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Tomorrow I have to go to court for temporary orders to remove me from my house. My wife has said so many things in her declaration that aren't true. To live with someone over 25 years and they think these things about you. Some of the things were flat out lies. I'm scared they'll believe her. I'm scared I'll come out on the losing end. I've been called timid by my friends. I really feel defeated. I've struggled with depression for many years and low self esteem. For some reason I find it hard to stand up for myself. I pray Gods will be done in this. Also, I hope if even if everything is taken away from me, I'll still have enough to live on.

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Originally Posted By: Homerst
I really feel defeated. I've struggled with depression for many years and low self esteem. For some reason I find it hard to stand up for myself. I pray Gods will be done in this. Also, I hope if even if everything is taken away from me, I'll still have enough to live on.


Homer,

I'm sorry you're feeling badly, but it's time for action. It's easy to defeat someone who's already decided that they're defeated. You retained a lawyer; make the lawyer earn his/her pay. My experience with lawyers is that you have to tell them what you want, otherwise they do the "standard" thing, whatever that may be. Tell your lawyer you want to stay in your house and take no prisoners. If you need to buy time, then buy some time. Have the court date rescheduled. Get on it and get it done; you'll feel better about yourself.

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Well, the temporary orders didn't kick me from my house. It kept me as the primary caregiver and she's suppose to stay in our RV outside. Also, I'm suppose to give her 800 a month. She hasn't been staying in the RV but sleeping on the couch. I'm worried about custody in the finalization cause she can drive him to school and pretty much be there for my son when I'm at work during the holidays and summer. I don't know if that will work in her favor. I have a steady schedule though and can be there for him every night and my days off. She'll have to get a better job in the future and that will affect her schedule.

She wants to spend thanksgiving together and I don't think I can. She said some horrible things about me in court and if she thinks of me that way, I don't know how she could do thanksgiving either. The things she said about me were lies. Even now it's 1:35am and she's not home. She does this all the time for the last two years and I just put up with it. She has no respect for me. I can't be around her. I am not thankful for the hell shes putting me and her son through. I would be thankful if she wasn't around. She can go to her friends for thanksgiving. I would be continuing to be a doormat if I spent the day with her. If I did it for my son I'm sure he'd feel the tension between us.

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So you are legally divorced, but she is still there in the house and wants to celebrate Thanksgiving together? Wow, that is major cake eating.

IMHO, you need space and time away from her, in order to get yourself together. If she affects you that strongly and you won't man up and tell her to get out.......she is going to take advantage in every way possible. Basically, nothing has changed, except you are paying her $800 a month to party. Have you confronted her about the lies? With the current issues, I am concerned that you will be able to beat your depression. It must confuse your son. Does he know you are D?

If you share Thanksgiving with her, then expect her to be there for the other holidays. She divorce you! If you allow her to come and go in your house as if no legal action took place.......I think it will drive you nuts. You have got to take the bull by the horns and tell her you don't want her there and you will not give her the same benefits of M after she divorced you.

You have got to take care of yourself and your depression. Are you on medication? Do you know the source of your depression?


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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"I just put up with it"....."doormat"

Herein lies the problem I think. You guys are legally D'd and a settlement has been reached. It's now time to do what works for you. Not in a mean way and not to punish, but to allow you to heal after this difficult time.

Be calm and honest with her about how things are going to be from now on and start to make your own plans independently of her. If she's out until the wee small hours that's up to her, but it needn't be 'in your face.'

Time to be pleasant, firm and assertive in 'living' the terms of your settlement and making plans that 'work for you.'

I also agree that focus on your health is top priority, so if you could share your plans in this area, that would help too.

Also, do make your own plans for TG and let her know that to spend it together doesn't work for you.

Take care and know that things will improve in time...:-)


T 13 M 7
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D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Thanks for the advice. We are not divorced yet. She filed oct 27th. She was trying to put forth temporary orders to have me removed from the house until the divorce if final sometime around march is the earliest. However, she failed at that. The temporary orders, which last for 90 days, kept me as the primary caregiver and I got the house. She's suppose to sleep in the trailer outside. If the divorce was final and the house was in my name alone I believe I would change the locks. However, things are still up in the air till the divorce is finalized. Right now I'm having a lot of anxiety. She made thanksgiving dinner very early at 11am and left the house at 12:30pm. I don't know where she went and I wonder if she has another life with someone and is spending thanksgiving with him. I just want this to be over. I am lonely though and hurting. I'm 45 and don't really see a bright future. The divorce needs to be finalized then things should be more concrete.

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Just checking in to see how you are doing. Can you give an update?


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We had thanksgiving together. She made the food very early 11am and left the house at 1230pm to go who knows where? She came home after 930pm. Last night she didn't come home at all. I don't know where she is now.

I haven't got copies of my temporary orders yet. I just email my lawyer for them. I really can't stand talking to my lawyer. He's a good lawyer, I've been told, and he did help me in the court room, but we don't get along. He's very combative when he talks to me. I guess he's a necessary evil.

It been almost two years of pain I've allowed her to put me through. I guess it will come to an end sometime now the divorce process is happening. I guess there is "hope" in that? How great is love when it can bring you such pain.

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Hello, on the 27th it will be the 90th day after papers filed. I don't know what happens then? I guess my wife motions for something and my attorney counters it. I don't know. I kind of gave up. I try to avoid my wife when she's around. Christmas she came over the house and I left to see a movie by myself. I find it's not safe to talk to her. She just twists what I say to her lawyer and they use it against me. I'm just struggling to make it day by day. Someday soon this to will pass. I just want this behind me so I can move on with my life, and maybe find a life. Thanks for the encouragement.

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