Hey Andrew, wow no action from STBX for months and then she goes all out! I guess you have stated your position quite clearly so that has probably scared her a little into action.
You sound focused AP and sometimes I think we need something to focus on and have some control over because all these months we've let someone else control our lives.
I'm glad you liked the chicken dish, I'm thinking of doing that myself!
Me - 47 H - 45 D-16 M - 6 years Separated - May 16
Don't leave me behind can't you see me I'm shining... (Years & Years - 'Shine')
Sorry to hear of this AP-- Read up on Ikaria if you are not familiar. One dream is to end up there, with my little sailboat and garden. And little vineyard as well.
me 42 H 32 T 7yr M 6yr BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY Separated 7/2016
I'm sorry things aren't going as well as expected in la la land for your wife, but now you know where she's headed. Make your list of things to discuss w/your lawyer and definitely continue watching the finances.
Hang in there. It will get worse before it gets better.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sorry to hear of this AP-- Read up on Ikaria if you are not familiar. One dream is to end up there, with my little sailboat and garden. And little vineyard as well.
Hmmm - So across Greece and the Monsters to the coast of Turkey. Sounds like an Adventure! Let me double-check the wax on my wings first.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Please update soon saying that you've changed the insurance policy to remove her car. And perhaps you're done making payments on her car as well?
I don't know if it's "wise" or what to keep the money in the account. I would definitely write down the date and amount she took as well as what was left in the account, which you probably already have since you're on top of things! However, I wouldn't deposit any additional money into that account. Maybe only what is needed for basic expenses? Check with your lawyer to be sure though, but I hope she can't get money from your new account. Keep protecting yourself as best as you can. She's obviously not going to give you a warning before she does something.
I probably missed this, but do you have some thoughts as to what your agreement looks like? Oh, and did her brother ever reply about getting her stuff out of your place?
Things have been unusually warm around here too. It's kind of nice, but also weird since it is January!
Many moons ago, I was in the same position as Andrew, i.e., joint account, etc. Since my xh had taken half of the funds out of that joint account, I was advised to take the rest of the funds out...but leave $1.00 in the account so that he couldn't say that I had emptied the account. Ask your lawyer about this and be sure to show him the proof that she's taken half of the funds from the account w/o your prior approval and/or knowledge until after it was done.
As for the car insurance and making car payments for her, stop doing this. She has basically stated what she's doing, so her expenses are no longer your problem.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I recall when I was in the beginnings of this and my MLCr told me I needed to open up my own account so I went to the bank and did just that. While I was there I asked for a print out of our 2 accounts (Checkings and Savings) the teller asked me which 2, there are 3 listed. "Oh ... well yeah please all 3" as I poker faced that. I was then educated we had a secret savings acount that she had completely emptied 15 days post BD, this was no small sum and I still have the reports, her signatures on the 2 massive withdrawls. Any time a money issue has come up I reply calmly for her to take it out of that half, and record it to which she still denies of its existance but knows I have the documents... when and if we D this will be discussed and will be corrected when we reach a settlement.
Andrew in your case I would definitely freeze the rest of that account and any other accounts you have, have your Lawyer draft a separation agreement which should put a hold on any withdrawals and large purchases as mine did.
Most likely she has someone in her ear letting her know what she is entitled to which is amplified and what she thinks she will get may very well be different to the reality of the settlement. I have a buddy wife is full MLC, they divorced about a year ago now she is asking for his tax returns from the last 5 years and that they sell a cottage she agreed to keep in both their names so they could pass it to the kids. Truth is she has blown through the settlement money already and is looking to milk him for more.
I share this just for you to think about and prepare yourself for should this happen in your sitch. Protecting yourself and your finances at this point should be a priority
I would also have a credit report run to see if she's got additional credit cards out there, etc. Do not leave any stone unturned because MLCers can be very sneaky and will do things and then later you will discover those sneaky little antics all on your own when you least to discover something out of the ordinary.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
dream! Nice of you to stop by. The car insurance is coming up in about a month. I'll deal with that then. The money she took should more than cover her separate coverage. I will not be renewing it jointly and in my note to her made that clear.
Everything is documented about amounts etc as well as timelines to get things done. I'm hitting my dates and not worrying bout her's. The letter also identifies my starting position for an agreement. We'll see what it looks like after lawyers drip slime all over it. She's been quiet though so no clue on if / when she'll act if ever. I believe I'm prepared for both scenarios. I haven't visited my lawyer yet but am putting together a list of questions. I've had separate accounts for a bit of time but only started putting my pay into a separate one a few weeks ago - just before she raided in fact. So there's a fire-wall between the money I "need" and the money that's "our's".
The boxes are all still there - no clue on when / if she will pick them up although in her very formal sounding email to me she did say that she would be coming for them. They're not underfoot - just a bit of an eyesore. I try not to look at them - it hurts my eyes.
The weather is about to change back into Winter here again - still no sign of my garbage can lid. The latest theory is that little green men have taken it off to Alderaan. Fortunately I have a spare.
job - I agree(ish) with taking the rest of the money out but am not planning to. The advice from my lawyer last June was to not move anything around. Yes - certainly a substantial risk but the reality is that the $$ involved are smallish. It's on my list to talk to my lawyer about. As far as stopping the payments that's easier said than done - it's an auto-withdrawal and STBX would have to make that change with her finance company - not expecting that. Also the amount of the car payment is a hair higher than what she's "paying on the mortgage" but close so it somewhat balances out. Something for my L to use as ammunition if it gets into the p!ssing match that I want to avoid. Again - not going to do anything without legal advice and the payments end in a couple of months anyway. I'm trying hard to keep fairly quiet and let the Minotaur wander around the maze on her own without enraging her. An angry monster with a cheap lawyer could cause me all sorts of grief well and beyond a couple of car payments. I did credit reports right around the end of December and they came back spotless. The small bank I deal with is "well" aware of my situation and I believe they are watching for any attempt to try to take on a second mortgage etc. I do really doubt that she would do something like that but I've been wrong a bunch of times and believe that I'm as protected as I can be. STBX has moved all of her business (I believe) to another bank so they have a lot more interest in keeping me as a customer than making a former customer happy. I love dealing with these small places where they know you as a person and where they "care". They've helped us out of tough spots in the past when other institutions wouldn't have. I was actually invited recently to join the Board of Directors - I'm thinking it over.
CaliGuy - Thank you for the reality check. I agree that she has at least one if not more someones whispering into her ear. There's not much more she can grab at this point and I think that she would have challenges during financial disclosure that I won't. I actually have all the forms filled out. She has nothing that I want though including money.
The "strategy" at this point for the lack of a better term is that I have in my letter given her my terms for separation and asked that she take care of getting it drafted up. If what she presents to me is reasonably close to what I ask for, I'll just sign the darned thing and avoid an expensive fight. If - as I expect - she's not done anything then I'll wait a bit longer - the plan is until the end of the summer and then start moving the peanut along with my own L. At this point I am perhaps financially better off without a settlement. The lawyers fees are still in my pocket for example. As I wrote in my letter to her - we "are" separated - we just don't have that piece of paper and we are no longer married - we just don't have a piece of paper that says that we're not. I'm in no rush to get married again right now (I can hear the sigh from here job ) so this paperwork makes no real difference. The monthly payments will be done soon on their own. Even though as everyone knows that it goes against my nature, I believe I am best off to not prod the Minotaur and to just tend to my own garden.
Further advice though is actively appreciated. I've obviously not done this before. Thanks to the excellent advice here and from friends who have gone through this I think I'll come out the other side OK. If she does go crazy - there is a limit to the impact that crazy will have that I'm prepared to accept in exchange for the possibility of peace.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
And perhaps you're done making payments on her car as well?
) so this paperwork makes no real difference. The monthly payments will be done soon on their own. Even though as everyone knows that it goes against my nature, I believe I am best off to not prod the Minotaur and to just tend to my own garden.