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ATPeace Offline OP
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Hi Job you posted this in another thread ....The best thing you can do is to keep the focus on you and your family. There is absolutely nothing that will speed up MLC in a spouse. They have to complete the entire crisis and if they don't, they'll re-enter the crisis later, i.e., could be months or even years later, and it will be far worse than the first time around.

How do I know if my W is MLC or WAW or does it not really matter ?

Thank you


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
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Does your spouse exhibit depression and/or confusion? MLCers exhibit confusion and depression is the major ingredient. They tend to go off the rails, dress younger, change up hair styles, diet, spend money like water, exhibit a lot of anger in the beginning, think that a divorce is the answer to their prayers, detach from the spouse, children, pets, home, friends, etc. Is your spouse doing any of this?

You are the only one that tell if your spouse is in MLC. I would suggest that you read as much as you can on this forum, but no matter whether your spouse is in MLC or a WAW, we would still advice you to give them space and time and yes...keep the focus on you and your family. Affairs need to die a natural death and not by the hands of the betrayed spouse.

Here's are threads from many of years ago that may be of interest to you:

MLC or WAS - seems it doesn't much matter

MLC for Dummies

Last edited by job; 01/21/17 09:36 AM. Reason: Added a link to another thread

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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She is about the right age for MLC

You will know in time,,because usually the MLCer will get worse b4 better

MY xh Dyed his hair and brows orange, younger woman, motorcycle , new clothes and different from his old clothes..became a very bad dad,,Disney dad-

He was not a weird guy until MLC and was a very good father-

You will watch her and it will al come together
watch finances and keep your assets protected
get different cc


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Joined: Apr 2015
Posts: 1,654
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If your question is just to know, I understand but honestly it doesn't matter.

If it is to know what you do, then again it changes nothing for you.

Listen to the advice already given.

However if your question is whether you belong to this part of the forum, then I agree with our friend huddy. This forum is more suited to what you are going through than newcomers. Nothing is stopping you posting in both.

Best wishes


R 25 years
M 14 years
S11 & S13
Working on it alone since Oct 2014
M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years)
Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr.
Next R chat Aug'17
Still together
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ATPeace Offline OP
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Hello my friends

Well they say nothing moves unless you move and I have been very slow to move however things are slowly starting to move,in a direction

My W has been telling me for the past 18 months that she wants to be in separate houses but she has done very little about it and my two older children have been telling me that they want to move to a house in the country and we have lost that property once

This weekend I have been down to the country and have looked again at the country house and for my daughter and for my son they both love the property but I am still very scared that I will find my self alone, I guess it is the fear of being alone that is holding me back.

My W wants this she has told me time and time again so I have to give her what She wants

it is not about me making this decision to move in the hope that my wife changes her mind as this will not happen and I realise that once I start this process the cogs will keep turning

I still read what my W keeps posting on Facebook small little statuses and her posts ....remember you are the person you are because of all the [censored] that has happened in your life you are strong and the past is not your future .... show she and she has changed she is,not the same person that she was when we married a huge part of me just want to try and resolve things with my W but I am scared that she is getting further from me

So I am still very focused on what she does or what she does not do

Because I have said to her that the two older ones want me to go to Devon she will now start packing up the house and the house will go in the market this is not what I want but I do not know how I can get across to her that all I want is for our family to remain as a family and to start working to better things

I know I still sound like a broken record and that nothing sounds like it is getting sorted

But I am actually very close to finding myself in a house in Devon with two of my children with my wife living in Hertfordshire with my other two children

I know change is not always bad but thre is something about having the support from your partner when it comes to dealing with the children

I am not great at being alone

I am not great at making decision


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,453
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ATPeace Offline OP
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Well home from the country having looked at ththe country property again

I am still so confused

For the past 19 months since my W told me she did not want to be married,to me any longer every single day we have spoken to each other had meals with the family we have been out sometimes just the two of us we have we have .....interacted not a day has passed where we have not spoken

I feel I have let go of my old ways ...I do not try and control yet I am still trying to control

I do not know what to do for my children well half of my children my older children ....I have to sell everything to downscale .......

I have to get son 1 in to collage in the country

Everything is getting more difficult


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,453
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ATPeace Offline OP
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So i am still in house separation and doing A rubbish job at detaching

I need to find a way to get used to the feeling of being alone,I really have not been able to .get used to this at all and I miss the conversation ...some nights my W sits in her room not wanting to spend time with me then other nights she will watch tv with me which I enjoy we will chat but I always end up feeling low as even tho we talk and interact like friends ...there is no imtamacy as we are separated and it is this interaction and intimacy which I crave from her


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
P
Member
Offline
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P
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 3,925
At

It is very hard and you are moving forward
It all takes a lot of time
Continue to take care of yourself
It is difficult to live with the MLCer

We do get used to being alone..It happens

I also remember it becoming so much easier for me after XH finally moved out
did not have to see him all the time
I felt space from the constant issue of his lack of attention


the next right move will be made known to you
at the right time
hang in there


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Your fear of being alone sounds central to all of this. I'm hoping that you'll find living separated is a relief after the past year or so. Are you still seeing an IC (I hope so) and can you explore this are there perhaps?

smile


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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ATPeace Offline OP
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Hey sotto thank you for checking by I am still seeing an IC I find the talking really helps

What she has explored with me is the fact that I have never lost a girlfriend partner before as my W was my first partner and I was hers the fact that we were together for 27 years I am finding it extremely difficult coming to the terms and to grasp that ...life will go on and other relationships will be formed over time.

I have been to several meet ups but ...it just is not me it is not what I ever did in the past ....now I realise that this does not mean that I should not do things differently it is just a very different comfort zone

For now I have been looking at what happens next

I need to get a legal separation put into place my W never was a money grabber and I really do not expect it to start now but I have to dot the i and cross the T

So is a legal separation enough or do I need to file for Divorce

If I go to a soliciter can we both just agree the financials

I have a feeling I read somewhere that legal separation was not enough and financials could be contested and changed at a later stage.

Anyone in the U.K. Been through this

I would be really grateful for any advice


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
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