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skm0619 Offline OP
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SBJ....

I honestly don't know how I am going to do this. After speaking to him today and him acting like this is the norm?!?!?!

I really wish I had a strong enough faith to turn it over to a higher power, but I don't.

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SKM

this is hard
The best I can say is pretend you are an academy award actress
and act as if

How do we bite our tongue when we want so bad to let them have it-
Discipline, courage , strength practice prayer and more prayer

You did it once so that show you and me -you have it in you

You are right it is really difficult --for now
walk the road and it will get easier
God sees our willingness to do whats right and you will be taken care of now and in time-


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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skm0619 Offline OP
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peacetoday.....thanks for your words.

I so badly want to tell him off but, I know that I am really working on those types of reactions. But O M G it is hard!!!

Does it really get easier?
Is this really what I want to be doing in my life?
Is this man really worth it?
Why do I feel that he deserves any of my goodness when he has treated me so poorly?
What kind of person treats another human this way?

I know that I am the only one who can answer those questions.

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SKM,
asking yourself questions is good. It's all we can do, right now, and work on ourselves (said ad nauseum)
Chin up!


me 42 H 32
T 7yr
M 6yr
BD 5/2016 ILYBNILWY
Separated 7/2016
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It is for us not for them
we practice this for us
all the good you do will help him but it is for you
we become the kind of people we want to be-even when we have been hurt

we take the high road

yes, it gets easier and if you read the threads you will see similar patterns over time:

the LBS usually moves on
they are successful in many ways
We find hobbies, jobs and create happiness for ourselves
We sometimes restore the M or find another and better R
WE have better R with our kids and the kids turn out ok through it all

the MLCer usually fails in many areas unless they find help:
they may go through many R or just be miserable with OW
They may loose their job or have much debt
they usually live in addiction and denial
many Mlcers have bad/no R with their kids or family

Hang in there
This is temporary
But for now there is no where else for you to really go as you have to review the M and heal and grieve and it takes time before you are really ready to move on-


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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I know exactly what you mean...this is extremely difficult. This is the hardest thing I've ever gone thru, but I'm realizing that I'm not alone. There are a great number of us standers that are wanting to save and preserve our marriages. We are all here for each other. We are the only ones that know what you are going thru. We are living it with you. There are also a lot of us here that are praying for you...not just for your situation, but also for your trust and faith in God. Actually for your eternal soul. Please know that we are here with you and for you every day.

Peace be with you...


Me 49 W46
T25 M22
S22 D18 S13
W had EA Apr-Jul 2016
Dropped Bomb 7/9/16
ILYBINILWYA
HER DIVORCE IS FINAL...8/18/17
Dropping the rope to SURVIVE & THRIVE!!!
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skm0619 Offline OP
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Thank you altair, peacetoday and SBJ. Your words and support are so appreciated.

I learned of the affair November 23rd 2015 and kicked him out of the house that day and he has never been back. I used to find reasons to call him, and reasons to see him. I used to beg, cry, rage, scream and do all of those things. I was willing to do anything to get my M back.

Almost one year to the day (November 26th 2016) of learning about the affair, I joined this board and only lurked around reading as much as I could. At first I didn't get DR/DB books but I eventually did buy them and read them in like 2 days. I wanted to absorb everything I could.

I have only been DBing for the past 6 weeks. I know that I have changed and that my choices are better. I handle situations differently and look at things in a different light since starting. I know that all of this is to make me a better person, I just wish I could see it that way.

I know this is temporary what I am feeling, and thank goodness for that because I am not sure how any person could feel like this for an extended period of time.

Despite what he says to me I know he is suffering. I know that he has no clue who he is and probably doesn't like the person he has become. He will never admit that. He is my H and I love him and I just want him to figure it out.

I want to be able to let go, GAL, 180, detach, act as if and all things everyone is telling me, and I know that once I am able to do all of those things only then will things get easier and better for me.

I just want these obsessive thoughts to be gone from my mind.

Keep praying for me (us) SBJ....

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You are changing, you are starting asking yourself questions.
You are starting to look at your situation with some "critical thinking", you went from reacting to acting. That's a huge progress.

MLCers love to brag about their life, they have also a "huge tendency" to embellish and add to it. Even if you don't ask them any questions they will find a way to brag about something. They are always in need to shine, to feel important, to feel the center of attention.

I like the post of Peacetoday about LBS and MLCer, so true.

I know how tough it is to hold it and bit your tongue, welcome to the club of best actresses (lol).


Me 52+ WH 57+
Married 20 +
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Yes I know-

It is hard and it is painful
Lean into the pain embrace it and let it heal you
IC is very helpful with a therapist who can support your choice to stand-
someone that can help you grieve and get back on your feet
It will take time to fully give the M..give yourself time
and being on the board is a transition period for many until we can get on our feet
we understand and support each other

If we try to skip over this part, we will not fully heal so really there is no where to go except within and take the best care of yourself as you can

Many of us have successfully made it to the other side of this and you will too no matter how hard it seems
the pain will pass


married 14 years
H 42
bomb 2/07 IDLYA
D final 3 /09
M ow D ow
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Hope you are doing fine.


Me 52+ WH 57+
Married 20 +
Piecing since 2016 (ready to give up...)
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