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ATPeace Offline OP
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Well I thought I would,check in as it has been a while

Things still have not moved very far for me and I just want to check out a couple of things.

So still living in the same house things are really starting to get strained between us every thing that I do is wrong or not good enough not as much as she would do yet I feel I am trying my best and getting absolutely zero recognition ...it is not even the recognition it is the fact that if I look after the children then I get what housework have you done if I do the housework and then I get what have you done with the children

All I get is criticised some would say if she is still doing this then a part of her still cares as she is sitill engaging with me all be it with bitterness.


So I am scared to move myself forward she has started the ball rolling,by seeing a solicitor and she has asked me to submit to them my financial information

I feel I deserve to be treated better than she is treating me even as two people sharing the same house I would spend some time with the other human being in the house.....even watching tv like we used to would be nice I am not asking To sleep with her she just does not give me anything.

So how do people get to the point of wanting out of this,...I still love her we were together for 27 years I really struggle to let her go it sounds totally controlling I just do not want to be on my own even on my own with two of our children,

I do not know how to get to the point of letting her go and know I will be ok

Any advice

Thank you
Ghost


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
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My kids asked me to make him leave so that made it easier for me. That and the fact that he was nasty to me 24/7 and blamed me and criticized me for everything I did. Much easier now that I rarely see or talk to him.

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Hi Ghost, your last post seems at odds with the post before...isn't the ball rolling anyway as you had an offer accepted on a house you liked? In that post, you seemed to have accepted the direction things were taking and that you were not trying to work on things.

Were you hoping you might just S and not D?

Just trying to understand where you are at with things...as you sounded like you had accepted things in your previous post...

smile


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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ATPeace Offline OP
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I guess I was hopeing that time would be a healer and that yes perhaps a separation but not a divorce would have been an option however for me to be able to purchase the new house I would need to have a financial agreement in place

I suppose another question is do I get the financials sorted before the divorce as a matter of safety

Thank you

Ghost


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Jan 2000
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job Offline
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Yes, start working on your financials. It is in your best interests to be thorough and have your documents in order.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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In my situation, I hoped to resolve the financials and S only.

However, XH suggested selling our main home (that suited me)
And I was advised only to sell as part of full financial settlement
XH only wanted to settle financials as part of divorce
And so he filed for D...

It suited me to settle the financials sooner rather than later, but I didn't really push that..

I think it is always best to have clear (written and with due legal advice) agreements in place upon S - ie: for financials, children and so on..

Time does help with the healing, and doing things for yourself, working on you, GAL all really help the healing too.

smile


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Hi Ghost , just my humble opinion but I think you confuse acceptance with being over it. Time will eventually give you acceptance but you may never get over it completely , that's a choice you have to make. In your last post there was reasonably good news, a new friend , house offer accepted and things moving forward. Did you ever read the books ? Do your share around the house obviously but don't over do it. Time with your kids is priceless so do as much of that a you can.

Expecting your W to want to watch tele with or things like that are not going to happen. Imagine the worst pupil you've had and you couldn't wait for them to get out of the car, that's how your W feels about you , that's hard to accept after all these years but right now it's true. Accept that and then treat W with respect but indifference. She's made herself clear and if she every changes her mind it will be down the road and right now you are the cause of all her problems and unhappiness. We now your not but that's how she feels.

G, we all get how you feel but you have choices in this , maybe not the ones you would like but you can help.yourself get through it quicker by not dwelling on the past or what might have been. You have a life to live and only you can choose to live it.

Protect yourself financially because this isn't the woman you married, be fair to her and yourself.

Take care, Rd

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I put in place financial agreement once we sold our marital home (not what I wanted) because I knew that ex is unstable financially ( still is to this day) and I wanted to protect my kids and myself. Best decision I have ever made.
You need to be secure financially for your kids.

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ATPeace Offline OP
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So a small update as to where I am right now

Our house is on the market but no offers yet
I have put an offer in on a house by the sea about 180 miles away from where I currently live

I have started building my business two days a week in Devon and this is going well

My W has contacted a solicitor and she told the solicitor that all she wants is half the value of our current house then her money is hers and my money is mine my cars are mine and her car is hers all sounds extremely fair

Our two older kids want to come and live with me and my younger children will live with their mum I will pay her maintance ...set out by the government I will have our younger children probably every other weekend younger holidays and also see them

My W wants to divorce I fight this and she wants seperate houses I still despite how clear she makes it to me that she is done with me and the marriage ...I still cannot get to this point


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Sep 2014
Posts: 2,227
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Hi G, the pain will easy with time and you can help by living your life and not just existing. Great news about your business but I do worry about your family and their siblings being so far apart. Stay strong mate and remember all the positives in your life and don't focus on the negatives.

Take care , Rd

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