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Just need some help on how to phrase something. Ex has decided that our kids need to do some martial art to toughen them up. He is happy to pay for the lessons and kit but he is expecting me to drop them every week to this club when it is his time with them. I have no objection on them doing it but I object on having to drive them every week. He is making the commitment to have them doing it, so he should be making the commitment to take them.

So I was thinking to write something like that but I still want him to get few truth darts: Let me know when they will start, I'd be happy to help as much as I can but I would hope that you are not expecting me to drop them every week because of your work commitment like I would not expect you to look after them when I have my work commitment such as parents' evening or open evening.

Any thoughts would be welcome? Reading it back it sounds vindictive but it will cost me petrol to get them there when he only pays the minimum for child maintenance.

Rouky #2725738 01/15/17 07:19 AM
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Okay, so how about...

Hi H, martial arts classes sound like a nice idea for the kids. If you let me know when they are due to start, that would be great. I presume you're happy with getting them there & back, but if I can help with that on occasion, just let me know. I look forward to hearing how it all goes. Best wishes, Rouky.

I think that sounds positive but also lets him know that you are presuming he has all this i hand as he has set things up....XX


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We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2725741 01/15/17 08:14 AM
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Rouky Offline OP
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Sotto you are such a gem. Ex texted me that he is expects me to take them as he says he can't because of his work. I really don't know how to phrase it. He gave me two days and I reply that one will be better than the other but I never mentioned at anytime that I will take them.

How do I end up in such awkward situation?

Rouky #2725742 01/15/17 08:16 AM
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He said he can't guarantee to take them there.

Rouky #2725743 01/15/17 08:31 AM
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job Offline
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Rouky,

If he wants to kids to be in this activity, then he will need to figure out how to take them on the days he has them. Let me ask this, what does he do w/the kids when they are w/him? Does he work late or work from home? I wouldn't set myself up to be the taxi for taking the kids all of the time.

If he can't work out the schedule w/you, then the kids don't go to that activity. Why tie up your free time when they are w/him?

Bottom line, he either works out the schedule to ensure that they get there and back on his days of visitation or they don't go.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2725753 01/15/17 08:57 AM
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Okay - so how about..

Hi H, ah I hadn't realised you'd intended I might take them. I'm not going to be able to help on a regular basis on those nights. But I can step in on occasion if you're unavailable. I'll leave you to have a think about whether the class is feasible given your work commitments etc..

Best wishes, Rouky


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Sotto #2725757 01/15/17 09:19 AM
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Good work Sotto smile

Westo #2725765 01/15/17 11:14 AM
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Sotto,

I like what you wrote. He needs to understand that she's not going to be the taxi for any of these activities that he comes up w/on a routine basis, i.e., that he shares custody, therefore, on the days he has the kids, he's responsible for getting them to and from their activities.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sotto #2725786 01/15/17 03:24 PM
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Rouky Offline OP
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Update to make you laugh. Ex said as he will be working away and it's most likely impossible for him to take kids he thinks that this can be done between us. I don't agree with my kids to learn martial art to defend and attack. I do believe in the philosophy surrounding martial art not in the aggressive side of it. So I texted him that I understand that he has to work away but I don't understand why it is expecting of me to help him out. Gosh got a nasty reply straight away!

This man is unbelievable. He wants to commit the kids to a spry but he is expecting me to help him out when he fired me as a wife. The kids go back from his weekend with him and they didn't even mentionned it!

Rouky #2725787 01/15/17 03:28 PM
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I mean sport and he has to audacity to text back saying that it's for the kids! My kids do an activity every day apart from wh n he has them. If he is putting on me the guilty trip it ain't gonna work as I take kids to their activities and don't ask fi his help. Don't even ask for his help when I have to stay at work late!

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