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Quote:
I was all set to respond and then I saw my female alter ego Ginger beat me to it it. But, yeah, if you are leading her on or lying to her, that's not cool and it will be on you, at least partly, if she gets hurt. However, if you are honest and straight forward with her then it's on her. Just be honest. Beyond that her happiness or any responsibility for it is not on you. A simple, "I'm not at all looking to get back in a R with you or with anyone else at this point. I'd love to spend another weekend together in the spring if you're interested. Im just not looking for more than that." From there it's on her. You are not responsible - just need to be honest.


I know. I have been honest and upfront. Maybe her reasoning is that she just wanted to see, after all, some pretty heavy stuff was revealed. Who knows.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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As usual, I showed up late to the party, but I agree with what everyone before me said. As long as you have been honest with her, and it sounds like you have from your accounts, the rest is on her. How she feels/reacts is not your responsibility. Though, in all fairness, when you are a kind and caring person, it is sometimes hard to separate those things.

Good luck with however this all goes down. smile


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Another thing, might I add.....

Have your actions match your words.

Yes, be honest. It's on her after that. But it is certainly confusing when your actions show something other than your words.

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YES!!!! What Ginger said! smile



Originally Posted By: Ginger1
Another thing, might I add.....

Have your actions match your words.

Yes, be honest. It's on her after that. But it is certainly confusing when your actions show something other than your words.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
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Hi Dawn70! Thanks for stopping by in what probably is the oddest thread on the site...haha

Glad you did!

Quote:
Though, in all fairness, when you are a kind and caring person, it is sometimes hard to separate those things.


It is very, very hard to do. I found myself also getting a little attached and caught up...I think that's what I was referring to in not wanting to hurt Harely Quinn again. While I really do want to see her, I want to make sure that my mind is in the right place if this were to proceed any more and especially if it were to get to that level she wanted so long ago.

I will say that the time spent together was amazing and it really helped lift my spirits. Maybe its a good thing that she lives so far away.

Last night we were talking a bit and she was saying how much she wanted us to go mountain biking again in the north GA hills. We did that a few times back then. Now, granted she can't bring her bike so I told her she could ride my ex's Specialized. Kind of got a groan out of that but it is a nice bike. The ex doesn't use it anymore and hasn't put any time on it since we were up north, anyway. Maybe that will be a spring/summer thing. We'll see.

Oh, and here is a funny tidbit (well, maybe to me anyway) - Harley tagged me in a photo on FB and the ex saw it. Hilarity ensued...


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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Quote:
Yes, be honest. It's on her after that. But it is certainly confusing when your actions show something other than your words.


Oh, I know that, Ginger. I told her upfront, but I also showed her the attention she wanted, I guess you can say. It's a very fine line at times and one easily crossed. We did have several talks - after all, how could we not? She understands fully and I'm wondering if it really does seem as if she wants to take this further.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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I'm new to this side of the forum and but it sounds to me like your head is screwed on very right and that you're thinking of all sides of this situation, which I think is to be commended.

Bravo!


Previously known as ss06
Kid: D9
M: 12 yrs together 18
D final: pending

"These mountains that you are carrying, you were only supposed to climb."
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Hi Courage! Welcome to the Harley Quinn Files...haha, just kidding. Thanks for stopping by! And I love the screen name, by the way!

Quote:
I'm new to this side of the forum and but it sounds to me like your head is screwed on very right and that you're thinking of all sides of this situation, which I think is to be commended.

Bravo!


I would like to say thank you, but I'm not quite sure about that, haha. I'm still wading through the murky waters with no shore in sight.

Honestly, divorce [censored] big time.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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AMEN! Yes, yes it does. Glad I'm not the only one who thinks that. Lol

Honestly, divorce [censored] big time. [/quote]


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 2,937
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I really hate things and this divorce now. It's like I'm in limbo land. I'm kind of stuck now, for lack of better words, and I'm not sure on all of it.

For as much as my ex put me through, I will say that part of me will always love her. Always. She wasn't always bad - heck, outside of her affair she never was bad...maybe broken is the better term to use. Yeah, I'll go with broken. I'm not using that to excuse her actions, but knowing her past allows me to say that her actions/reactions aren't surprising. My IC (who was also our MC) described my ex's behaviors perfectly - everything can be linked back to her childhood (brutal doesn't even begin to describe...I've let on to a few things but there are so many that I won't ever disclose on here). The IC said it was like she is operating in her child survivor mode, hence her giving in and keeping things internal, never to come out. She's a chameleon, able to blend in and become invisible so perfectly that you wouldn't be able to tell.

With all that said, if it weren't for my children - and if I knew what I do now - I'm not so sure I would have married her. I'm angrier about the fact that was all withheld from me than I am about some of her actions. One should never hide things. Never.

Now, here comes the silly part. Knowing all of her past and how it controls her present and future, there is part of me that forgives everything. Everything. And within that part, I still love her. Which leads me down this dark and twisted path - part of me is afraid to enter into any relationship (be it Harley Quinn or someone else) because there is the thought of what if she decides to return? I know that given her past (one of the things she "bragged" about during MC was that when she leaves someone they NEVER get a second chance) the chances of her returning are about as good as me becoming president, but that thought lingers somewhere in the back of my mind. Maybe its just her ghost lurking just at the edge of the shadows. That is one of the things keeping me up at night.


There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
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