially because she makes most of the money in this relationship. And she has the capability to fly down and visit them whenever she wants. It would work better for everyone in so many different ways if I took the kids back home. If it come down to that. Let's hope it doesn't.
Yes we did get together young. But coupled with all the other MLC signs I'd say this is just another thing on the list of MLC markers. She's trying to recapture her youth, trying to explore traveling and partying and socializing .. and that's all cool, I think she'll soon realize that those things aren't better than family life. She's got a good heart, it's just surrounded in fog right now. I have to be the searchlight, the beacon.
As for the shopping...I don't not really see them as flags for Ea or PA. She went shopping for new work clothes and casual wear as well. She loves to shop, period. And these times she me gone shopping, she always comes home and gets giddy to show me what she's got. We're not rich ppl by any means, but the ppl she's around on these trips are CEO's and Old Money Doctors and women who are high up on the food chain, so she's trying to impress. She wants to look good, that's how I see it. Plus she was going to CA. We're up north so she actually needed hot weather clothes.
Trust me, although, I don't want to believe she's talking to someone else, I'm still worried. But what can I do? I'm not asking her anymore. She's told me she isn't and I'm gonna choose to believe that, cause that makes me feel better. Helps me GAL. I'm no good when I'm obsessing.
Last night she told me during her yearly evaluation by her boss (real old nice man), that she would be a great candidate to go on a pilgrimage to Guatemala to help the needy. Another trip..siggghhhh. But I validated awesome," wow that's great, I hope you get it!" Because, it's getting to where it's easier for us when she's not around!!! That [censored] right? But for now we will struggle and survive. And if I have to suffer these symptom of hers, I will, if for nothing else than my kids sake.
I'm gonna just keep preparing for the worst and act like everything's good.
Stay Calm and weather the storm.
Thanks Jeep!
AK8

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Alaska,

I do hope that I was wrong in initial readings. However, some of the things appear way to often on here. Just don't be blind for what you don't want to see.

Fair winds and following seas, my friend.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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No worries Jeep. I think I'm on the right track.
I know the possibilities are endless and I know that there are other methods to go about this, I'm just comfortable right now with this approach.
She very well may be in an EA or even a PA..
I just choose, for my family and my well being to believe that she's telling me the truth. Right now, at least, it's the only way I've been able to cope and GAL.
The more I obsess the more lonely and depressed I feel.
We just had a great family dinner after having gone to the gym.
We talked nice. She did mention she was going to be traveling at the end of February. Normally this would upset me. But I don't feel upset right now.
And I don't think I will get upset. I can't control what she does
Who she's with or where she goes. All I can do is be the best I can be for me and my kids and try to show her through my actions, accomplishments and being the "lighthouse" that this is where she belongs.
Cause I want her more than anything.....at least right now.
I guess if that ever changes I will adapt.
Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
That's my motto.
Thanks Jeep, your considerations and insights do help.
And I appreciate everyone's input.
AK8

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Quote:
just choose, for my family and my well being to believe that she's telling me the truth. Right now, at least, it's the only way I've been able to cope and GAL.


I had those blinders on, too. It's easier to not want to see things than deal with them.

Quote:
Normally this would upset me. But I don't feel upset right now.
And I don't think I will get upset. I can't control what she does
Who she's with or where she goes. All I can do is be the best I can be for me and my kids and try to show her through my actions, accomplishments and being the "lighthouse" that this is where she belongs.


Very, very good to hear. You are doing better than you think, my friend.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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So the weekend went well.
Just kinda been trying to be happy and uninterested at the same time.
We did family night at the movies and all went well.
John Wick 2 is excellent.
We were supposed to go out Saturday night with her cousin and some friends.
I was not looking forward to this as this would've put us in a kind of date situation.
When it was first brought up last weekend by her cousin I immeadiately said,
"If W wants to go I'll stay behind and watch their S (he's a baby and our soon to be Godson)".
I think my W remembered my reluctance at the idea of going to this thing becaus while we were at he movies she suggested we both stay home and watch their baby.
We did and I've got say I think we had a better time doing that then we would have if we'd gone out. She was calling me Babe all night. Being cordial at times but at other times she would be overly nice.
We even had some laughs, like we did before all this crap.
We went to bed, with the baby between us. It was remiscent of how we slept with our children. It was a good feeling.
The next morning, today, we woke up and started having conversations with her cousin and his wife about the night before. They stayed the night.
It was a fun morning, full of laughter.
As she passes me by our kitchen counter she runs her hand across my abdomen and ends up touching my arm and her hand goes all the way down to my hand, I grabbed her finger with my fingers and she left it there for a second before I let go. This may not seem like much but it was the most touching I think we've done since she BD.
As the morning progressed we got to talking about visiting home. She said she wants to go with me to Fiesta, in Texas. I'm not sure if y'all remember me mentioning that I had expressed , to her surprise, that I was planning on flying back for this event.
For her to want to come with me is a big deal. I was totally taken aback by this, BUT I DIDNT SHOW IT!
Anyway, it was a very quick short statement, I was careful not to ask questions or comment. I just," oh..ok cool".
This will be a big week for us. This will be happening in April. We'll be getting a hotel for the stay.
We all had breakfast, and some mimosas (her cousin and wife needed a little hair of the dog)
I had some work to do so I went down to the garage for a few hours. She worked On the bills and her cousin slept off his hangover.
When I came up I told my D and her little cousin to get ready to go swwimmimg at the gym.
My W was gonna go get a massage, I had known this already.
Before she left she came to give me a kiss goodbye, something she's been doing lately.
It was a good weekend I must say.
Hope it lasts..
Hope i last.
AK8

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Alaska,

Sounds like a good weekend! Keep it up, my friend!


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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I'm not sure I am understanding something here...

And please don't misunderstand, I think that you are doing really well considering your timeline...

I see that you are doing really well with your words, however I am not sure that your actions are matching up with them.

I see a lot of words, talking of being you, and just focusing on the kids....

Then I see a lot more words, where you are focused on what she is doing, who she is with, wondering how she will react...

Mostly looking over your shoulder to see if what you are doing, is affecting what she is doing...

IF....and that is a big "IF"...she is really MLC, then nothing you do or say will change anything, yet everything that you so or say can affect everything...

Make sense ??

So maybe help me understand if you are really the guy who is "getting" this, or are you the guy that is just doing enough so that your WAS will take notice....

One of you would be pretty awesome, the other would be pretty manipulative...



Jeep asked earlier about establishing some goals....

I would be interested in seeing what those are....

AK, I am intrigued by your posts. I am also intrigued by how well you seem to be doing with this...


So, where are you at in AK ???

Or are you 4 hours from AK, as some call it....???

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